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seeking feedback on level of devotion to expect in a tickling based love relationship

  • Thread starter Thread starter SadAngelTicklee
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SadAngelTicklee

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🙁 Hello🙂
I'm pretty new here as a registered member , though I have been visiting this wonderful site for ages...this will be my first real post...hope i am doing this right...lol...I'm a bit nervous...I would really appreciate feedback on something from anyone who has either had a similar experience to mine or simply has an opinion to offer....(thanks alot in advance🙂
I have just been ejected (to put it bluntly) from what I believed was a one-of-a-kind tickling/love relationship with a man I believed was my true sole-mate...I have never been as close to anyone as I was with this person...aside from my father this man was my first and only real tickler...through our mutual interests and growing love for one another we stayed together almost 6 years...one day a few weeks ago he broke off our relationship...aside from the devastation of losing someone I believed I would have forever, I accidently saw a post on a site from him that dates back to several months ago seeking a woman, "any woman" I believe were his words to "tickle and have fun with"....I am so beyond hurt there really are no words to describe what I am feeling....the level of betrayal is especially painful to me since my history of being betrayed by men is what brought he and I even closer once he learned of my past...he promised he would never hurt me, never tickle anyone but me and never leave me...he is 3 for 3......may sound flakey but it wouldn't have hurt me more if he had been advertising for only sex...the thought of him wanting to tickle someone else atall much less at a time when I believed we were at our closest is incomprehensible to me....
I have been talking online to many people (primarily men) in the tickling communities for about 5 years now (w/my different sn's) in the scope of my conversations w/ men about tickling there is a general complaint among the male tickler population as expressed to me by more than 150 different ticklers of all races, ages , etc. that there is not only a shortage of female ticklees to talk with and tickle but most of these men have expressed a desire for a ticklee of their own , someone who is only tickled by them...i.e., "that special someone" Complaining that they have either never experienced the love and companionship of a very ticklish woman who loves to be tickled or that they are in an unfulfilling relationship with a woman who is either not ticklish or hates being tickled....so I am asking all for feedback... btw,men..this is not a personal attack on you guys and especially not male ticklers whom I adore to pieces...🙂 I would love feedback also from women into tickling that have had a similar experience or an opinion on how they feel about this issue.....I am asking if any of you might be able to shed some insight to me to help me understand what has happened to me...because I don't...why would a guy who loves feet and tickling leave a devoted, extremely ticklish, intelligent, attractive woman he had wrapped around his scampering fingers? Do any other ticklees feel betrayed if their bf's/husbands/ticklers want to tickle other women?

(I am not referring to our men looking at sites or vids or pics, I don't equate visual representation of tickling as a betrayal, actually I think it's hot...lol) anyway, I would really appreciate any feedback b/c I can't move on from this until I understand what has happened and why...it is difficult to accept that which we cannot understand and if the explanations we need are to be provided by someone that is not motivated to give us that explanation, simply because it doesn't affect his life the same way, then we are left with no choice than to treat it as an acceptable discomfort.
There are those of you who will know who I am simply by the way I write, by my history with this relationship and mostly I would imagine by my interests in this amazing fetish we call tickling..(love that word)...(I can withold my name and personal info but I can't not be me🙂 I just need to understand and I know there are so many of you out there that have valuable opinions and thoughts about this subject....maybe there is someone else that has gone thru this that it may help as well, I know it would help me...thank u so much...btw, someone very smart recently told me that I am good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it that people just like me...lol... so it isn't me , I'm wonderful...it's him, *smile*🙂 haha🙂
thank u again...
~angel
 
Wow...

NOT a merry Xmas story. Sorry you're in pain, and wish I had a good answer for human nature, but that's a question whose complexity is far beyond my meager intellect! I've been married for over 25 years, but it's not a true TK relationship such as you describe, so I guess I can't speak on that with any accuracy. About all I CAN add is that this fetish/fascination is extremely intense...much more so than the vanilla people could ever comprehend, but seeing as you're a willing participant even that falls short of being helpful. There are many here who are couples...some recent and a few long term, and hopefully they'll weigh in and perhaps have some perspective for you from their experienced background.

