So why are you NOT going to NEST

[DJ Tickler]

With NEST so close for those attending I thought I would ask a question for those NOT going…Why?

I couldn’t imagine going to NEST, not because of the distance (even though it is a bit of travel), and not because I am a shy person (trust me on this LOL). It’s because of the awkwardness of “being new” as it were.

From what I read and people have told me everyone is so supportive and will include you…but I don’t do that. I am so use to being the one in charge and encouraging others to join in that if someone does it to me I feel so out of my comfort zone.

I also worry that they would just include me for the sake of including me because I am on my own, and there is nothing worse then pity.

I’m not saying anyone here would do that, but in past experience (not related to tickling) that is how I have felt.

I was wondering is/does anyone else feel like this? Is there another reason you aren’t going to NEST?

Thought it might make in interesting topic 😉

DJ Tickler

 

[Lord Doctor]

Money, lack of!
Time, lack of!
🙁

 

[LD_Tickler]

I don't have especially abundant time, or especially abundant money.

There's only a handful of people that I've developed relationships with on this site and would want to meet. Meeting tons of strangers with whom I have nothing in common except a fetish doesn't seem worth the hassle - nor does just "a bit fun party," as NEST is always described. I can have big fun parties here, with my friends. 😀

 

[subtle_feather]

I wish I could go! I am just too far away here in Japan--but watch out for me next year 🙂

 

[FeatherFeet]

Honestly, because the idea of "the second family that I don't wanna go home and leave" really just creeps me out some.

I know why people would feel that way. But honestly, as I tell anyone invovled with any fetish--would you really be friends with those people if it DIDN'T invovle your fetish? In a few cases the truth is, yes, I really like the person for the person. But in so many cases, the fetish is what it's about. And in the same regard that a man or woman would put up with their crappy boyfriend/girlfriend just cuz the sex was good, the idea that people are on the same page fetish wise, can cloud how things are in the rest of the friendship/relationship.

I always ask, in those cases, how come THEY are the "second family" why not your martial arts group? or your art group, or your writing group? How come just the fetish group is the one you wanna stay with, and not go home for?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there can't be great friendships made when the meeting point was something l ike this. I'm just saying it's much rarer than people admit to, and when the base of a relationship is a fetish, it's always a hard and bumpy road. Where do you not cross this path, or thatpath? At what point are you friends with benefits? ect ect.

One martial arts maxim I live by is "rid yourself of desire"--people interpret this wrong tho. It doesn't mean, not to want a car or a good job--everyone wants things to some extent. It means stop projecting what you desire to be so, on what is so. In the chinese and japanese it translates alot more to the point. But, in something as complicated as a fetish, it is VERY easy to not know who is your friend for you, and who is there for the fetish, and even worse, it's very easy to become confused on who you really like for the sake of liking, and not just who you like because they will let you do things to them, or will do things to you.

 

[rhiannon]

My reason not to go to gatherings like that, not only NEST, is that tickling is very intimate and sexual to me. That means I only want to share it with one person, not with a whole group of people.

 

[SamuelKhan]

It's been a desire to go to a gathering, and to finally encounter your TMF friends since I joined in 2007. My current situation does not allow...if only there were more ticklefiends and ticklevictims close to me.

There should be an official gathering that rotates locations. I could visit via web cam chat...if I could resolve my issues here!

 

[SamuelKhan]

My reason not to go to gatherings like that, not only NEST, is that tickling is very intimate and sexual to me. That means I only want to share it with one person, not with a whole group of people.

I also favor the gathering that matters...one on one. 😉

 

[Lord Doctor]

Going next year...
I said that last year.... 🙁

 

[BellaRisa]

What?

Honestly, because I've heard some accounts of nest that are very similar to addictive personalities. The idea of "the second family that I don't wanna go home and leave" really just creeps me out some.

I know why people would feel that way. But honestly, as I tell anyone invovled with any fetish--would you really be friends with those people if it DIDN'T invovle your fetish? In a few cases the truth is, yes, I really like the person for the person. But in so many cases, the fetish is what it's about. And in the same regard that a man or woman would put up with their crappy boyfriend/girlfriend just cuz the sex was good, the idea that people are on the same page fetish wise, can cloud how things are in the rest of the friendship/relationship.

I always ask, in those cases, how come THEY are the "second family" why not your martial arts group? or your art group, or your writing group? How come just the fetish group is the one you wanna stay with, and not go home for?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there can't be great friendships made when the meeting point was something l ike this. I'm just saying it's much rarer than people admit to, and when the base of a relationship is a fetish, it's always a hard and bumpy road. Where do you not cross this path, or thatpath? At what point are you friends with benefits? ect ect.

One martial arts maxim I live by is "rid yourself of desire"--people interpret this wrong tho. It doesn't mean, not to want a car or a good job--everyone wants things to some extent. It means stop projecting what you desire to be so, on what is so. In the chinese and japanese it translates alot more to the point. But, in something as complicated as a fetish, it is VERY easy to not know who is your friend for you, and who is there for the fetish, and even worse, it's very easy to become confused on who you really like for the sake of liking, and not just who you like because they will let you do things to them, or will do things to you.

