Tom Tickle
TMF Master
- Joined
- May 12, 2006
- Messages
- 667
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QUESTIONS FROM THE FANS PART THREE
Still under the spell of Lucy’s kiss, your interviewer can only smile limply as Barbara slinks in. She looks tall in the publications, but in the flesh she really is statuesque. Standing just over six foot (no heels, chaps), she also possesses the biggest boobs of the three sisters. They are gigantic. It is quite difficult to look away, despite them being contained under a lacy blouse and merino wool fleece. Her midriff is exposed slightly as the blouse hangs someway out from her navel due to her prominent bosom. She wears skinny jeans that hang off the hip and what appear to deck plimsolls. Her hair is a rich dark brown, and she has the deepest tan of the girls. Her skin is like caramel. Her eyes are blue and striking, her mouth is sweet and pouting, and her voice carries more than expected; measured and confident. She’d make a great dominatrix…
Hi-hi-hi there…
Hello.
Who are you?
Barbara Elisabeta Fox
When and where were you born?
1st June 1988 in Bournemouth, United Kingdom.
What is your favourite song of all time?
Something that screams raunch, and is a little bit dark. Depeche Mode’s I Feel Loved, ATB’s 9PM Till I come, a couple of tracks by Leftfield and Moby. I quite like Dance, but only good dance. I suppose I don’t have a particular favourite, no.
Do you like to bake/cook?
I… can when I want to, or have time. Yes, I quite like making an impression at the dinner table.
So do I; Christopher Walken, Frank Spencer… ‘oh, Bet-tee!’
No, you fool… (ed- she knows you then)
…err, do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in ghosts from the past but (her mouth curls into a vulpine grin), not ghosts in the Jacob Marley sense.
Winter or summer?
Both have their attractions. Of course I can show my body off in the summer, but I can spend more time with the doctor in the winter. I tend to get more work done then, Hmhm!
If you could pick anyone dead or alive to have lunch with, who would it be?
(wrinkles her brow). Ooh, this one… my sisters of course, as long as Lucy can sit still… oh, she has a habit of fidgeting and bouncing and making a nuisance of herself… look, I’ll keep these short. The doctor is always welcome, and I suppose we better have Dominic make some conversation.
…Famous people?
Famous people? Dead or alive? Can I bring Dr Robert Winston? He could explain to Nina and Lucy what work the doctor and I are doing while they play with his moustache!
What are your "comfy clothes"?
As little as possible. (smiles) that’s all.
if you were one of the seven dwarfs, who would you be?
Doc, hehehehe.
Do you believe in heaven and hell?
(shakes head, mouthing ‘no no no’)
Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Sgt. Pepper is always considered once of the great psychedelic firsts, but how many times had Lennon listened to the beach boys’ Pet Sounds? For artistic ouput, the Beatles; for unabashed sexual energy, the Stones… I know I said i’d keep them short but that was an interesting one.
What colour are your eyes?
Aquamarine… greeny-blue. They set off well against my dark hair, don’t you think?
…(looking into her eyes, dribbling slightly – ed. Oh for god's sake…)
…Come along, be a good boy.
Err… What sort of character would you play in a comic book (hero, humorous sidekick, villain, that abrasive newspaper guy, etc.)
Can I be Dr Doom’s girlfriend? Hahahah!
….Oh, do you like comics?
No thanks, I just like Julian McMahon.
If you were to pick one room in the Mansion to be trapped in, what would it be?
The one furthest from the guy who sent this in.
If you were one word, what word would you be?
(looks down) Amazonian? I kind of think that fits the bill.
If you could time travel, what would be your first stop?
The Galapagos Islands just before the Beagle sent men ashore… I’m a bit mischievous like that… sorry Charles! (Darwin)
What is your natural hair colour?
dark brown.
How many people are in your family?
I never see my parents, but apart from them and my sisters, I see the doc as someone akin to an uncle, well an uncle who doesn’t have a problem grabbing hold of his niece and tickling her. Dominic is almost like an annoying little brother, even though he’s two years older than Nina.
Favorite Rapper
Wrong person to ask, I really couldn’t say… LL Cool J? Who knows? Next.
Whats the First Thing You Notice In A Boy?
A boy? Like Harry Potter hehe? Boys don’t have what I’m looking for, which before you ask is considerable intelligence and enough experience so they don’t gawp at my cleavage when I’m trying to talk to them. I don’t mind a furtive peek here and there but gawping in plain sight is pretty sad.
What language would you like to speak fluently?
I’m trying to pin down French at the minute. ‘J’espère que vous avez apporte votre chiffon de plume’… that was ‘I hope you’ve brought your feather duster!’ hahahaha… I would like to get to grips with Italian, and possibly Russian, as they are deeply sexy spoken languages! (almost smouldering)
How many kids, if any, would you want to have?
None thankyou. I’m not sure who my own mother really was, so I’m not sure I’d be any good in that role.
Which religion do you choose to follow?
Science. Don’t confuse that with Scientology, guys. I’m not completely stupid.
Performing Arts, Fine Arts, or Sports?
