so i work with this girl....

[moose]

so I work at this place and there's this girl who for some reason just doesn't want to talk to me. She talks to everyone else and I mean literally everyone but me. I've tried several times to try and talk to her but she just gives me one word answers and runs away and she never makes eye contact.

well one day we all had a get together and it was just usual B.S party style stuff. well the girl bought her boyfriend and I thought nothing of it. we shook hands talked a little bit that was the end of it. as the night went on we were all getting pretty drunk and having fun and she came up to me and started to really talk to me. I was kinda in shock and I was turning into the quite one who didn't say much. as the night was coming to an end and everyone was leaving. I was shaking everyone hand and saying goodbye and her BF shook my hand and said "hey I know you're trying to steal my girlfriend away and I hate to have to kick your ass" but he said it kinda jokingly. so I just kinda laughed and said ok whatever.

well a couple months go on at work and its still the same barley says two words to me, won't make eye contact, whatever. so way before that incident I already given up trying to be her friend. so I thought I'd try one more time to try and talk to her so I go up to her and I say "you know we've known each other for a year and barley say two words to each other so I have just one question for you...." and she doesn't look at me but says "whats that?" and I smile and say "are you ticklish?" she literally looks up at me with a big smile, starts to blush and the only thing she says is "the reason we don't talk is because I just want to keep it that way!"

so now I'm under the impression that she is either a lee or she is super crazy in love with me but whatever the case I don't know if I should be a man and just try to steal her away or just ignore it

 

[knicks255]

It doesn't make you any bigger of a "man" to try and get her to cheat on her boyfriend. Keep in mind that tickling exists outside of the fetish, so she could have been making what she meant as an innocent, goofy comment, while you saw it as flirting.

And her comment about the reason you two don't talk is because "she wants to keep it that way" is really vague, could mean a lot.

So, I guess what I'm saying is don't come on too strong, you aren't 100% sure of her intentions.

 

[moose]

true but its just kinda the vibe I'm getting from her she doesn't talk to me at all but when she was drunk she was talking to me like I was her best friend so maybe i'll just keep going with the flow

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

You may or may not hear lots of advice or instruction, but it seems to me like you're the kind of person who uses his own judgement, and that's a good thing.

This has happened to me, before. When I was learning telecommunications in the Army there was a pretty, outgoing girl who talked and laughed with all the guys, but consistently gave me the cold shoulder. I was barely out of my teens and hence, a little more sensitive about such things than I am today.

I'd wave hello, smile cordially, and she'd just give me a dirty look. To this day I have no idea what it was she had against me. Ultimately, I gave up and wrote her off. I ignored her completely and consistently acted like she wasn't in the room. This went on for a week or two, and and then I began noticing her looking to make eye contact with me, but one thing I know how to do is ignore people. As far as I was concerned, she burned any chance for a bridge.

It was a valuable lesson I learned and I'm glad I handled that the way I did instead of continuing to agonize over her.

 

[chicago]

Personally, I dunno how great I'd feel over someone needing to have a few drinks before they can talk to me...

And while it might sound like it could be a good thing, be aware of the possible drama that could come along with it.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Moose: I personally think she sounds like trouble. Allow me to offer two bits of advice.

1. If a woman is not consistently making an active effort to be friendly to you, get her off your radar screen. Don't do anything based on a scenario of what you imagine the relationship could turn into at some point in the future. The relationship is what it is now, as defined by the way she behaves toward you now. Don't look for any other reality to exist.

2. If this job is of any consequence to you at all, then do not, under any circumstances whatsoever, and with no exceptions whatsoever, allude to your tickling fetish in any way whatsoever with anybody who works there, or with anybody who is even remotely connected with any business that your employer transacts. Keep a firewall between tickling and your employment, and don't even have dreams of making exceptions to it.

Did I mention that I think she sounds like trouble?

 

[PiedPiper]

It also sounds as if she may feel that you are trouble, as well,.... but is trying to be nice about it. Nothing there.

 

[Jagermeistered]

I think DAJT posted the best advise, WIP(even though he calls it advice) and Chicago offered the best analysis, and PiedPiper is being blunt.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Do you recall what her BF said to you? The girl has been talking about you with her BF. If you want to be a alpha dog, then go for it... If not, then move on, moose.