As a 10 yr veteran of NEST and many other tickling/spanking/BDSM gatherings, I call shenanigans on this. I have yet to hear anyone say that they only hang with their NEST friends because of the kink, and I find it fascinating that apparently many people have shared such a notion with you. Really? And when you say "it's much rarer than people admit to" may I ask what you're basing that on? I'd like to know. Meanwhile, I've never understood the elitist attitude that befriending people through a kink is somehow less noble than, say, a martial art or a language class. So we met because we love tickling, while others enjoyed kicking each other in the head or reading Me Llamo Clyde together. The point is that a friendship, a bond, blossomed from one starting point. Many of us have been friends, good friends, since 1999 or before. Most of us will be friends for many decades to come, sharing our lives way beyond NEST. To cheapen that because we met over something fun and occasionally sexual would be a shame and it annoys me when people allude to such.

/rant

 

[FeatherFeet]

As a 10 yr veteran of NEST and many other tickling/spanking/BDSM gatherings, I call shenanigans on this. I have yet to hear anyone say that they only hang with their NEST friends because of the kink, and I find it fascinating that apparently many people have shared such a notion with you. Really? And when you say "it's much rarer than people admit to" may I ask what you're basing that on? I'd like to know. Meanwhile, I've never understood the elitist attitude that befriending people through a kink is somehow less noble than, say, a martial art or a language class. So we met because we love tickling, while others enjoyed kicking each other in the head or reading Me Llamo Clyde together. The point is that a friendship, a bond, blossomed from one starting point. Many of us have been friends, good friends, since 1999 or before. Most of us will be friends for many decades to come, sharing our lives way beyond NEST. To cheapen that because we met over something fun and occasionally sexual would be a shame and it annoys me when people allude to such.

/rant

Of course people would not SAY that. In fact, many people would not even believe it. The only way to know for sure is to imagine the kink aspect of the relationship removed--would these people still be as important to you with it gone, or would you suddenly notice things about them that you didn't before which might detur you, but you made allowances before because of the kink?

If the answer is, kink aside, they are still very important to you, then kudos. You found a good friend in that case. The point I am trying to make is that many people trick themselves into thinking they really love this person for this person, when in reality the feelings of intimacy/love/tightness they get from them really all go back to the fact they are sharing their kink with them. In which case, since you are sharing something that is obviously personal and intimate to you, you will obviously have projected feelings of intimacy and closeness with the people you share it with. (that, or you are just looking for cheap sexual thrills and don't care either way)

I'm basing it on quite a few dozen friends/friends of/ and basically counselor to people who were invovled in many different fetishes of many times. tickling/furries/BDSM/or even just gay/lesbian and even heterosexual regulars. And I don't recall that I condemned anyone for doing anything. I am not a priest, a monk, God, the law or the universe, so I can't make any claims as to whether or not meeting best friends over something that is "occasionally sexual" is right or wrong. I can say, however, from experience, friendship started through something sexual is usually tricky ground, and more times than not people don't know where to draw the lines, or where the lines even SHOULD be drawn. As a result, for many people as time goes on, they start questioning themselves, and it, and it becomes harmful to all parties invovled. (in many situations ive seen at least) of course, the exception would be those who immerse their entire lives in the fetish world, or make it a serious part of their middle aged/ adult life when looking for something new.

But like the beer drinking and heavy partying when peopel are young is a pahse in which they feel closer to ALL thoe people than anyone else for so long, but they eventually grow out of it--the kink thing can be prepared to that in alot of ways. No one ever said adults were smarter than teenagers when it comes to deluding themselves. In fact, because they are adults its more dangerous because they think they know the difference--when the fact is, concerning ourselves, none of us really ever do.

Again, I never said befriending people through a kink is not noble, or ever wrong. Plenty of people do meet in martial arts, or language class, and get together, and delude themselves there into thinking that someone means more to them than they actually do. Because of this, or that, or whatever. But with kinks, its FAR more likly you will turn a blind eye to thinks just because you are getting satisfied. When it comes down to it, it's no different than the 23 year old man hating the crap out of his girlfriends family, friends, and everything she does, but fooling himself into thinking it's all good because she's great at giving head. I'ts just slightly more masked than that--and the feelings of intimacy and belonging are far more potent and passionate because in many cases of kinks, people have hidden their desires for their whole lives and now feel they have found "their world"

Call me names if you want, but I'm not telling you, or anyone here what to do, or how to do it, or if anything is right or wrong. I'm just talking cause and effect. And I'm saying that for myself, I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I might not know the difference. That is all.


(And btw--if you think martial arts is really about kicking each other in the head, you have obviously never been to a class, or demonstration, or watched anything other than the meathead UFC. Martial arts at it's core is about inner balance and inner peace, and to the true martial artist, if he ever has to use his self defense ability, he failed.)