Guess I didn't help much, but just didn't want to brush by without a word...once again, sorry for your pain and all the best luck in working through this trying time in your life. Q
 
Qjakal...Thank u!🙂

You did help simply by "not just brushing by"...I don't really expect anyone to be able to tell me why my ex did what he did but just knowing that someone understands and cares on some level is helpful to me...so thanks again and please, never underestimate the power (of cheese...j/k) of a kind word...thank u again 😀
~angel
 
This sounds like involvement in our "activity" isn't much different than any other in a relationship.People leave relationships for all kinds of reasons,and many reasons make no sense at all.

This might give an idea about how to cope with your situation..cope with it as any other breakup you would be involved in.Use whatever mechanisms you would if the breakup were due other such parts of a failed relationship.
 
Angel, this is just my opinion, for what it's worth. It may or may not be applicable to you, so by all means, take it with a grain of salt. I'm afraid your relationship may have been doomed from the start. I don't believe their can be a solid relationship with tickling as it's basis. Like sex, tickling can be a wonderful part of the household but it makes a very shaky foundation. A relationship must be founded on mutual love for each other. I'm talking about a love that far transcends a mutual interest (or even obsession) in tickling...a love that's based on who that person is, not what he/she does or doesn't do.

Angel, you can't realistically apply sexual standards to tickling. If a guy is a tickler, it's unreasonable to expect him to only want to tickle the woman he's in love with. His love for tickling isn't based on devotion or commitment. It's just not that personal. If you look at most couples in the tickling community, they feel comfortable tickling and being tickled by friends in the community. This doesn't diminish their own relationships, but in many cases rather enhances them. As for myself, I'm a ticklee. I love to be tickled. My wife tickles me quite often, but she also tickles others. In no way do I feel slighted when she does, because I enjoy seeing her tickle. She also encourages other females to tickle me from time to time. It doesn't bother her because she doesn't apply sexual standards to tickling. I could meet the best and prettiest tickler on the face of the earth, but I'd never consider leaving my wife for her. I'm in love with my wife forever, because our relationship is based on mutual love and commitment, not a shared interest.

I know this doesn't help resolve your current situation, but hopefully might shed light on why things turned out the way they did. I wish you the best, and it's my sincere hope that you recover from this ordeal, painful beyond reckoning.
 
Thank u Shark🙂
Perhaps I didn't express myself well re: what I was asking for from this forum...(I knew I rambled on waay too long!!!....lol) I thank u for the advice and I agree with u that a break up and all the pain it evokes is not exclusive to any specific reason why it ended, however..I was primarily looking to get feedback on the issue of tickling someone else when in a relationship and whether or not poeple that hold this interest would view that as a form of adultery or equate it with cheating...I hope this clarifies what I was asking for...I'll try to make my postings shorter and more to the point in the future...I just re-read it and I overwhelmed myelf!!...lol...(smile)
~angel
 
Drew 70
Thank u for taking the time to read and reply to my post🙂
I agree w/almost everything u wrote but I have to clarify something...
although I agree that tickling can be enjoyed by engaging in it with others it should be a mutual decision agreed upon by the couple that is in the committed relationship...what my ex bf did is different than what u describe as u and your wife doing (I think that is neat🙂 what he did was deceptive because he snuck around and lied to me about it...dishonesty is dishonesty regardless of what it is u are lying about...but that is just my opinion🙂
~angel🙂
 
Your situation is probably much more complicated than you are able to convey in your post. However, it appears that at some point you misjudged this person, or he made a major mistake and lost someone special.

In either case, despite the way you feel, you are better off now, not worse. If you had gotten married and had children, you would have been in a much worse situation.

Assuming that this wasn't caused by some 'defect' on your part (only serious reflection and honest feedback from friends would reveal this), then you need to apply what you have learned to your next relationship, when judging a potential mate.

However, if you have made serious mistakes, or you have major unresolved issues, you may want to get counseling. At the very least, 6 years of devotion coming to a crashing halt would likely require the support of friends and family, or a strong determination to put this behind you (I have been there).

