Question for submissive-types about restraints

[TMF Jeff]

I was reading something recently, I can't recall where exactly, and the author was referencing the Fifty Shades series, and they used an interesting phrase to describe Anastasia (I think that's her name?) being tied up - they called it being "buckled in."

That makes me think of something like a seat belt in a car, and it made me wonder if there's something to that - if people who enjoy being restrained see it as something like a safety and security feature in addition to/instead of a restriction.

Any thoughts from those with experience on that side of things?

 

[OmahaTickler]

Very interesting point. I haven't read the books, but this phrasing does elicit questions: Was it simply a pun, i.e., "buckle up, lady, you're in for a wild ride," or was it possibly Freudian or otherwise reflecting the author's sensibilities about bondage? I think we need lee responses here: Do you ever view restraints as a security blanket---possibly as part of the "surrender to the ler" thing? I have read some lees say part of the benefits include not needing to do anything but react to the 'ler's actions, thereby taking any pressure off the lee in terms of calculating/planning anything. So, maybe it's less about "submission" and more about willfully allowing the ler to drive the car, period. I've also read some lees talk about how part of the thrill is not being in control of what happens next, which suggests their temperament is averse to being in charge, i.e., they prefer to be guided, and I think this unfairly gets relegated to "they want to be dominated/controlled/humiliated." I don't see why it needs to be put in the context of degradation.

 

[CapturedDoll]

I did read the books. Don't hate! lol I was just curious. And... I did enjoy them. *gasp* It took me halfway through the first book to begin to enjoy it though. I was reading passages aloud to my Bf and we were both making jokes like Mystery Science Theater. But, I waited until I found them at the thrift store for 25 cents each if that helps make my enjoyment more palatable. LOL (Your also talking to someone who loved 'Showgirls'. I saw that twice in the theater. (Yeah yeah I know I'm the only one on the planet who did that. But I love sleaze and exploitation films. So shush up.)

Anyway. For myself that statement means I'm going to be taken on quite a ride. Like a roller coaster. I will be experiencing things that will cause me to have an adrenaline rush. Just like any Amusement Park ride. My body will go through things that I'm not prepared for. Or... I may know beforehand what will happen.. but experiencing it is a whole other thing entirely. Especially considering every tickling session is different. I could prepare myself mentally all day long if given the road map. But... the experience will still be it's own unique ride.

And also things that happen such as a knee to the face or... falling off the table or... all the things that could go wrong. There is an element of danger to this. And that statement lets me know that... what I'm about to go through... won't be a cake walk. And could actually be dangerous. Which is the reason for that statement. My Ler is giving me something as a comparison. And this statement is accurate. For many reasons of which I won't understand until its over. Which is the beauty of that statement. It encompasses quite a few things including the need for restraints.

 

[chicago]

I know at least one person that feels that way - like it's their "thundershirt".

Also this thread made me think of this

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-38441166

 

[porcelaindoll2]

I see it as both. I love the restricted helpless feeling, but I also like that stops me from potentially hurting my ler with involuntary movements.

 

[GirlMeetsTickle]

Yeah that’s accurate. While I have never been ‘properly’ restrained to be tickled, the fantasy has been a turn-on for as long as I can remember. And it basically mirrors sex, just magnified. So yes, safety and security is a part of it. Along with exhilaration and satisfaction. It feels...comfortable to be powerless because I can’t cause harm or be blamed for anything.

I should add that I also really enjoy the other side of it. It’s fun strapping someone to that ride, so to speak.

 

[_virginie_]

I don't know the books, but I would definitely agree on the idea of safety. I love being restrained, for sex or tickling, as it means I can really let go, and how many of us can do that normally?

An english friend of mine describes it as swapping her mental restraints for leather ones

 

[rafael]

I see it as both. I love the restricted helpless feeling, but I also like that stops me from potentially hurting my ler with involuntary movements.

This. I'm not submissive in most parts of my life. For whatever reason people seem to assume I'm in charge at work even when I'm not. I usually have strong, well-thought out opinions. And I can handle myself in a fight so when I'm not restrained I know that I'm letting the other person tickle me. I'm not submitting in any way. I'm merely allowing it to happen and restricting my movements to avoid hurting them involuntarily or voluntarily. I know I'm in control and can stop it at any point. When restrained I'm handing over control. I'm trusting someone else, which I admittedly don't do well enough in other aspects of my life. It's a juxta-position to how I usually operate. For me I don't feel safer. I also don't feel safer in seatbelts. I feel safer when I can move. I feel I can handle most anything or any opponent when I can move. So it's actually the opposite, I feel vulnerable when restrained.

 

[siamese dream]

Haven't read 50 shades either but have heard a lot about it. I think restraints help with safety of the ler more than anything, to prevent any wild struggling or kicking from causing injury. To be able to struggle as much as bondage allows but still not cover yourself or escape is a big mental/psychological part of the whole experience for me, and so restraints make me feel more vulnerable but also ok to really react strongly without holding back anything... I'm ticklish but also maybe not as terribly so as someone who can't endure it at all. Besides using bondage, I also fantasize over being tickled with no bondage at all, and seeing how long I can stand to hold a prone position with nothing stopping me from moving and covering myself but my own will 😉 ... So this fantasy is kind of the opposite, on the bondage side I'm free to react as strongly as I instinctively feel like when tickled... Without bondage I'd be purposely holding back my natural reactions as much as possible. 😉

Of course, 50 Shades is much more about submitting to pain from what I understand, and there does seem to be a common feeling among bdsm subs of feeling better, more at ease or in their natural element when control is taken from them by a Dom. So it's possible more traditional subs in bdsm might see being in bondage as a place of safety/security/comfort in their role.

The last time I played, though, we had wrist cuffs that literally do buckle just like a regular belt, and these had a rope linked through a metal clip and attached to the bed frame, so we were "tied up" but you could also describe putting on these wrist cuffs as "buckled in", so that might be another reason why they used that term to describe it.

 

[4Pawz]

To a degree, I could consider it a safety/security feature. If it isn't a playful wrestling match and is going to get more intense, then I feel more comfortable with restraint, as long as I know and trust the person. With restraint, I can let go a little more without having to worry about hurting anyone, unintentionally of course. If I feel safe, I can feel more and let go of more. Restraints are a part of that.

 

[milagros317]

Speaking only for myself, the a answer is yes, being in bondage makes me feel safe.

In particular, being put into secure bondage by Goddess Shelly after a tickling session (or a spanking session, but that is of less interest here) makes me feel very safe indeed. It is important that I both love her and trust her.

Below are some photos showing me in very snug bondage after a 70-minute tickling session had ended.