I do enjoy sports, but only when I’m playing it and feel my capillaries oxygenate, I’m no fan of watching it. I like to indulge Dominic’s artistic fascinations. I was once part of his installation called ‘the media persona and voyeurism,’ and it was basically me, naked, in a Perspex box with lengths of ligaments dangling from hooks under the lid, and along each one were several clusters of eyeballs from different animals. He kept adding these disgusting trails – which reached all the way to my ankles, and resting all over my body - until I was completely obscured by ligaments, veins and these googley eyeballs… like being swallowed by the blob… real creepy! I could only hear these muffled voices as the box filled up with offal. Several people were pretty frantic when they came back and just saw this ‘abattoir’ instead of me! Dominic told them that the ‘voyeur has become the subject of his own gaze’. Then he let me go! Hey, don’t me go on like that!
(Adopts Stan Lee voice)I gotta tell ya, the fans'll love it!
(looks unsettled)Oh, well I’m sure they will…
Riding horses or riding dolphins?
Both are a little sedate for me. I’d like to ride with a Giant Pacific Octopus off the California coast. There’s an adventure waiting to happen!
… but they’re massive, and they eat people!
No, hahaha! They don’t eat people, just ‘taste’ them with their sucker cups… it’s like being kissed by the lips of a thousand angels… (a spot of dribble appears on interviewers bottom lip) aahahem! (sucks dribble back in – Ed. A thousand angels?!) wakey wakey?
Are you fed up of all these questions?
No, I think I’ve hit my stride.
Fish or Fowl?
Fish, for any reason. I like it slippery.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Well all avian forms must ultimately come from an egg, in fact all vertebrate life comes from some form of ovum. No question really.
What is your favorite color?
Purple. I just like it. Perhaps it’s some of animals I study, like the anemones and medusae. I also like soft pink, for similar reasons.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
Not much. A grizzly would probably kill it.
Beach or mountain?
The beach of course! Perfect for field research, but mind those jellies - we only use species who feed on algae, so they don’t come with nematocysts. Don’t flip one on your spade and slip it down anyone’s top. It might kill them!
Left handed or right handed?
Right handed, okay?
Who do you count on when feeling down?
I work any frustration out my own way, or if it’s a sad, depressed feeling I’ll talk to Nina, or sometimes Lucy, though she is quite blonde about most things. I’d rather not disturb the doctor, although I’m sure he’d listen.
Do you plan in advance?
Always. Experiments can be dangerous anyway, so I always get everything ready before the Doctor arrives. In life in general, I tend to be more organised than the others, read up on the biology of anything we might encounter, not that it makes any difference when you’re in the throat pouch of a 900lb pelican!
What attracts you most?
About the opposite sex? Dexterity, physical and mental. They have to be intelligent and open-minded. A lot of younger men I meet are complete idiots and should be castrated to save humanity. Only older men can really appreciate a woman fully. Guys my age just want to play with my tits, then it’s all over. Oh, resilience is another one. I don’t need to meet another posh twit who thinks his expensive education and moneyed parents will get him into my knickers, only to fondle me for two minutes and drunkenly declare ‘he’s done’.
Do you hold hands when you walk in public?
Not really. There’s no one in my life like that.
…like a bloke?
Yes, a boyfriend, you wag.
...I'm free this friday night...
You're probably free every night...
(interviewer got his hand burn't there, didn't he?)
How many hobbies do you have?
Quite a few. My main hobby is of course working with the doctor. I’m studying for a degree in Marine biology. Hopefully I can carry on the doctor’s work, with the help of some others. Genetics isn’t my strong point.
Close your eyes for a moment, who pops into your head?
The doctor, looking at me… looking into my eyes. ‘There’s hope for you’ he says. It was after I got expelled from my old school for giving the photographer a heart attack. I did very well on my entrance exam and I told him I liked biology.
( for the first time, Barbara looks vulnerable)That’s a very special memory.
Do you say "I love you" in the relationship?
I say it in a very different way to the romantic way you imagine, usually with a hearty giggle to whatever incredible creature is tickling me to orgasm!
Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?
I’d be honoured, although there are enough life forms here to be studied. Perhaps I could send Lucy to test their tickling capabilities, and then go myself when I have enough knowledge of the pleasures our little blue marble has to offer, but it probably won’t happen in my lifetime.
Describe your perfect Sunday morning?
Breakfast with the doc, Nina and Lucy, talking about what the next project might involve. If the girls are shacked up with someone else for the night, I’ll slip into the shower with a friend… or seven!
If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?
The job I’m training for, although I really would like to oversee the projects Doctor Featherfinger has worked so hard creating.
If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I wouldn’t mind a place near the Aquarium, although I’d like my own aquarium and sea lab with an airlock to the octopus pen, and it would be about seven times the size of the complex Oswald used to run, with lots more creatures and facilites. Perhaps one day…
…So, you have some big ambitions?
Oh yes, huge ambitions! 38-GG, hehehe. (Interviewers eyes are drawn – Ed. We get it!)
If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
Dr Feather finger, just for a few seconds, just to understand all those teasing hints he keeps giving us about pleasure island, and what lies after that! But no longer than that. His chemotherapy has left him frail and tired.
If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
A big seafood paella, full of mussels, scallops, langoustines, calamari and probably monkfish, maybe even some octopus. There’d be hardly any room for rice… just a big tasty pile of succulent surf. If it ends in a food fight, all well and good… It gets my other appetites going.