This isn't about tickling, it's about investing 6 years of your valuable life in something that did not work out (I have seen similar situations that turned out much worse). However, nearly all of them eventually had a happy new beginning.

You probably have PLENTY of time to find new potential partners and evaluate their compatibility with you based on your more mature status (since starting the previous relationship). DO IT!
 
My view:

I don't think the failure of your relationship had anything to do with tickling. I think the issue lay in something else, the guy for what ever reason, grew tired of the relationship, and went shopping for someone new. In it he looked for the things he liked.

Why did he do it? Who knows. Could be totaly personal issues, and have nothing to do with you. Sadly one rarely ever knows.

I hope the trauma passes quickly for you. His loss.

Myriads
 
I was drawn to your story for a few reasons. One of them was that I had a great relationship with an "Angel" once and the other was the content of your sad tale.

There is a strange dynamic in this tickling culture and that is sometimes a 'need' to see other people being tickled, even if our relationships are going wonderfully. I have always been on the side of the relationship and not simply the side of tickling.

I think the real problem in your relationship was that his inner thoughts were never expressed to you. Perhaps if he had shared some of his desires, then in one way or another, you would have been able to satisfy these desires in the name of the relationship. I don't mean to say that you would get him another ticklee to play with. But sometimes, like any sexual relationship, there needs to be something else to excite both parties. If your relationship was truly in tact, then he wouldn't have had the need to search elsewhere. The problem seemed to lie in the fact that there was a degree of noncommunication. This is simply an observation subjectively stated and I am putting no blame on either parties.

There are lots of ways to spice up a tickling/love relationship other than cheating. I have been the victim of it and it is devastating and heart breaking.

I wish you the best and hope that your heart heals and you find another soulmate because there is more than one out there for you.

Max
 
Maxspeer and myriads...thank u for taking the time to read my post and respond..😛
~angel
 
As far as tickling others and cheating are involved,only the people involved in the relationship can accurately judge that.Even though tickling isn't sex,it can be very intimate and only the persons involved can know how deep that goes.
 
Ok Angel...

...you may or may not know me or my personality and reputation and since I cannot pin down who you actually are by your writting style I will not presume I know YOU. However if you have been around the community for as long as you say, there is a fair chance we have chatted once or a few times but at the very least, you should know OF me if nothing else. I am known by many to have a very strong desire to help people who are in "pain" whether it be physical or psychological. It is one of a few purposes that I have on this earth in in this life. I cannot bear(bare)lol, to see people in anguish on any level. What you need, in my opinion, is to literally "talk" to someone, whether it be a close friend or someone you feel close to here in the community that will fully understand what you are going through. I have the ability to relate,understand and feel what a person is going thorugh regardless of who they are and whether or not I actually KNOW that person personally or to have actually and literally gone through the exact situation that they have been or are in the midst of going through. Sort of an impathic talent for lack of a better term.
IF after you read my re😛ost, you wish to talk personally on the phone, please feel free to e-mail me @ [email protected] and I will be more than happy to send you my phone # so wel could talk in more detail and I am sure I could at the very least, aliviate some of the stress and hurt you are feeling and HEY, if I am really ON, I just may be able to resolve and eradicate your sadness and hurt.

I am very serious about my offer and you would not be putting me out in any way shape or form.


It is very difficult to sum up a totally accurate opinion and solution to your quandry in one paragraph but I will do my best to address the issues you raised herein.

Firstly, about the subject of "Adultery".

