playful contact.

[ticklehound]

I have been wondering recently over the types of relationships I have with my friends. It's a delicate game to test our boundaries and what not, and even when everything is cool, there's still the impression it leaves on other people around you.

Case in point, lately, I have become really good friends with a classmate of mine. She is Latina, so it is natural for her to be touchy feely - always a lot of hugs and other playful forms of contact. However, she feels as if this alienates her from other people in the class who are not like that. I told her that people are different, I act differently depending on who I'm dealing with.

My question: Do you think it is possible to be too physical, regardless of how the two members of the relationship feel about it? I have heard of some people talking condescendingly about classmates giving other classmates back rubs to help relieve stress. For me, I always offer to see if they are willing. As classmates, I feel we have a responsibility to help relieve each other's stress whatever way we can. Some of us clown with others, others go out and party and so on.

I was just curious of other's take on this.

 

[sole seeker]

In my opinion, relationship boundaries must be set by those who are involved with the relationship. (However, if one person in the relationship is married or committed to another, their spouse is involved, whether they know about your relationship with their spouse or not. The married person has a responsibility to consider their mate first.)

I feel we have a responsibility to help relieve each other's stress whatever way we can.

Sounds to me like you're a good man, hound. Don't sweat those who don't support this point of view. Just be who you are. In my opinion, the world needs a lot more people with your attitude.

 

[TicklingDuo]

IMO, as long as the parties involved are both comfortable with where things are at, it doesn't matter what others think. Obviously, you want to exercise some degree of respect. But, beyond that, what difference does it make. Some people will always look for things to gossip and/or complain about. For those who are secure with themselves, it makes no difference. As a wise person once said, "A lie only becomes true when someoone is ignorant enough to believe it."

Ann

 

[Deleted member 2452]

have to be a downer

i agree totally that you, and the lady are/should be able to engage in what ever contact you both have ok'd.
but i todays p.c. world, and in a collage esp., if another student is jealous, or upset by seeing the two of you, that other student could slap you with a sexual harrassment charge. remember, sexual harrassment can just be creating a setting that the "victim" finds threatening, of suggestive.
you mentioned that you have overheard others complaining about this ladies 'touching", so i think you, and she might want to conduct stress relief in private.
oh, and while you're at it, tickling her for me!
steve

 

[AffectionateDan]

As one might garner from my handle...

...yeah, I've come across this issue many times in the past, bein' so naturally physically demonstrative. Whether it's as simple as laying your hand on someone's shoulder or on their back, or more familiar, like a hug, backrub, or playful poke in the belly, some people just aren't comfortable with those sorts of displays. It's a reflection on what type of person you are, but I'm of the mind that it's a reflection on the way a person is raised as well. My ex called it being "touchy", which I almost found offensive, but was willing to overlook for years. Much as with our favorite sport here in the Forum, some people are geared that way, and some aren't. Doesn't make you a bad person, whichever side of the fence you're on. Some like it, some tolerate it, and some squick at it. Just gotta learn to be discerning if you're one of us "touchy" types!

 

[crydun]

I"ll take one of those backrubs!!! And while you're at it, rub my feet!!!!


I think that discernmant that Dan was talking about is key here. There is a time and a place for everything. I'm not much for PDA but I respect those who are as long as they don't carry it too far. If they are on top of each other practically, like a couple I seen in Meijer's once(rolls her eyes) then I want to yell, "Get a room folks!! Other than that, as long as the two parties involved are comfortable with it, I say live and let live.

 

[sole seeker]

I"ll take one of those backrubs!!! And while you're at it, rub my feet!!!!

Right this way ma'am! *brushes off padded table* Just hop right up here and take off your shoes and socks please. 😀