Real news items that make you feel NORMAL

[njjen3953]

A four-year-old Austrian boy was so disgusted by his grandmother's
plum dumplings that he dialed emergency services for help, Austrian
state television ORF said on Tuesday. When the startled policeman on
the other end of the line in Linz, Upper Austria, asked the young
caller what he thought the police should do, the boy was clueless,
the report said. The officer pleaded with the boy to give
grandmother's plum dumplings (Zwetschkenknoedel) another chance. He
agreed and hung up.

----------

Mystified by soaring hot water bills, the landlord of an apartment
building in southern Sweden installed water-saving shower nozzles and
checked for leaking pipes before finally discovering the culprit. A
pet turtle had enjoyed living in a stream of running water at a
steady temperature of 36 Celsius for 18 months. The local utility
estimated the turtle's consumption at 5,000 cubic meters of water and
160,000 kWh of district heating at a cost of $15,15O, a local
newspaper in the town of Helsingborg reported Wednesday. The tenant,
who has agreed to repay the landlord for the extra costs, and the
turtle still live in the apartment but nowadays the pet only gets
fresh bathing water every now and then, the newspaper reported.


If you like these, I will start posting them regularly.

Jen

 

[QBWeaver]

More, More, More! I love this stuff!

 

[qjakal]

But...

I don't feel a bit more normal! Guess we need more...thanks Jen! I like "odd" stories also! Q

 

[venray]

You will RESPECT my authority........post more!!!

or..............









It wont be pretty.......🙄

Ven

 

[njjen3953]

Oh My Goodness. Whatever should I do now?

I want to keep posting this type of stuff. I think it is very interesting. But Venray's ultimatum has me unsure. I think I would like to know what it would feel like to disobey him. 😉 😛

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

OK. I will keep posting it as long as Ray makes sure to enforce his threat if I miss a day. 😱

Jen

 

[venray]

Done.....


Ven









ROFLMAO

 

[njjen3953]

 

[njjen3953]

A Welsh police team dubbed "the Frying Squad" has been formed to
sniff out motorists who fuel their cars with cooking oil from fish
and chip shops in a bid to avoid paying high government fuel taxes.
Three Welsh motorists have already been caught and fined for using
waste oil from restaurants selling Britain's favorite deep-fried
dish, the Times newspaper reported Wednesday. "I have halved my
motoring costs since I started running my Subaru on cooking oil," the
paper quoted one of those stopped as saying. "The car runs just as
well and even smells a lot better than diesel." The drivers were
fined 500 pounds ($780) and warned that persistent offenders may face
up to seven years in jail.

----------

Germans who like to read on the toilet no longer need to take
newspapers in with them, but can instead turn to novels and poems
printed onto toilet paper, a German publisher said on Wednesday. "We
want our books to be used. That's our philosophy," said Georges
Hemmerstoffer, head of the Klo-Verlag which publishes the toilet
paper literature. About half of all people liked to read on the
toilet, he said. Each text was printed several times on one roll, so
that readers could actually use the paper and still leave behind some
entertainment for the next toilet visitor.

 

[QBWeaver]

"War and Peace" must be on a HUGE roll!

 

[njjen3953]

In the end, it seems it was just another dumb blond joke. The World
Health Organization, the Geneva-based health arm of the United
Nations, insisted on Tuesday that despite the many media reports to
the contrary, it had never conducted a study predicting the
extinction of the natural blond hair gene. This despite stories
around the world citing WHO research stating that natural blondes
would become extinct by 2202. Reports to that effect had appeared in
recent days on CNN and ABC News and in the London Daily Mail, among
others. But WHO said it has never conducted research on the topic.

----------

A man dubbed by authorities as the "bumbling bank robber" had his two
gold teeth knocked out as he ran into traffic and was hit by a van
while fleeing a heist, FBI agents in Miami said on Tuesday. The
suspect, who also may have shot himself accidentally, escaped in a
waiting get-away car but police recovered his teeth from the street
and held them as evidence, the FBI said. The suspect walked into a
Wachovia Bank branch in North Miami Beach on Monday, pulled a gun
from his pocket as he approached a teller and demanded that she fill
a bag with money, the FBI said. The teller gave him an undisclosed
sum of money and he turned to flee, discharging the gun as he stuffed
it back into his pocket, the FBI said. "It is unknown at this time
if the robber shot himself when the gun discharged," the FBI said in
a statement headlined "update on bumbling bank robber." The suspect
ran out of the bank into the street and was hit by a white van and
dragged under it, authorities said. He managed to get up and run to a
waiting car that sped away, leaving his teeth behind, the
investigators said.