There has been a fine line between the gray,white and black territories of adultery when it comes to tickling in a serious relationship when it comes to going outside the relationship for more tickling.
Basically it all depends on the "agreement" made between the two involved during or at the start of said relationship.
It would NOT be adultery if it is agreed by, YOU in this case, that it is OK for him to tickle others'.
Which I get the feeling it it was made clear at the start, you may have agreed to allow this provided that the outside tickling did not cross the boundries and become "sexual" in nature.
The fact that he said one thing(he did not and would not tickle anyone but you)and did the total opposite by deceiving you with as I see it, malicious intent, did indeed make it a form of adultery.
The foundation for a successful relationship is not based on mutual love of a certain "hobby" or desire, in this case Tickling, but is based on TRUST. It is on Trust, that you build a loving,lasting, strong relationship.
Without trust, the foundation you are building on is "Quicksand" regardless of how much you have in common and what you have in common.
What I see is that what you though was a hard foundation turned out to be a bad mix of what appeared to be cement and or concrete was actually a mudlike quicksand-ish texture that was doomed to sink over a period of time like a house settling. This house of yours did not settle. It slowly sunk into a pit of dispare (save the "Princess Bride" jokes, lol)
His deception could have been going on for the entire relationship and you were just his "saftey net" since he was obviously NOT honest with you or very good and deceiving you OR he just did not want a serious relationship but only to tickle and when the novelty wore off he felt he had to get more variety in his life while cutting off his nose dispite his face. IT is HIS loss to have had slip through his fingers what others reach out to grasp and hold onto.

As was said earlier in this thread, it is far better you found out NOW what his true colors are than to have found out after you have gotten married.
6 years does not a lifetime make. The words you used in your post...
"...we stayed together for 6 years...", left me with the thought that you just "stayed" together for the love of tickling and for "convenience". Therefore, the relationship had no goal, no path and no foundation on which to build.
You will find what you seek with someone who will appreciate you and who you are for YOU and not just for tickling.
As a couple, when you find this special someone, you can not only have each other but can indeed go out and be with friends who share these desires for tickling and being tickled while still maintaining your one on one, serious relationship and personal tickling that transends just playfull tickling and is sensual and sexual.
As two hearts are ONE in a truly serious relationship, those hearts can share and delight in the tickling of others and having fun.
Trust is the start of it all. You can become a team in the community and still have your alone time with each other when you find the one with whom you are truly meant to be with for all the right reasons.

I hope this has helped you and remember, If you need to talk, I am here for you as I am for all who need me or need someone. It is who I am.

Quick case and point. I met shygirl(Patti) here in the TMF. We both love to tickle and be tickled and have a great time with each other alone and with others whom we consider friends.
We not only tickle each other but we tickle others and have others tickle us. We maintain trust and understanding and have poured a solid foundation on which we will live together for evermore.


Sincerely,

TTD
 
Can adultery be extended to tickling?

Do you remember the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabitt"? In that movie, the Rabit was heart broken to see photos of Jessica (his wife) playing Pat-A-Cake with another man. Was it adulterous? Silly Analogy, but straight to the point.

In relationships, people assign levels of intimacy (not necessarily sexual) to activities and interests they share together. When the very nature of that interest intensifies their personal interaction with one another to the point that it represents a signature of their relationship, it is likely to be assigned a much higher level of intimacy by one or both of them. That level of intimacy is deemed personal and protected.

Can tickling outside of a relationship be viewed as adulterous?
If Adultery can be defined as sexual infidelity because of the assumption that sex is a promissory and exclusive part of the relationship, and tickling is the signature of that sexual relationship, then the answer is, "Yes." er...I think..:idunno:
 
Re: Can adultery be extended to tickling?

Can tickling outside of a relationship be viewed as adulterous?
If Adultery can be defined as sexual infidelity because of the assumption that sex is a promissory and exclusive part of the relationship, and tickling is the signature of that sexual relationship, then the answer is, "Yes." er...I think..:idunno:


[/B][/QUOTE]

As someone who is currently being divorced for adultery, I can tell you that adultery is defined by whether there has been penetrative sex or not...no penetration = no adultery
 
Re: Re: Can adultery be extended to tickling?

justmyfeet said:



As someone who is currently being divorced for adultery, I can tell you that adultery is defined by whether there has been penetrative sex or not...no penetration = no adultery
Click to expand...


Is that statement an excerpt from Bill Clinton's "Sex Without Adultery" manual?

All kidding aside, everyone has their own definition of what is acceptable behavior from their mate, and what they regard as betrayal.

btw, I'm sorry for your situation.
 
