Sexy/cheeky/dirty limericks

[Garamonde]

I couldn't resist posting this because I thought it was funny. One of my more recent limericks I came up with regarding what I find to be sexy is the following: "My dear lady I assure you the stalking will stop... as soon as I see your stocking top!" And then there is the classic and MUCH more dirty "It is a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.".

 

[TMF Jeff]

This one is a classic, at least in Mass. where Nantucket is, with a lot of variations. This is the first version I heard.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a **** I would fuck it."

 

[Ayla ny]

I remember the Nantucket one!

Can't believe I am going to admit this... but here's another one that stuck in my brain.

I once knew a guy named Dave
He kept a dead ***** in his cave
Gotta admit
It stunk quite a bit
But think of the money he saved!

Why do I only remember the gross/offensive jokes?!

 

[Artoo]

I rather enjoy this one...

A right twisted wench from Caprees-ed
Orgasmed each time that she sneez-ed
To the druggist she went
And laid down her last cent
Said, "A barrel of snuff, if you pleas-ed.

 

[Artoo]

MOAR!

There once was a man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he'd bang 'em together
They'd play stormy weather
And lightning would shoot out of his ass

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

Well this is a lovely thread!

 

[Perduabo]

A woman named Coulter yelled Slander!
To the sheep, she loves to pander
While her anger is misplaced
It take but one look of her face
To understand why she's never been hammered

 

[LD_Tickler]

A woman named Coulter yelled Slander!
To the sheep, she loves to pander
While her anger is misplaced
It take but one look of her face
To understand why she's never been hammered

Sloppy meter. 😛

 

[Frowg]

ok, ok, here

There once was a man from Kent
Whose penis was horribly bent
to save him the trouble
he'd fold it in double
and instead of coming, he went

There once was a man from St. Claire
who was banging his wife on the stair
on the 68th stroke
the banister broke
so they did 69 in the air

 

[badreligion]

This one is a classic, at least in Mass. where Nantucket is, with a lot of variations. This is the first version I heard.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a **** I would fuck it."

LOL I love you and hate you at the same time

I love you cuz it was funny as hell and I never heard that before .

I hate you because you made me laugh so hard I spit my gum out and it was my last piece

 

[Rorschach Blues]

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who crossed the sea in a bucket.
When he got there they asked for a fare,
So he dropped his pants and said:
"Suck it"

Then there was a girl from Nantucket,
Who crossed the sea in a bucket.
And when she got there they asked for a fare,
She lifted her dress and said:
"Fuck it"

There once was a dog from Nantucket... but I won't go any further.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

There once was a man from Beijing
Who invented a jack off machine
He put his prick in it
Done a thousand beats a minute
And turned his poor balls to cream

 

[Saeria]

Here's a few i remembered from my parents.. i think

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie.
Stuck in his thumb
Pulled out a plumb
And said 'Holy shit am I High!'

There was a young man from Rangoon,
Who's farts could be heard on the moon,
When you least would expect them,
They'd roar from his rectum,
With a sound like a double bassoon

There once was a man named corkscrew Rick
Blest at birth with a corkscrew prick
Spent his life in a fruitless hunt
For a woman with a corkscrew ****
At last he found her, poor Rick fell dead
For the corkscrew **** had a left hand thread

Not a limerick, but man did i get in trouble in kindegarten for this one.. my parents had an unusual sense of humor i guess:

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
so i turned on the water and flushed the bastard out

 

[Musicroxmysox]

This thread made my day seem just a little better. 🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

There once was a lady from Wheeling,
Who professed to lack sexual feeling,
Until a cynic named Boris
Simply touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.

😀

Snail Shell

 

[Rorschach Blues]

I think Snail Shell just won

 

[venray]

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini




There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil