Limeoutsider
1st Level Green Feather
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2002
- Messages
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From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South CArolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Chrsitmas Eve.
Die to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North Amercian Faeries and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my 3rd cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the grinch stealing your presents from bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson.
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba dosen't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy eared, flyin coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliot and Petty.
5. "Ho Ho Ho" has been replaced by "Yee-Haw!" And you also
are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws. Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off"
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th street" and "It's a wonderful Life" will not be shown in your viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg saves Christmas" and "Smokey abd the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus dosen't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Clause
BIGHugs~
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South CArolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Chrsitmas Eve.
Die to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North Amercian Faeries and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my 3rd cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the grinch stealing your presents from bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson.
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba dosen't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy eared, flyin coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliot and Petty.
5. "Ho Ho Ho" has been replaced by "Yee-Haw!" And you also
are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws. Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off"
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th street" and "It's a wonderful Life" will not be shown in your viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg saves Christmas" and "Smokey abd the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus dosen't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Clause
BIGHugs~