What is your favourite word?
(gives a filthy, suggestive look) Ten-ta-cles… tickling, tingling tentacles.
What makes you cry?
Hahaha… getting expelled from school I suppose. I thought my life was over. I don’t generally cry when I’m in a tickling encounter, although it can get very intense and overwhelming.
…And what makes you laugh?
I'm a little scared to tell you... i've noticed your fingers twitching. You don't know you're doing it but i can always tell when somebody 's dying to give me a jolly good tickle!
If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
Hmm… not sure? Perhaps a clown fish, so I could swim in amongst those tentacles without being stung, just feel them brushing me. Hmm!
If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?
I’d go back to my plan for my oceanic research centre in California. I’d bring the doctor with me, so we could breed as many different creatures geared towards the project as we could. Instead of one giant octopus, I’d have three, one for each of us. There would so much scope for variation.
Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
With everything going on in the world, it’s usually half empty the way big corporations grab profits. Buuuut… In my life I think it’s almost overflowing.
Who was your hero as a child?
David Attenborough or Rachel Carson, the Marine Biologist.
If you could go on a date with an actor, who would it be?
Living or dead?
…we’ll go with living.
Patrick Stewart. Isn’t he sexy?!
…make it so…
Sorry? Are you being facetious?
…err…
(she just smiles at the interviewer like he’s special needs or something) don’t be clever, baby boy, you won’t last five minutes with me. (At this point fans may want to impersonate a plane crashing and burning – ed. Happy now?).
What do you do for fun?
…. Ahem, I consider my research pretty good fun. When I’m not doing that, well… you’ve seen what I get up to.
Are you an outdoor or an indoor person
If I’m outdoors, I’m usually wearing something consisting little more than pieces of string, or low cut and figure hugging. If I’m indoors I’ll be working or enjoying a thorough tickling.
If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
Try to get as far as I could with my work, and then spend the rest of my time out of my head in sexual ecstacy, perhaps push myself into a situation where the sheer pleasure would cause a cardiac arrest. Go out prematurely that way than any other.
…but what if they found a cure just in time?
Shut up will you, hahaha! Hell, perhaps the whole Earth would only have six months… (ed. She’s right! SHUT UP!)
What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
Interesting, tall… voracious!
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Hopefully involved with what I’m doing now, but more along the lines of designing new encounters, perhaps for a new group of foxes?...
What are you most proud of in your life?
Making the descision to study Marine biology. I’m hoping it will serve me well into the future.
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
I own several pets, although not what you’d call the traditional kind. They’re mainly acquired through work; if I’m working fairly hard on one, the doc will trust me to look after it. I’ve only had one die on me, literally. It was out of its tank too long and kind of just peeled off my left breast.
…Were you sad?
No, I wasn’t sad, just annoyed as it had been doing a thoroughly good job.
Who do you admire most?
I’m quite a fan of what the Doctor has done, although you can see the toll it’s taken on him. He’s a respected naturalist and pioneering geneticist. He’s a great man.
Are you and him… you know…
No, I’m not a ‘gerontophile’! (rears up, indignant at this slur – Ed. You’ve blown it!) we have fun but it’s hardly like I’m sleeping with him. Perhaps if I went with his dad (intewrviewer double-takes) Oh yes… his dad is still alive and still full of beans. He’s 109. Write that down, you hack!(While the interviewer is quite capable, he’s sure this very large, athletic girl could cause him severe damage, and how could he swing a punch at a face like that? cue the Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up – the Interviewer being the bitch - It’s getting a bit tense so we have a little break).
Soooo… do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
No. I don’t think they look very smart or sexy. You should get one… (waves finger along forehead) here.
Right… When do you plan on getting married?
Hopefully never.
Err…Get the number or give the number?
I really can’t be bothered with the dating game. I usually end up with several numbers after an evening out, even though I’ve been careful with my bag, phone and, err… shoes.
Romance or Kinky Sex?
I’m pretty demanding in that department, and I like foreplay. Lot’s of foreplay, although it’s never romantic. A few saps have misread my advances as wanting a relationship, and I’ve not so much let them down gently, but thrown them from the roof, emotionally speaking. I love kinky sex, if you can call it that.
How do you feel?
Hungry. I skipped lunch to do this…
…do you want…?
No, it’s fine (she holds her tummy).
What size shoe do you wear?
An eight or so, which given my height is quite petite, which should please the few foot-fanciers we have.
Water or 100% Juice?
I think you should at least dilute it. The sugar and acid content in pure juice will destroy your teeth.
Would you rather be hot or cold?
Hot. I’ve no problem stripping down, and if I’m still hot then I start glowing pleasantly.
Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Perhaps the guy who sent this in has already made his mind up, if he has one?
…No, I guess he doesn’t… (gulp)
Favorite Place to Eat?
An adventurous seafood restaurant, which is a rare thing here. a few places along the med, and Japan have quite a stunning array. I could eat seafood everyday.
Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
I usually leave our friend Dominic to choose, whether it’s a Busby Berkley-type musical or a one-man street performance of Macbeth, Dominic knows where the ‘happenings’ are.
What is your favourite clothing brand?