 

[njjen3953]

Virgin Atlantic Airways is to replace tables in its newest planes
because passengers have broken them during illicit trysts, the Sun
newspaper said on Monday. The $200 million Airbus A340-600, which
was introduced several weeks ago, has a "mother and baby room" with a
plastic table meant for changing diapers. But passengers have
destroyed them by using them for love making. "Those determined to
join the Mile High Club will do so despite the lack of comforts," a
Virgin spokeswoman was quoted as saying. "We don't mind couples
having a good time, but this is not something that we would encourage
because of air regulations."

----------

A 42-year-old United Arab Emirates man finally got his high school
diploma after sitting for the exam 17 times, a local newspaper
reported Wednesday. The Gulf News said hospital worker Abdul Samad
Moosa had repeatedly tried to pass the exam which students normally
sit at the age of 17 or 18 -- and failed. But this year, Moosa
studied very hard and made the grade in English and mathematics to
receive the certificate he coveted. "Thank God," the paper quoted
the father of five as saying. "I intend to go to university and want
to specialize in IT." God help all us computer experts!

 

[milagros317]

In the end, it seems it was just another dumb blond joke. The World
Health Organization, the Geneva-based health arm of the United
Nations, insisted on Tuesday that despite the many media reports to
the contrary, it had never conducted a study predicting the
extinction of the natural blond hair gene. This despite stories
around the world citing WHO research stating that natural blondes
would become extinct by 2202. Reports to that effect had appeared in
recent days on CNN and ABC News and in the London Daily Mail, among
others. But WHO said it has never conducted research on the topic.

I never believed it anyway. One necessary requirement would be that Iceland gets completely covered by a glacier.

 

[milagros317]

Mila, are you saying that Iceland is populated exclusively by blondes? 😕 Because if it is, I might move there someday. 😀

Yes. The population of Iceland is only about 270,000, and they are the most genetically homogeneous country in the world.

 

[njjen3953]

Sorry Folks,
The site I get these from did not have any yesterday or today. Probably due to the holiday weekend. I will post again as soon as I get the next batch in.

Jen

 

[njjen3953]

Voters in a village in northern Greece have resorted to tradition,
after being forced to choose between two cousins during local
elections. Instead of sparking a family feud, the voters in the
village of Vlasti opted to split their votes down the middle giving
each of the two candidates 477 votes each. According to Greek
election rules, the winner will now be chosen with a flip of the
coin. Hmmm - maybe something they could learn in Florida!

----------

A homeless German man has discovered more than $21,000 in cash in a
rubbish bin while looking for food and handed the money straight over
to the police. Authorities say the man found the small fortune,
along with personal identification cards and a savings book, in a bin
at a bus stop. Police say the cash had not been stolen as initially
suspected but was instead discarded by what they have termed a
psychologically disturbed man. They say the homeless man is to
receive a reward for his honesty.

 

[njjen3953]

Two zookeepers in a small town in north-western Germany have been
suspended and put under police investigation for eating the zoo's
animals. A police spokesman in Recklinghausen, north of Cologne,
says the keepers in a section of the zoo popular with small children
had slaughtered and barbecued five Tibetan mountain chickens and two
Cameroonian sheep."The animals were in the pet zoo, where all the
children would go to stroke them," the spokesman said. Suspicious
zoo managers called police after the animals went missing.

----------

An Israeli man has reportedly suffered a heart attack when he
summoned a callgirl to his hotel and opened the door to his daughter. The Maariv daily newspaper reports the 48-year-old
businessman was treated in hospital in the Red Sea port of Eilat
before returning home to northern Israel, where he confessed the
traumatic experience to his wife. It says his wife burst into tears
and vowed to put their daughter back on the righteous path, then
demanded a divorce from her errant husband. There was no word on the
fate of the young woman.

 

[njjen3953]

A Chinese man has been turned back from Russia after he set off a
Geiger counter at the border, with radiation levels from his body 200
times higher than normal. The man, whose identity was not released,
was detained at a border crossing in Russia's far-eastern Primorye
region, RIA Novosti news agency reported, citing local police. The
report says he set off the detector at the border station and a
further check showed radiation levels around his throat were
highest. The man explained he was taking a special radioactive
medication to cure his thyroid gland problems but authorities decided
to deport him back to China as a safety precaution.

----------

A Hungarian couple has given new meaning to the idea of wife-swapping
with a pair of controversial sex-change operations that changed their
genders and incited a hospital riot. Both partners in the unnamed
couple underwent successful sex reassignment surgery, with him
becoming a her and her becoming a him at a clinic in the southern
city of Szeged. But the daily Blikk newspaper reports patients in
the women's ward rioted after finding out about their new comrade,
who had to be moved to the men's quarters. A doctor at the clinic
said he was horrified that details of the case had leaked out.

 

[QBWeaver]

I love this stuff. I have to dig up some funny insurance stuff that is all true but will make your head spin!

