• If you would like to get your account Verified, read this thread
  • Check out Tickling.com - the most innovative tickling site of the year.
  • The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us.
  • >>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
    Don't forget to include your username

POTC: On Stranger Tides. My review (warning! spoilers!)

alchemy

1st Level Green Feather
Joined
Nov 1, 2004
Messages
4,139
Points
38
Ok, so I've seen the movie twice now. Once in 3D and once without.

The movie starts in an extremely entertaining way, thrusting you right in the middle of events that have taken place after the third installment. Gibbs has been mistaken for Captain Jack Sparrow and apprehended by the British. There's a very humorous scene where Jack portrays the English Judge, complete with wig, white mustache and beard, granny glasses, and....eyeliner.
This, of course, leads into a meeting with King George the III, and the reintroduction of Barbosa, now employed by the king and missing a leg. It turns out that he was behind the capture of Jack because he knows that Jack can lead them to the fountain of youth via his compass and stolen map. It also turns out that the Spanish are mounting an expedition for the same prize via a man caught in a fishing net who was, not only still alive, but clutching detailed maps of the fountain. There's also made mention that ANOTHER Jack Sparrow is signing up a crew to go after the fountain which turns out to be Cruise dressed up as Jack. There's a well choreographed chase/escape scene out of the palace and onto the streets of London that leads Jack into another encounter with Keith Richards in yet another Cameo. (Who just happens to be in the EXACT right place at the right time to save Jack at the last possible second from a British soldier...and who then conveniently disappears Scooby Do style as soon as their brief conversation is done.) This of course leads into Jacks encounter with Cruise, a sword fight, kissing, more sword fighting, another oh so lucky escape, and then Jack waking up on Blackbeard's Ship. It turns out that Cruise/Angelica is Blackbeard's daughter.

This is the point of the movie that starts to get confusing.

Blackbeard need to get to the fountain of youth (because one of his zombified crewmen, who can see the future, told him that he will die very soon at the hands of a one-legged man) and somehow knows all about the rituals, which is why Angelica was recruiting a crew, but neither one have ever been there and know where they're going. Thankfully, they happened into Jack who apparently HAS been there, but didn't know about the rituals, and either couldn't get the fountain to work or couldn't find it. OR...was just lying about the whole thing. It isn't explained. If Blackbeard and Angelica hadn't happened upon Jack, whom they didn't expect to run into, how would they have gotten there? Did they know about the Spanish? It isn't expained.

THEN, Barbosa uses Gibbs, who is now in possession of the circle map from Pirates 3, to help him and the English find the fountain of youth before the Spanish do...but he's also after Jack Sparrow for insulting the King....but it turns out that he's really not after the fountain of youth at all, and has no real allegiance to the British, he wants revenge on Blackbeard for sinking The Pearl (who we find out that Blackbeard has imprisoned in a bottle (????!)). It's never explained HOW Barbosa KNOWS that Blackbeard is going to be looking for the fountain. It's also not explained how Barbosa and Gibbs know exactly what to do, where to go, and know of the ritual needed for the fountain. It seems that everybody knows about the ritual EXCEPT Jack. It must be common knowledge I suppose because the movie never explains this.
It was if the producers had a couple really good scenes in mind for certain characters, but couldn't quite figure out how to get them there and have it make sense.

There's a great scene with beautiful, yet deadly Mermaids and a cool scene at the end, but too many things are left unexplained. For instance, Blackbeard seems to be a very supernatural character and a master of Voodoo. He also has a magic sword that has the ability to control rope. Ian McShane does a great job as the character, but I never really felt that Blackbeard was portrayed as quite evil enough. He's supposed to be the baddest of the bad, but his character, at times, feels intentionally dialed down. Oh, his ship also spits fire. Yep, a ship made from wood has two super duper flame throws attached to it.

Cruise and her massive nose are ok, but don't have great chemistry with Jack.

There's also an embarrassingly bad scene involving a very fake looking digital snake that had no point being in the movie.

The best scenes are between Jack and Barbosa, especially the scene where Barbosa explains to jack about his leg and the loss of The Pearl.

The ending is good, but a little over the top effects wise, and ultimately leaves room for a sequel.

Overall, I give it a B.
 
If I have to take hallucinogenic drugs in order to follow the plot, then the film ingloriously fails.
 
Agreed with everything you said. Barbosa talking to Jack about his leg was the best moment in the movie.

The mermaid/clergyman subplot was by far the most interesting aspect of the movie to me.

Why does Blackbeard have magic powers?
Why did Angelica need to recruit a crew? What happened to Blackbeard's crew?
Why did Angelica think Jack had been to the fountain before?
Where the hell did the "Serena" name come from?
Why did Jack's father leave the pirate threshold and visit London, on the other end of the planet?
How did Jack's father know anything about the fountain of youth?

B- at best. On par with Pirates 3. Entertaining enough I guess, but so full of plot holes and obvious fan pandering that it really starts to stink.
 
I saw it on Friday and frankly I don't think i would give it even a B. There just was so much lacking. I mean the first three had their randomness but this one was just crazy. And there is almost a detachment to the whole thing. The lack of explanations and plot holes really just didn't let me get immersed in the story. Seems that's how the summer movies are going so far. First Thor and now Pirates.
 
I saw it on Friday and frankly I don't think i would give it even a B. There just was so much lacking. I mean the first three had their randomness but this one was just crazy. And there is almost a detachment to the whole thing. The lack of explanations and plot holes really just didn't let me get immersed in the story. Seems that's how the summer movies are going so far. First Thor and now Pirates.

Guess I must not know as much about Thor as I thought it was pretty damn good.
 
Thanks for the review. I think I can easily wait a few years until it comes to cable. I have no interest in mermaids, actually. They have no feet. 😱 (Just like Annie Hall. 😛)
 
Thanks for the review. I think I can easily wait a few years until it comes to cable. I have no interest in mermaids, actually. They have no feet. 😱 (Just like Annie Hall. 😛)

Actually these mermaids develop feet if they touch land. Sort of? It seemed kind of inconsistent.

I thought of some more gaping plot holes.

If Blackbeard can capture entire ships into bottles, why didn't anyone think to contact him during any of the the three previous movies?

If Blackbeard is the super pirate that all other pirates fear, wouldn't he have been one of the pirate Lords from POTC three? Or at least, at the big meeting at the pirate fortress?
 
What's New

2/14/2025
Happy Valentines Day!
Door 44
Live Camgirls!
Live Camgirls
Streaming Videos
Pic of the Week
Pic of the Week
Congratulations to
*** brad1701 ***
The winner of our weekly Trivia, held every Sunday night at 11PM EST in our Chat Room
Back
Top