I'm not what you'd call a label fascist, but i love men who wear bespoke suits. Saville Row. I prefer stately and elegant to 'bling'...horrific word
If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
My yellow VW Beetle. It’s the new model, but Lucy still hums the theme tune from Herbie, hahahaha! Her sobriquet isn’t Loopy for nothing. Have you seen Herbie?
Yes, which brings me to the next question!...
Your favourite Disney Films?
One of the older ones… I’ll say The Jungle Book. I’d love to be wrapped up in kaa’s coils!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Lucy was singing on it’s side of the road, hehehe.
Where is Waldo?
A dark stain under J.K. Rowling’s shoe, along with Peter Rabbit and Noddy.
Sorry, I…
Translation: Harry Potter’s taken over kids’ fiction.
Favorite element?
Like magnesium?
No, the four spiritual-type…
Oh, of the four, water.
What was your last thought?
A chicken sandwich! I’m hungry.
Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
Don’t rub it in! I’ll be healthy and take Juice and Crackers.
Favorite fruit?
Pineapples... Melons (she holds her colossal boobs together, smiling while your Interviewer sucks on his bottom lip in case he says ‘mammy’)… anything refreshing and with lots of juice.
Which is worse; bad laugh or bad cough?
A Cough will go away eventually, but a bad laugh is reeeaallly irritating!
Are you a cat or a dog person?
Neither. We have a dog, but I’m not that keen. Can I say octopus? They’re about as intelligent you know.
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Deaf, quite easily.
Define yourself in 3 words...
Thoughtful. delectable… no! I can’t say that… can I?
… I think you’re on safe ground there.
You can be kind, you see! (interviewer grins in acknowledgement, perhaps missing her tone)… curious? I’d say I was a curious person.
Do you eat cold cereal at night?
Probably not, no. (she looks at little bothered by that question – ed. Who ever sent that in is banned…was it you?)
What is your favourite TV show?
Anything interesting about nature. I don’t mean Rolf’s Hospice for lame kittens or dead otters at Longleat. Just high quality documentaries about the wild, and the ocean… except for Blue Planet which had made up noises for shrimp and Jellyfish. Utter fiction.
Kill the spider or let it out?
Let it out…eventually. I just sit him in a glass and take a good long look before shooing him outside, although I found they attach themselves to you on the way out. It was quite tickly but more annoying.
Do you shower every single day?
I love a long, hot shower, and I try to get one into my day…well, I always have a quick shower in the morning, but if I can prolong it just for a few minutes. (her smile oozes sexiness) divine!
Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
Not in London. They’re professional hustlers. No tramps either. Have you ever been groped by a tramp who stinks of shit?… I floored the bastard with a sharp kick to his diseased nuts. I’ve got extremely powerful legs, you see.
…(scared out of wits) I-I see…
… (pheww), What is your favourite Pj Fabric
I don’t own any. Just a shear nightie for when it gets chilly.
Where do you want to travel next?
Oohh, I really can’t wait for Pleasure Island. It sounds like it’s going to be real medley of creatures!
What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out?
Set fire to his face and watch it melt. Okay, that is a little extreme, but what else do you do with a kiddy-tickler?
(shaking head in earnest) Nothing at all…
What is your favorite food?
Seafood. Anything fishy and salty (interviewer looks to the side, blushing)… hahahaha, I couldn’t wait to see what response that would get!
What is your favourite place?
Of the places we’ve been toooo… perhaps the aquarium, although as a base of operations, this is quite wonderful.
If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
To shrink myself down to the size of a grain of sand, although as soon as something threatening came my way, I’d grow large enough to squash it.
Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Just water with ice.
Favorite body part?
I like my body as a whole. It just looks ‘right’…okay that’s big-headed but I love showing it off… not ALL of it, hehe, but the curves are all on display. It makes me feel extremely sexy to have so many eyeballs glued to me when I’m all naked and usually oiled. I like my bluey-green eyes and dark hair. People say they make me look strikingly hot, although my chest might be the main factor, hehehe.
(Don’t. Say. Anything.)
Flip flops or sandals?
I go barefoot if I can.
What do you do on Fridays?
I might go out, although it does get tiresome. Staying in is usually the best option for me, as I do so get annoyed by loud idiots (She doesn’t look at interviewer!) A swim and perhaps a little tickle before bedtime.
Do you like bananas?
Is it because my contour suit looks like a banana skin?
How tall are you?
6’ 0 ½’’, which given the average height of each sex, would make me 6’7’’ if I were a guy! I’ve always been taller than a lot of girls, with the exception of Doris, who may actually be carrying a few Y-chromosomes we don’t know about!
(interviewer stands gingerly, and tentatively puts out a quivering hand) cheers then… Barbara.
(she grabs the interviewers clammy hand and brings him close, under the glare of those flashing blues, before breaking into a smirk) hahahaha, there’s nothing wrong some friendly badinage. Don’t take it all so personally you berk, besides, it’s nice not to have someone slobbering over me for a change. Send me those other interviews, okay? (She bounces out of the room, but then leans back in, her inviting bosom threatening to pour from the lace blouse, she is very happy about something)
Make it so!...hahahahahahaha… goodni-yight, Fozzy! (a worn-out and pallid interview slumps into the chair, chuckling quietly. He feels like an old ball of string that a cat has effortlessly teased apart… wait, that’s a good analogy. Write that down. I just have! Brilliant!)