 

[njjen3953]

Hundreds of Christians from across the Hunter Valley have joined
together for a day of prayer for rain in New South Wales. Cathy
Burnog from the Hunter Valley Prayer Network says the 24-hours of
prayer began at 6:00am AEST today, and is being supported by people
from other states. Ms Burnog says the last time such an event was
held, there was immediate success. "We had a day of prayer back in
1994, I think, in the last drought and it rained the very day that we
started to pray, so we just believe that this time God's going to
hear our prayers again and he's going to give us what we ask for,"
she said.

----------

A peasant in central China is recovering in hospital after uncorking
a bottle of spirits containing what was supposed to be a dead,
preserved snake which promptly leapt out and bit him. The shock for
the man, named Li, came during his lunch break on Saturday when he
opened the bottle in which the snake had been pickled for a year, the
Beijing-based Xin Bao newspaper reports. Before he had a chance to
even sample the drink, the snake sank its teeth into his neck, the
paper said. He was taken to a nearby hospital in Suizhou
municipality but was not in danger.

 

[njjen3953]

SYDNEY, Friday: A man describing himself as a passionate
masturbator has admitted that he spiked his own drink with the
drug rohypnol in order to have his way with himself.

The man told police he deliberately set out to prey on his own
company, by slipping the potent sedative pill into his vodka and
tonic while he wasn't looking. He said his plan from the outset
was to take advantage of himself while his defenses were down.

"I was really on the hunt for some self-abuse," the man said.
"And when I saw this hottie bit of hand leaning on the bar I
slipped myself a mickey, and the next thing I know I was taking
myself back to my place."

Police have described the man as one of several predatory
masturbators currently operating in the watering holes around the
inner city of Sydney.

"In fact, it's fair to say that most Sydney bars are full of
wankers," a police spokesman said.

 

[njjen3953]

Bizarre ' Accidents' Suffered by Blokes...

A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood
dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw
he had a geranium inserted in his penis. The man had got the
flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it,
the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and
ripped it to shreds.

A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to
his wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped
a slice of bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt
up and took a bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to
restore the damage.

A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his
penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse
with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions, he noticed that
his erection was still at its full glory. Having struggled to
sleep through the night he woke up to find his boner still
standing proud, but due to him worrying about the police finding
out about his possession, and indeed the use of an illegal
substance, he decided against visiting his doctor. However after
three days of enduring headaches and nausea, caused by the
constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of
help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist
who diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital bloodstreams in his body,
as the cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs and
antibiotics to combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards
developed blood clots in various parts of his body with gangrene
setting in. As a result he lost both legs, nine fingers and his
penis.

You may want to grit your teeth before you read this. This is
really gruesome...

When a mate was studying in Ireland, he took up rugby. As his
first season wore on, the lads and him were eventually scheduled
to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.
Considering that they weren't the most talented outfit to have
ever taken the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a
"do or die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing their
way. They didn't, and to make matters worse their star player
dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was
clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood back to allow the
medic to, in one swift movement, slot the hip back into its
socket. Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To their
horror, they realised that one of his testicles had also been
jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by
the hip. Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with
his screaming.

 

[BigJim]

Jen, you are a witchdoctor! I am currently suffering from a virulent bout of flu and reading those stories made me laugh so hard I nearly ripped a vocal chord myself! Damn funny stuff Miss Jen, keep em coming. I need this for my rehabilitation. 😉

 

[njjen3953]

See? I don't need to be a tickler to make guys hysterical. 😀

Ahhhh, The power of humor. LOL

Jen

 

[njjen3953]

A plan to set up Australia's first camel dairy, south of Alice
Springs, will mean camel milk samples being sent to England for
special testing. Neil Waters from Camels Australia says the tests
are being done because some government departments do not classify
camels as livestock, which means the milk cannot be marketed for
human consumption. Mr Waters says if successful, his dairy will
begin marketing the milk to the health food industry because it is
similar to goats' milk. Now I know there are a lot of Arabs living
in England these days, but this is ridiculous!

----------

A California woman who allegedly flew into a rage and bit her husband
repeatedly after he refused to have sex with her is being held on
charges that police say may eventually include murder. Modesto
police said that Kelli Pratt, 45, attacked her 65-year-old husband
Arthur on Oct. 7, holding him down and biting him some 20 times after
a dispute over sex. "Most of the bites were confined to his arm and
his abdomen and a few were very deep with major tissue damage," Sgt.
Al Carter of the Modesto police told a television news reporter
Thursday. The Modesto Bee newspaper reported that Arthur Pratt,
whose skin was covered with more than 20 deep tooth marks, died
Sunday at a local hospital and that the local forensic pathologist
believes the bites are the likely cause of death. "He (the husband)
was able to dial 911 (emergency) that night," Carter told the
newspaper. "We have a tape recording of him screaming while she was
biting him. When officers arrived, he was screaming that he'd been
assaulted. She fought with the officers and tried to bite them, too."

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Those are some great stories