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Real Women Vs. Martha Stewart

njjen3953

4th Level Orange Feather
Joined
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Martha's Way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to
prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's
sake, you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating
it anyway.


Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
potatoes.

The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to
a year.


Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of
the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the
outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.


Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop
in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an
instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please
recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it
and I don't care how bad it tastes.


Martha's Way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it
will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.


Martha's Way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a
beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg
whites over the crust so I just don't do it.


Martha's Way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a
lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and
then the problem isn't the headache anymore, YOU'RE NOW BLIND!


Martha's Way #8:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.


And finally the most important tip for the holiday season......


Martha's Way #9:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for
future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine?????? (or lack thereof)!
 
Entertaining guests...

First, ply your guests with Sauza Hornitos tequila. Then carefully cut Pop Tarts into little rectangles, and serve them on a decorative platter....Voila! Petits fours! 😀

Your guests will say, in a somewhat slurred syntax, "That's a good thing!"
 
Martha's Way # 10:

When implicated in an illegal insider trading scandal, use your celebrity status to garner sympathy from the general public and your wealth to surround yourself with high-priced lawyers and spin-doctors.

The Real Woman's Way:

Go to jail.



😀
 
Don't underestimate Martha Stewart. She beat CHarles Barkley on a question about Michael Jordan on Celebrity Jelebrity
 
f*ck martha stewart.martha`s polishing the brass on the titanic,it`s all goin down man--tyler durden..fight club
 
Thanks for posting that, njjen.. that made my day, and I may have to send it to myself for later email distribution 🙂
 
indeed

Very funny, Dave :smirk:.

Your list, Jen, reminds me of the book "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche." Martha Stewart would have been a quiche eater 😉.
 
Martha's way:

Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer.
* Clean a toilet: Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
* Clean a vase: To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
* Polish jewelry: Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
* Clean a thermos bottle: Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

Real Woman's Way:

Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet.
Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole
bunch of problems at once.
 
ticklefreak/fem said:

Real Woman's Way:

Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet.
Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole
bunch of problems at once.

Actually, I'd like to think that the real Woman's way would be to look around at the dirty toilet, jewelry, vases, and thermoses, sigh, drink the Alka-Seltzer and then go out for a nice spicy lunch.

😀
 
i think i'm beginning to understand the logic

Real Woman's Way:

Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet.
Add some Alka-Seltzer.

Alternative method (Real Man's Way?):

Follow same procedure, then flush.
 
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