 

[shiftdown]

Jag said it best all the way around, the BF obviously knows about you...and feels threatened. So proceed with caution moose

 

[C.A.B.]

I'm guessing you are not the first paranoia the boyfriend has had, Moose. You might re-think wanting to be in his shoes. If she can do that to him, she can do it to you. Sometimes wanting is better than having.

 

[chicago]

If you want to be the alpha dog go for it? lol

That's what I don't understand about guys. Is it a competition / dick measuring contest or do you have feelings for the girl?

Is she an "prize" or a person...

 

[C.A.B.]

If you want to be the alpha dog go for it? lol

That's what I don't understand about guys. Is it a competition / dick measuring contest or do you have feelings for the girl?

Is she an "prize" or a person...

I think the key word in Jag's Freudian slip was "Dog." as opposed to "Male."

 

[moose]

All great points I just don't understand why she doesn't talk to me I've never said more than two words to her

 

[C.A.B.]

All great points I just don't understand why she doesn't talk to me I've never said more than two words to her

Consider yourself fortunate and go find a nice, friendly girl. They are the only ones worth your time.

 

[Bohemianne]

"the reason we don't talk is because I just want to keep it that way!"

^ IMO, she just established the barrier.

But if you want milestone, relying on hints and clues is like chasing the eye of the storm.

I just don't know how you can deal with this turbulence.

 

[duderino84]

so I work at this place and there's this girl who for some reason just doesn't want to talk to me. She talks to everyone else and I mean literally everyone but me. I've tried several times to try and talk to her but she just gives me one word answers and runs away and she never makes eye contact.

well one day we all had a get together and it was just usual B.S party style stuff. well the girl bought her boyfriend and I thought nothing of it. we shook hands talked a little bit that was the end of it. as the night went on we were all getting pretty drunk and having fun and she came up to me and started to really talk to me. I was kinda in shock and I was turning into the quite one who didn't say much. as the night was coming to an end and everyone was leaving. I was shaking everyone hand and saying goodbye and her BF shook my hand and said "hey I know you're trying to steal my girlfriend away and I hate to have to kick your ass" but he said it kinda jokingly. so I just kinda laughed and said ok whatever.

well a couple months go on at work and its still the same barley says two words to me, won't make eye contact, whatever. so way before that incident I already given up trying to be her friend. so I thought I'd try one more time to try and talk to her so I go up to her and I say "you know we've known each other for a year and barley say two words to each other so I have just one question for you...." and she doesn't look at me but says "whats that?" and I smile and say "are you ticklish?" she literally looks up at me with a big smile, starts to blush and the only thing she says is "the reason we don't talk is because I just want to keep it that way!"

so now I'm under the impression that she is either a lee or she is super crazy in love with me but whatever the case I don't know if I should be a man and just try to steal her away or just ignore it

There's "guilty pleasures" and there's "caring". You're at best a guilty pleasure. But she won't care.

 

[WorkInProgress]

I know what it's like to imagine a relationship with a woman, if only she would be this way instead of that way. And what was I really doing? Falling in love with a fictional character!

 

[duderino84]

You may or may not hear lots of advice or instruction, but it seems to me like you're the kind of person who uses his own judgement, and that's a good thing.

This has happened to me, before. When I was learning telecommunications in the Army there was a pretty, outgoing girl who talked and laughed with all the guys, but consistently gave me the cold shoulder. I was barely out of my teens and hence, a little more sensitive about such things than I am today.

I'd wave hello, smile cordially, and she'd just give me a dirty look. To this day I have no idea what it was she had against me. Ultimately, I gave up and wrote her off. I ignored her completely and consistently acted like she wasn't in the room. This went on for a week or two, and and then I began noticing her looking to make eye contact with me, but one thing I know how to do is ignore people. As far as I was concerned, she burned any chance for a bridge.

It was a valuable lesson I learned and I'm glad I handled that the way I did instead of continuing to agonize over her.

This guy knows what he's talking about. Give a girl one chance, two at most; that gives the clearest picture.

^ IMO, she just established the barrier.

But if you want milestone, relying on hints and clues is like chasing the eye of the storm.