Thank u 🙂

TTD

you're right about what u said re: both people in the relationship defining what is acceptable and not...I didn't have that in my past relationship (kinda a bummer that u don't really get to see how u screwed up until it's too late to fix it w/ that person...) Thanks for the offer to talk but I am sure I will be okay, I actually have to work thru most of it by myself🙂
btw, I love the movie The Princess Bride, quote it all u want😀


ShadowTklr

Thank u too🙂
As a matter of fact I think the Roger Rabbit analogy was perfect!!! To anyone other than Roger his pain was silly...but it was valid in that it meant something to him...thank u!😀
 
Re: Re: Re: Can adultery be extended to tickling?

ShadowTklr said:



Is that statement an excerpt from Bill Clinton's "Sex Without Adultery" manual?
Click to expand...

LOL...no, it's a quote from the solicitor dealing with my divorce...and don't be sorry for my situation...best thing all round really 🙂
 
Would you like to meet a handsome guy who would love to suck on your toes and tickle your feet...as well as discuss your situation? Handsome blue-eyed, 6'0" guy awaiting your response in NJ.
 
i know how you feel sad angel.

i have been married to my wife for over 22 years. she has cheated on me 3 times that i can prove(and she's admited to), and i suspect there has been others. why do i stay? because i have 4 kids.
so i understand your pain, in regards to the fidelity betrale. she also used "our" tickle tools on one of the guys. so into the garbage they went!
as was said, you can't base a long term relationship on one aspect. tickling is the spice of my life, but not the only thing i'd look for.
it would be a deal breaker for me if the woman didn't want extensive tickling in a relationship, but i also value other personality traites that are needed for when we are not tickling.
i have to get nasty here; this guy used you! he's pond scum in my book. but you have to look in the miror and ask why you let him use you for 6 years, and never got married?! if a man doesn't ask ou to get married in less that 6 years, then he's... just not right! i knew i wanted to marry my wife in less than 2 months. everyone i know says the same thing. if it doesn't click in under 2 years, then move on! don't let any man use you for tickling, or anything else. make him commit. by virtue of his actions he's proven he isn't worth you, but you should have given him the boot 4 years ago! a great line i heard "the honeymoon is over, it's time to get married".
good luck m'lady, there are many men right here on the tmf, who'd worship you, and be a good partner through life. give big jim a try, he's avaliable, and wants a wife, and to move to america!
steve
 
areenactor/steve 🙂

Thank u for the reply...🙂 Everyone has responded to my post w/ really helpful feedback and I appreciate it very much...thank u🙂
I do however need to say though that it was never my intention to make my ex look like the "bad guy" in my relationship...no one person is ever all to blame for a break up and if, after a period of time he did use me,I allowed him to...(I'm a true believer in personal responsibility🙂 There was a period of time that I knew I wasn't being treated the way I wanted to be and I knew I deserved more from a relationship but I didn't want to have it with anyone else...so perhaps him ending things was a blessing for me in disguise...anyway, having made this post has helped me more than I hoped it would...b/c I get to see myself in the words of other peoples' experiences and feedback and it helps to encourage the kind of insight (and hindsight) I need right now to make positive changes in my life...so thanks again to everyone, I appreciate it.
~angel
 
Hello SadAngelTicklee,

First, let me extend my heartfelt empathies. I think even within this community, there are few who can fully understand the experience of crossing paths with another person whose heart, spirit and mind alone you find worth holding on to. Add to that a lifelong love affair with tickling, and in a manner complimentary to your own, you have something/someone beyond comprehension. Unfortunately, I don't have any answers or pearls of wisdom. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and judging by the little I've seen of you, I have every confidence you and your heart (God knows, that heart seems like it's own entity sometimes! lol) will make it through this.

Tero-wishing you all the joy and happiness we all deserve-
 
Thank u terorizer🙂

Thank u Terorizer...your kind words helped...especially today...some days are harder than others...but u are right about the heart...it is an entity all its own and it is resilient...for that I am most grateful...thank u again🙂
~angel:redheart: :smilestar :bouncybou
 
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