Not totally dissimilar to c7_assassin's thread about telling his girlfriend, this is another about being a (virtual) 'closet' tickler until very recently. The main difference from assassin's is that, in my case, it wasn't a conscious choice to inform those who now know.
That sounds quite worrying, doesn't it? I mean, not only does it sound like I wasn't ready to divulge, but from other perspectives, somebody who has a sneaky fetish and you only discover by stumbling across search history suggests the person thought they had something to hide because it was wrong.
Well, kind of, but it's not ended quite as cruelly as that, thankfully. Here's the story:
I must first explain that before this happened, I did have one person in my life who knew about my fetish: Ryan, my best mate at university. I told him one night as we talked quite deeply, and knowing that he was a horrible human being who by the age of 19 had had a pretty active sex life, I made a pretty reasonable assumption that it wouldn't faze him. When I told him I had a 'secret' and then proceeded to confess a fetish, his face oozed disappointment. 'I thought you were responsible for 9/11 or something' he said, 'everyone's got a bloody fetish'. It certainly helped me to understand that it's the least weird thing in the world, but at the same time, he did say 'do be careful about who you tell - at our age some people are still very sexually inexperienced'. Incidentally, at least two of the people he was alluding to in that advice were two of the girls in the story! Having got it off my chest, I was relieved, but still not ready to confess to anyone else...
So, at university, three of my female friends are in my room just chilling. Me and Ryan head to Asda, but as the girls are settled, I have no qualms with letting them stay and just chill (watching TV and browsing on my laptop) 'til I get back. Should they secretly be a trio of trained con artists who knew each other all along and were ready to pounce, so be it. The only thing in the room remotely worth stealing was my laptop, and even that's more riddled than a 67 year old *****. When I got back, nothing was untoward. They stayed for a while longer and then left. But much to my dismay, when I went on youtube to watch something (not tickling related) I noticed that I hadn't cleared my history and that there were still tickling searches there, quite a lot too. A little bit shaken, I convinced myself that I was being paranoid, 'they won't have found them, I told myself'. And then my heart stopped. I realised that amongst the youtube searches were a couple of new ones...yep, the girls had been on youtube too. And given the site wasn't in my favourites, I assumed the only way they'd navigated their way to the website was by typing it...and when you type it, previous searches come up. And you probably notice.
Absolutely excreting myself, I still conjured up possibilities in my mind that they hadn't noticed. My denial continued by then convincing myself that I could cover it up ('oh, I meant to type 'Tinie Tempah'...you know how bad I am at typing!') and then came the worst stage of all: acceptance. I accepted that they knew. And now I had to decide how to address it.
After a few days of what can only be described as 'quite blatantly avoiding the issue', I finally addressed matters following a night out. One of the three girls, Marie, was having a bit of a heart-to-heart with me after she'd gotten a bit emotional about other things, so then I probed. 'Did you three girls do anything on my laptop when I left on Tuesday?' I asked. She considered lying, I think, but realising I probably knew, replied, in typical loud-and-in-the-ear nightclub fashion, 'DO YOU MEAN THE TICKLING THING?'
My heart sank. Forgive me for a rather tasteless analogy, but it was like having a terminally ill relative who then finally passes away. You know it's coming, but that doesn't detract from the pain of confirmation. I probed further, and she was insistent that it was an innocent mistake and they hadn't gone snooping. I'd already figured out that much, but appreciated her words nonetheless. We didn't talk much more about it on the night.
The next day, the other two girls were sat in my room. As awkwardly as could be, one of them feigned to tickle me as we played around. The two girls looked at each other with a sly knowing. What they didn't know was that I knew what they were doing. Then, after more awkward glances, smirks and silences, they finally realised. They were pretty sure I knew, I was pretty sure they were winding me up about it, so without ever saying the word, we came to a mutual agreement that we knew what the other was talking about (Transcript: 'I think I know... 'yeah I do'...'we didn't...'I know'...'we don't th...'I know'...'so when'...'when I was about 14'.) It escalated from there, not only in that room but in the following days.
And good news: they were fine about it, or at least acted very well. Two of the girls essentially said they'd heard of far worse and they found it cute how innocent it was. 'Just don't do it to me', Marie joked, and even though I haven't since, it won't be long 'til she gets it as punishment. Dee, the final girl, who Ryan must have been thinking of when describing 'sexual naivety', was the most surprisingly accepting. 'It's just foreplay', she insisted, before even having a play with me to try and demonstrate her level of acceptance. Weeks later and I'd be surprised if it ever crossed their mind apart from if we were in the same room when somebody said the word or did the act. Even then, only a few jovial 'oooh, you turned on there you little weirdo?' glances would be provided.
So, all in all, a positive story. Ok, I didn't intend to out myself, but in the end it worked out as well as it could have. If I could go back to before that night, would I delete my history and have them not know? I dunno, maybe, but only because now it is a tad harder to tickle them when they know that I'm sexually aroused by it, as they're all just friends. Sorry to have dragged a very basic story out into about eighty paragraphs.