I just don't know how you can deal with this turbulence.

Barrier? More like a brick wall. This goes back to that "two chances at most" deal; here's a couple dude tips.

One, if she cares at all, she would make it known. She would be friendly. She wouldn't need alcohol to talk. And her boyfriend wouldn't know you from average Joe. Average "I see you're hitting on my girl" is actually a quite serious "back the **** up" signal from another guy.

Two, Now, some girls are just absent minded. I have a kind of motto I keep: "it's hard to love someone else when everybody loves you". In other words, some girls are too popular to care what you think. Or, they'll never get around to making time for you. Either way, this is not the girl for you. There are many more girls that have rationality, personality, and beauty to look at. Trust me on it.

 

[moose]

Although I do think she is very pretty i'm still confused that she doesn't talk to me and I don't talk to her and how she tells her boyfriend about me. I guess that's proof that women are crazy

 

[Bohemianne]

It’s miscommunication...

 

[C.A.B.]

It’s miscommunication...

It's missed-communication. (and I don't mean 'missed' as in longing for, but rather like a shot in the dark... with a shaky hand... )


Move on, bro. More than half the population of the planet is female.

 

[FeatherEndeavor]

All great points I just don't understand why she doesn't talk to me I've never said more than two words to her

I've been in your situation before where regardless of how nice I was to someone they just wouldn't be friendly with me. I've also had the opposite where there was someone everyone was friendly to and I was the only person they would talk to. Even had a friend that was mean to this one guy because he looked like someone who had attacked and raped her years earlier. Strange thing was she was only mean to him despite the fact that there were several other men we worked with that had that same physical appearance.

Bottom line people are weird, unpredictable and illogical. What we do doesn't always make sense but regardless of whether you 2 ever become friends or not the important thing is that you've made several honest attempts to be friendly with this woman so you've done nothing wrong. And it sounds to me like she's got some issues that you don't know about and probably don't want to deal with. Don't worry about her. You deserve friends that reciprocate your kindness.

 

[nenezinho]

This is really interesting 🙂

I would say, and I am no expert, that the girl actually has some lust for you on some way. Now if you should move on that is another story. But why do I think like this?

a) Avoidance can mean either that someone absolutely doesnt like you.....or......it can mean the absolute oposite, that they actually would like to get in touch with you but get too carried away with the thought and cant react to your presence as they dont know how to deal with what they feel.

b) The fact that at the party she actually decides to engage you after drinking.....makes me think she doesnt hate you and its actually the other way around.....she is actually shy because she does feel something and doesnt know what to do. Once alchool removes much of her restraints, she will move and do what she really wants to do....which is engage you.

On top of this, we have the boyfriend being scared which does indicate that either she did talk about you to him previously.....or he did see her displaying some kind of attention with you that he recognized as something else. Obviously the guy can be just paranoid....but the whole thing seems to add quite consistently.

Now the milion dollar question is:
What do you want to do??? And is it worth it???
Because moving on this girl will likely get you in some trouble. You dont know her that well to understand if she is really in love with the other guy, if she has issues with him, if she is trully in love with you but lacks the experience to know what it is.....its pretty much a blind guess over there.
Also you dont know at all how she can react. She is obviously conflicted, at least for a bit. She can snap either way. She can both fall for you or just freak out because she wants to be with her boyfriend and doesnt like the kind of "play with fire" you may be to her.

So....no real answer!
Just some more food for thought.

Remember that no action is without consequence.
If you move, you should be prepared to risk all and loose all. Just be sure she is worth it if you do decide to move.

 

[duderino84]

Although I do think she is very pretty i'm still confused that she doesn't talk to me and I don't talk to her and how she tells her boyfriend about me. I guess that's proof that women are crazy

Girls/women scare easily. Change is a thing for them that brings fear because their emotional range is more affected by things going on.

You're kind of a threat. You're either "the horny guy at work that always seems to want to talk to me" or "the other guy I like, but don't know if it's fair to the boyfriend or if it would work out or if he really likes me, but I also know the boyfriend might be offended by both of us, so by not making any decisions, maybe it'll just go away".

The risks in transplanting from one relationship to another are likely bigger than coming from being completely single.

Sorry man.