Still under the spell of Lucy’s kiss, your interviewer can only smile limply as Barbara slinks in. She looks tall in the publications, but in the flesh she really is statuesque. Standing just over six foot (no heels, chaps), she also possesses the biggest boobs of the three sisters. They are gigantic. It is quite difficult to look away, despite them being contained under a lacy blouse and merino wool fleece. Her midriff is exposed slightly as the blouse hangs someway out from her navel due to her prominent bosom. She wears skinny jeans that hang off the hip and what appear to deck plimsolls. Her hair is a rich dark brown, and she has the deepest tan of the girls. Her skin is like caramel. Her eyes are blue and striking, her mouth is sweet and pouting, and her voice carries more than expected; measured and confident. She’d make a great dominatrix…
Hi-hi-hi there…
Hello.
Who are you?
Barbara Elisabeta Fox
When and where were you born?
1st June 1988 in Bournemouth, United Kingdom.
What is your favourite song of all time?
Something that screams raunch, and is a little bit dark. Depeche Mode’s I Feel Loved, ATB’s 9PM Till I come, a couple of tracks by Leftfield and Moby. I quite like Dance, but only good dance. I suppose I don’t have a particular favourite, no.
Do you like to bake/cook?
I… can when I want to, or have time. Yes, I quite like making an impression at the dinner table.
So do I; Christopher Walken, Frank Spencer… ‘oh, Bet-tee!’
No, you fool… (ed- she knows you then)
…err, do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in ghosts from the past but (her mouth curls into a vulpine grin), not ghosts in the Jacob Marley sense.
Winter or summer?
Both have their attractions. Of course I can show my body off in the summer, but I can spend more time with the doctor in the winter. I tend to get more work done then, Hmhm!
If you could pick anyone dead or alive to have lunch with, who would it be?
(wrinkles her brow). Ooh, this one… my sisters of course, as long as Lucy can sit still… oh, she has a habit of fidgeting and bouncing and making a nuisance of herself… look, I’ll keep these short. The doctor is always welcome, and I suppose we better have Dominic make some conversation.
…Famous people?
Famous people? Dead or alive? Can I bring Dr Robert Winston? He could explain to Nina and Lucy what work the doctor and I are doing while they play with his moustache!
What are your "comfy clothes"?
As little as possible. (smiles) that’s all.
if you were one of the seven dwarfs, who would you be?
Doc, hehehehe.
Do you believe in heaven and hell?
(shakes head, mouthing ‘no no no’)
Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Sgt. Pepper is always considered once of the great psychedelic firsts, but how many times had Lennon listened to the beach boys’ Pet Sounds? For artistic ouput, the Beatles; for unabashed sexual energy, the Stones… I know I said i’d keep them short but that was an interesting one.
What colour are your eyes?
Aquamarine… greeny-blue. They set off well against my dark hair, don’t you think?
…(looking into her eyes, dribbling slightly – ed. Oh for god's sake…)
…Come along, be a good boy.
Err… What sort of character would you play in a comic book (hero, humorous sidekick, villain, that abrasive newspaper guy, etc.)
Can I be Dr Doom’s girlfriend? Hahahah!
….Oh, do you like comics?
No thanks, I just like Julian McMahon.
If you were to pick one room in the Mansion to be trapped in, what would it be?
The one furthest from the guy who sent this in.
If you were one word, what word would you be?
(looks down) Amazonian? I kind of think that fits the bill.
If you could time travel, what would be your first stop?
The Galapagos Islands just before the Beagle sent men ashore… I’m a bit mischievous like that… sorry Charles! (Darwin)
What is your natural hair colour?
dark brown.
How many people are in your family?
I never see my parents, but apart from them and my sisters, I see the doc as someone akin to an uncle, well an uncle who doesn’t have a problem grabbing hold of his niece and tickling her. Dominic is almost like an annoying little brother, even though he’s two years older than Nina.
Favorite Rapper
Wrong person to ask, I really couldn’t say… LL Cool J? Who knows? Next.
Whats the First Thing You Notice In A Boy?
A boy? Like Harry Potter hehe? Boys don’t have what I’m looking for, which before you ask is considerable intelligence and enough experience so they don’t gawp at my cleavage when I’m trying to talk to them. I don’t mind a furtive peek here and there but gawping in plain sight is pretty sad.
What language would you like to speak fluently?
I’m trying to pin down French at the minute. ‘J’espère que vous avez apporte votre chiffon de plume’… that was ‘I hope you’ve brought your feather duster!’ hahahaha… I would like to get to grips with Italian, and possibly Russian, as they are deeply sexy spoken languages! (almost smouldering)
How many kids, if any, would you want to have?
None thankyou. I’m not sure who my own mother really was, so I’m not sure I’d be any good in that role.
Which religion do you choose to follow?
Science. Don’t confuse that with Scientology, guys. I’m not completely stupid.
Performing Arts, Fine Arts, or Sports?