Hope you enjoyed.
John.
That sounds quite worrying, doesn't it? I mean, not only does it sound like I wasn't ready to divulge, but from other perspectives, somebody who has a sneaky fetish and you only discover by stumbling across search history suggests the person thought they had something to hide because it was wrong.
Well, kind of, but it's not ended quite as cruelly as that, thankfully. Here's the story:
I must first explain that before this happened, I did have one person in my life who knew about my fetish: Ryan, my best mate at university. I told him one night as we talked quite deeply, and knowing that he was a horrible human being who by the age of 19 had had a pretty active sex life, I made a pretty reasonable assumption that it wouldn't faze him. When I told him I had a 'secret' and then proceeded to confess a fetish, his face oozed disappointment. 'I thought you were responsible for 9/11 or something' he said, 'everyone's got a bloody fetish'. It certainly helped me to understand that it's the least weird thing in the world, but at the same time, he did say 'do be careful about who you tell - at our age some people are still very sexually inexperienced'. Incidentally, at least two of the people he was alluding to in that advice were two of the girls in the story! Having got it off my chest, I was relieved, but still not ready to confess to anyone else...
So, at university, three of my female friends are in my room just chilling. Me and Ryan head to Asda, but as the girls are settled, I have no qualms with letting them stay and just chill (watching TV and browsing on my laptop) 'til I get back. Should they secretly be a trio of trained con artists who knew each other all along and were ready to pounce, so be it. The only thing in the room remotely worth stealing was my laptop, and even that's more riddled than a 67 year old *****. When I got back, nothing was untoward. They stayed for a while longer and then left. But much to my dismay, when I went on youtube to watch something (not tickling related) I noticed that I hadn't cleared my history and that there were still tickling searches there, quite a lot too. A little bit shaken, I convinced myself that I was being paranoid, 'they won't have found them, I told myself'. And then my heart stopped. I realised that amongst the youtube searches were a couple of new ones...yep, the girls had been on youtube too. And given the site wasn't in my favourites, I assumed the only way they'd navigated their way to the website was by typing it...and when you type it, previous searches come up. And you probably notice.
Absolutely excreting myself, I still conjured up possibilities in my mind that they hadn't noticed. My denial continued by then convincing myself that I could cover it up ('oh, I meant to type 'Tinie Tempah'...you know how bad I am at typing!') and then came the worst stage of all: acceptance. I accepted that they knew. And now I had to decide how to address it.
After a few days of what can only be described as 'quite blatantly avoiding the issue', I finally addressed matters following a night out. One of the three girls, Marie, was having a bit of a heart-to-heart with me after she'd gotten a bit emotional about other things, so then I probed. 'Did you three girls do anything on my laptop when I left on Tuesday?' I asked. She considered lying, I think, but realising I probably knew, replied, in typical loud-and-in-the-ear nightclub fashion, 'DO YOU MEAN THE TICKLING THING?'
My heart sank. Forgive me for a rather tasteless analogy, but it was like having a terminally ill relative who then finally passes away. You know it's coming, but that doesn't detract from the pain of confirmation. I probed further, and she was insistent that it was an innocent mistake and they hadn't gone snooping. I'd already figured out that much, but appreciated her words nonetheless. We didn't talk much more about it on the night.
The next day, the other two girls were sat in my room. As awkwardly as could be, one of them feigned to tickle me as we played around. The two girls looked at each other with a sly knowing. What they didn't know was that I knew what they were doing. Then, after more awkward glances, smirks and silences, they finally realised. They were pretty sure I knew, I was pretty sure they were winding me up about it, so without ever saying the word, we came to a mutual agreement that we knew what the other was talking about (Transcript: 'I think I know... 'yeah I do'...'we didn't...'I know'...'we don't th...'I know'...'so when'...'when I was about 14'.) It escalated from there, not only in that room but in the following days.
And good news: they were fine about it, or at least acted very well. Two of the girls essentially said they'd heard of far worse and they found it cute how innocent it was. 'Just don't do it to me', Marie joked, and even though I haven't since, it won't be long 'til she gets it as punishment. Dee, the final girl, who Ryan must have been thinking of when describing 'sexual naivety', was the most surprisingly accepting. 'It's just foreplay', she insisted, before even having a play with me to try and demonstrate her level of acceptance. Weeks later and I'd be surprised if it ever crossed their mind apart from if we were in the same room when somebody said the word or did the act. Even then, only a few jovial 'oooh, you turned on there you little weirdo?' glances would be provided.
So, all in all, a positive story. Ok, I didn't intend to out myself, but in the end it worked out as well as it could have. If I could go back to before that night, would I delete my history and have them not know? I dunno, maybe, but only because now it is a tad harder to tickle them when they know that I'm sexually aroused by it, as they're all just friends. Sorry to have dragged a very basic story out into about eighty paragraphs.
Hope you enjoyed.
John.