I do enjoy sports, but only when I’m playing it and feel my capillaries oxygenate, I’m no fan of watching it. I like to indulge Dominic’s artistic fascinations. I was once part of his installation called ‘the media persona and voyeurism,’ and it was basically me, naked, in a Perspex box with lengths of ligaments dangling from hooks under the lid, and along each one were several clusters of eyeballs from different animals. He kept adding these disgusting trails – which reached all the way to my ankles, and resting all over my body - until I was completely obscured by ligaments, veins and these googley eyeballs… like being swallowed by the blob… real creepy! I could only hear these muffled voices as the box filled up with offal. Several people were pretty frantic when they came back and just saw this ‘abattoir’ instead of me! Dominic told them that the ‘voyeur has become the subject of his own gaze’. Then he let me go! Hey, don’t me go on like that!
(Adopts Stan Lee voice)I gotta tell ya, the fans'll love it!
(looks unsettled)Oh, well I’m sure they will…
Riding horses or riding dolphins?
Both are a little sedate for me. I’d like to ride with a Giant Pacific Octopus off the California coast. There’s an adventure waiting to happen!
… but they’re massive, and they eat people!
No, hahaha! They don’t eat people, just ‘taste’ them with their sucker cups… it’s like being kissed by the lips of a thousand angels… (a spot of dribble appears on interviewers bottom lip) aahahem! (sucks dribble back in – Ed. A thousand angels?!) wakey wakey?
Are you fed up of all these questions?
No, I think I’ve hit my stride.
Fish or Fowl?
Fish, for any reason. I like it slippery.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Well all avian forms must ultimately come from an egg, in fact all vertebrate life comes from some form of ovum. No question really.
What is your favorite color?
Purple. I just like it. Perhaps it’s some of animals I study, like the anemones and medusae. I also like soft pink, for similar reasons.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
Not much. A grizzly would probably kill it.
Beach or mountain?
The beach of course! Perfect for field research, but mind those jellies - we only use species who feed on algae, so they don’t come with nematocysts. Don’t flip one on your spade and slip it down anyone’s top. It might kill them!
Left handed or right handed?
Right handed, okay?
Who do you count on when feeling down?
I work any frustration out my own way, or if it’s a sad, depressed feeling I’ll talk to Nina, or sometimes Lucy, though she is quite blonde about most things. I’d rather not disturb the doctor, although I’m sure he’d listen.
Do you plan in advance?
Always. Experiments can be dangerous anyway, so I always get everything ready before the Doctor arrives. In life in general, I tend to be more organised than the others, read up on the biology of anything we might encounter, not that it makes any difference when you’re in the throat pouch of a 900lb pelican!
What attracts you most?
About the opposite sex? Dexterity, physical and mental. They have to be intelligent and open-minded. A lot of younger men I meet are complete idiots and should be castrated to save humanity. Only older men can really appreciate a woman fully. Guys my age just want to play with my tits, then it’s all over. Oh, resilience is another one. I don’t need to meet another posh twit who thinks his expensive education and moneyed parents will get him into my knickers, only to fondle me for two minutes and drunkenly declare ‘he’s done’.
Do you hold hands when you walk in public?
Not really. There’s no one in my life like that.
…like a bloke?
Yes, a boyfriend, you wag.
...I'm free this friday night...
You're probably free every night...
(interviewer got his hand burn't there, didn't he?)
How many hobbies do you have?
Quite a few. My main hobby is of course working with the doctor. I’m studying for a degree in Marine biology. Hopefully I can carry on the doctor’s work, with the help of some others. Genetics isn’t my strong point.
Close your eyes for a moment, who pops into your head?
The doctor, looking at me… looking into my eyes. ‘There’s hope for you’ he says. It was after I got expelled from my old school for giving the photographer a heart attack. I did very well on my entrance exam and I told him I liked biology.
( for the first time, Barbara looks vulnerable)That’s a very special memory.
Do you say "I love you" in the relationship?
I say it in a very different way to the romantic way you imagine, usually with a hearty giggle to whatever incredible creature is tickling me to orgasm!
Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?
I’d be honoured, although there are enough life forms here to be studied. Perhaps I could send Lucy to test their tickling capabilities, and then go myself when I have enough knowledge of the pleasures our little blue marble has to offer, but it probably won’t happen in my lifetime.
Describe your perfect Sunday morning?
Breakfast with the doc, Nina and Lucy, talking about what the next project might involve. If the girls are shacked up with someone else for the night, I’ll slip into the shower with a friend… or seven!
If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?
The job I’m training for, although I really would like to oversee the projects Doctor Featherfinger has worked so hard creating.
If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
I wouldn’t mind a place near the Aquarium, although I’d like my own aquarium and sea lab with an airlock to the octopus pen, and it would be about seven times the size of the complex Oswald used to run, with lots more creatures and facilites. Perhaps one day…
…So, you have some big ambitions?
Oh yes, huge ambitions! 38-GG, hehehe. (Interviewers eyes are drawn – Ed. We get it!)
If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
Dr Feather finger, just for a few seconds, just to understand all those teasing hints he keeps giving us about pleasure island, and what lies after that! But no longer than that. His chemotherapy has left him frail and tired.
If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
A big seafood paella, full of mussels, scallops, langoustines, calamari and probably monkfish, maybe even some octopus. There’d be hardly any room for rice… just a big tasty pile of succulent surf. If it ends in a food fight, all well and good… It gets my other appetites going.
What is your favourite word?
(gives a filthy, suggestive look) Ten-ta-cles… tickling, tingling tentacles.
What makes you cry?
Hahaha… getting expelled from school I suppose. I thought my life was over. I don’t generally cry when I’m in a tickling encounter, although it can get very intense and overwhelming.
…And what makes you laugh?
I'm a little scared to tell you... i've noticed your fingers twitching. You don't know you're doing it but i can always tell when somebody 's dying to give me a jolly good tickle!
If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
Hmm… not sure? Perhaps a clown fish, so I could swim in amongst those tentacles without being stung, just feel them brushing me. Hmm!
If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?
I’d go back to my plan for my oceanic research centre in California. I’d bring the doctor with me, so we could breed as many different creatures geared towards the project as we could. Instead of one giant octopus, I’d have three, one for each of us. There would so much scope for variation.
Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
With everything going on in the world, it’s usually half empty the way big corporations grab profits. Buuuut… In my life I think it’s almost overflowing.
Who was your hero as a child?
David Attenborough or Rachel Carson, the Marine Biologist.
If you could go on a date with an actor, who would it be?
Living or dead?
…we’ll go with living.
Patrick Stewart. Isn’t he sexy?!
…make it so…
Sorry? Are you being facetious?
…err…
(she just smiles at the interviewer like he’s special needs or something) don’t be clever, baby boy, you won’t last five minutes with me. (At this point fans may want to impersonate a plane crashing and burning – ed. Happy now?).
What do you do for fun?
…. Ahem, I consider my research pretty good fun. When I’m not doing that, well… you’ve seen what I get up to.
Are you an outdoor or an indoor person
If I’m outdoors, I’m usually wearing something consisting little more than pieces of string, or low cut and figure hugging. If I’m indoors I’ll be working or enjoying a thorough tickling.
If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
Try to get as far as I could with my work, and then spend the rest of my time out of my head in sexual ecstacy, perhaps push myself into a situation where the sheer pleasure would cause a cardiac arrest. Go out prematurely that way than any other.
…but what if they found a cure just in time?
Shut up will you, hahaha! Hell, perhaps the whole Earth would only have six months… (ed. She’s right! SHUT UP!)
What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
Interesting, tall… voracious!
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Hopefully involved with what I’m doing now, but more along the lines of designing new encounters, perhaps for a new group of foxes?...
What are you most proud of in your life?
Making the descision to study Marine biology. I’m hoping it will serve me well into the future.
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
I own several pets, although not what you’d call the traditional kind. They’re mainly acquired through work; if I’m working fairly hard on one, the doc will trust me to look after it. I’ve only had one die on me, literally. It was out of its tank too long and kind of just peeled off my left breast.
…Were you sad?
No, I wasn’t sad, just annoyed as it had been doing a thoroughly good job.
Who do you admire most?
I’m quite a fan of what the Doctor has done, although you can see the toll it’s taken on him. He’s a respected naturalist and pioneering geneticist. He’s a great man.
Are you and him… you know…
No, I’m not a ‘gerontophile’! (rears up, indignant at this slur – Ed. You’ve blown it!) we have fun but it’s hardly like I’m sleeping with him. Perhaps if I went with his dad (intewrviewer double-takes) Oh yes… his dad is still alive and still full of beans. He’s 109. Write that down, you hack!(While the interviewer is quite capable, he’s sure this very large, athletic girl could cause him severe damage, and how could he swing a punch at a face like that? cue the Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up – the Interviewer being the bitch - It’s getting a bit tense so we have a little break).
Soooo… do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
No. I don’t think they look very smart or sexy. You should get one… (waves finger along forehead) here.
Right… When do you plan on getting married?
Hopefully never.
Err…Get the number or give the number?
I really can’t be bothered with the dating game. I usually end up with several numbers after an evening out, even though I’ve been careful with my bag, phone and, err… shoes.
Romance or Kinky Sex?
I’m pretty demanding in that department, and I like foreplay. Lot’s of foreplay, although it’s never romantic. A few saps have misread my advances as wanting a relationship, and I’ve not so much let them down gently, but thrown them from the roof, emotionally speaking. I love kinky sex, if you can call it that.
How do you feel?
Hungry. I skipped lunch to do this…
…do you want…?
No, it’s fine (she holds her tummy).
What size shoe do you wear?
An eight or so, which given my height is quite petite, which should please the few foot-fanciers we have.
Water or 100% Juice?
I think you should at least dilute it. The sugar and acid content in pure juice will destroy your teeth.
Would you rather be hot or cold?
Hot. I’ve no problem stripping down, and if I’m still hot then I start glowing pleasantly.
Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Perhaps the guy who sent this in has already made his mind up, if he has one?
…No, I guess he doesn’t… (gulp)
Favorite Place to Eat?
An adventurous seafood restaurant, which is a rare thing here. a few places along the med, and Japan have quite a stunning array. I could eat seafood everyday.
Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
I usually leave our friend Dominic to choose, whether it’s a Busby Berkley-type musical or a one-man street performance of Macbeth, Dominic knows where the ‘happenings’ are.
What is your favourite clothing brand?
I'm not what you'd call a label fascist, but i love men who wear bespoke suits. Saville Row. I prefer stately and elegant to 'bling'...horrific word
If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
My yellow VW Beetle. It’s the new model, but Lucy still hums the theme tune from Herbie, hahahaha! Her sobriquet isn’t Loopy for nothing. Have you seen Herbie?
Yes, which brings me to the next question!...
Your favourite Disney Films?
One of the older ones… I’ll say The Jungle Book. I’d love to be wrapped up in kaa’s coils!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Lucy was singing on it’s side of the road, hehehe.
Where is Waldo?
A dark stain under J.K. Rowling’s shoe, along with Peter Rabbit and Noddy.
Sorry, I…
Translation: Harry Potter’s taken over kids’ fiction.
Favorite element?
Like magnesium?
No, the four spiritual-type…
Oh, of the four, water.
What was your last thought?
A chicken sandwich! I’m hungry.
Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
Don’t rub it in! I’ll be healthy and take Juice and Crackers.
Favorite fruit?
Pineapples... Melons (she holds her colossal boobs together, smiling while your Interviewer sucks on his bottom lip in case he says ‘mammy’)… anything refreshing and with lots of juice.
Which is worse; bad laugh or bad cough?
A Cough will go away eventually, but a bad laugh is reeeaallly irritating!
Are you a cat or a dog person?
Neither. We have a dog, but I’m not that keen. Can I say octopus? They’re about as intelligent you know.
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Deaf, quite easily.
Define yourself in 3 words...
Thoughtful. delectable… no! I can’t say that… can I?
… I think you’re on safe ground there.
You can be kind, you see! (interviewer grins in acknowledgement, perhaps missing her tone)… curious? I’d say I was a curious person.
Do you eat cold cereal at night?
Probably not, no. (she looks at little bothered by that question – ed. Who ever sent that in is banned…was it you?)
What is your favourite TV show?
Anything interesting about nature. I don’t mean Rolf’s Hospice for lame kittens or dead otters at Longleat. Just high quality documentaries about the wild, and the ocean… except for Blue Planet which had made up noises for shrimp and Jellyfish. Utter fiction.
Kill the spider or let it out?
Let it out…eventually. I just sit him in a glass and take a good long look before shooing him outside, although I found they attach themselves to you on the way out. It was quite tickly but more annoying.
Do you shower every single day?
I love a long, hot shower, and I try to get one into my day…well, I always have a quick shower in the morning, but if I can prolong it just for a few minutes. (her smile oozes sexiness) divine!
Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
Not in London. They’re professional hustlers. No tramps either. Have you ever been groped by a tramp who stinks of shit?… I floored the bastard with a sharp kick to his diseased nuts. I’ve got extremely powerful legs, you see.
…(scared out of wits) I-I see…
… (pheww), What is your favourite Pj Fabric
I don’t own any. Just a shear nightie for when it gets chilly.
Where do you want to travel next?
Oohh, I really can’t wait for Pleasure Island. It sounds like it’s going to be real medley of creatures!
What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out?
Set fire to his face and watch it melt. Okay, that is a little extreme, but what else do you do with a kiddy-tickler?
(shaking head in earnest) Nothing at all…
What is your favorite food?
Seafood. Anything fishy and salty (interviewer looks to the side, blushing)… hahahaha, I couldn’t wait to see what response that would get!
What is your favourite place?
Of the places we’ve been toooo… perhaps the aquarium, although as a base of operations, this is quite wonderful.
If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
To shrink myself down to the size of a grain of sand, although as soon as something threatening came my way, I’d grow large enough to squash it.
Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Just water with ice.
Favorite body part?
I like my body as a whole. It just looks ‘right’…okay that’s big-headed but I love showing it off… not ALL of it, hehe, but the curves are all on display. It makes me feel extremely sexy to have so many eyeballs glued to me when I’m all naked and usually oiled. I like my bluey-green eyes and dark hair. People say they make me look strikingly hot, although my chest might be the main factor, hehehe.
(Don’t. Say. Anything.)
Flip flops or sandals?
I go barefoot if I can.
What do you do on Fridays?
I might go out, although it does get tiresome. Staying in is usually the best option for me, as I do so get annoyed by loud idiots (She doesn’t look at interviewer!) A swim and perhaps a little tickle before bedtime.
Do you like bananas?
Is it because my contour suit looks like a banana skin?
How tall are you?
6’ 0 ½’’, which given the average height of each sex, would make me 6’7’’ if I were a guy! I’ve always been taller than a lot of girls, with the exception of Doris, who may actually be carrying a few Y-chromosomes we don’t know about!
(interviewer stands gingerly, and tentatively puts out a quivering hand) cheers then… Barbara.
(she grabs the interviewers clammy hand and brings him close, under the glare of those flashing blues, before breaking into a smirk) hahahaha, there’s nothing wrong some friendly badinage. Don’t take it all so personally you berk, besides, it’s nice not to have someone slobbering over me for a change. Send me those other interviews, okay? (She bounces out of the room, but then leans back in, her inviting bosom threatening to pour from the lace blouse, she is very happy about something)
Make it so!...hahahahahahaha… goodni-yight, Fozzy! (a worn-out and pallid interview slumps into the chair, chuckling quietly. He feels like an old ball of string that a cat has effortlessly teased apart… wait, that’s a good analogy. Write that down. I just have! Brilliant!)