 

[BellaRisa]

Of course people would not SAY that. In fact, many people would not even believe it. The only way to know for sure is to imagine the kink aspect of the relationship removed--would these people still be as important to you with it gone, or would you suddenly notice things about them that you didn't before which might detur you, but you made allowances before because of the kink?

If the answer is, kink aside, they are still very important to you, then kudos. You found a good friend in that case. The point I am trying to make is that many people trick themselves into thinking they really love this person for this person, when in reality the feelings of intimacy/love/tightness they get from them really all go back to the fact they are sharing their kink with them. In which case, since you are sharing something that is obviously personal and intimate to you, you will obviously have projected feelings of intimacy and closeness with the people you share it with. (that, or you are just looking for cheap sexual thrills and don't care either way)

I'm basing it on quite a few dozen friends/friends of/ and basically counselor to people who were invovled in many different fetishes of many times. tickling/furries/BDSM/or even just gay/lesbian and even heterosexual regulars. And I don't recall that I condemned anyone for doing anything. I am not a priest, a monk, God, the law or the universe, so I can't make any claims as to whether or not meeting best friends over something that is "occasionally sexual" is right or wrong. I can say, however, from experience, friendship started through something sexual is usually tricky ground, and more times than not people don't know where to draw the lines, or where the lines even SHOULD be drawn. As a result, for many people as time goes on, they start questioning themselves, and it, and it becomes harmful to all parties invovled. (in many situations ive seen at least) of course, the exception would be those who immerse their entire lives in the fetish world, or make it a serious part of their middle aged/ adult life when looking for something new.

But like the beer drinking and heavy partying when peopel are young is a pahse in which they feel closer to ALL thoe people than anyone else for so long, but they eventually grow out of it--the kink thing can be prepared to that in alot of ways. No one ever said adults were smarter than teenagers when it comes to deluding themselves. In fact, because they are adults its more dangerous because they think they know the difference--when the fact is, concerning ourselves, none of us really ever do.

Again, I never said befriending people through a kink is not noble, or ever wrong. Plenty of people do meet in martial arts, or language class, and get together, and delude themselves there into thinking that someone means more to them than they actually do. Because of this, or that, or whatever. But with kinks, its FAR more likly you will turn a blind eye to thinks just because you are getting satisfied. When it comes down to it, it's no different than the 23 year old man hating the crap out of his girlfriends family, friends, and everything she does, but fooling himself into thinking it's all good because she's great at giving head. I'ts just slightly more masked than that--and the feelings of intimacy and belonging are far more potent and passionate because in many cases of kinks, people have hidden their desires for their whole lives and now feel they have found "their world"

Call me names if you want, but I'm not telling you, or anyone here what to do, or how to do it, or if anything is right or wrong. I'm just talking cause and effect. And I'm saying that for myself, I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I might not know the difference. That is all.

I certainly won't call you names 🙂 And you have every right to your opinion. It's just that what you're saying makes very little sense to me and just seems to be a way to justify pushing potential friends away, and didn't seem to come from any concrete information. It still doesn't frankly, though again I understand where you're coming from even if I disagree, and I disagree based upon real experience and not the hypothetical.

And of course I understand that martial arts is about so much more than that. Just as I hope you understand that NEST is about so much more than tickling 😀

 

[Artoo]

...imagine the kink aspect of the relationship removed--would these people still be as important to you with it gone, or would you suddenly notice things about them that you didn't before which might detur you, but you made allowances before because of the kink?

It's an interesting thought experiment, but as far as I'm concerned, it's well off the mark.

Sure, I've gotten to know many on here due to the fact that we share a love of tickling; it's the initial spark which helps us get to know each other more. Some of them I chat to more, some of them less. Some of them I disagree outright on certain points, and admittedly because they're my friends, I look past it. But there comes a point in a friendship where you're friends regardless of the context that you were first introduced to each other.

As an example, I'm a member of the juggling community here in the UK. I go to conventions, parties, workshops, etc, and I socialise with other jugglers. Many of my friends are jugglers. And indeed, it was at juggling meetings that I first got to know them. But some of those I got on with, and we go to the pub, shoot pool with each other, go round each others' houses for dinner, and so on. Sometimes juggling doesn't even enter the conversation! And there are some jugglers who I don't get on with, and don't particularly miss when I don't see them.

I guess the point of this post is that although tickling might be "the glue that holds us all together", it doesn't define the friendships I've made with people on this forum.
If tickling defined the friendships I have with people on this forum, I'd have the potential to be friends with every member here. And I don't.

 

[Sandrock74]

Someone has to stay behind and take over the forum. I wasn't even going to, but people have been pestering me about it ever since my bloodless coup during the NHLee last summer. It seems the entertainment value was appreciated by some.

That reminds me, when is NEST?

Crap on a pogo stick! 7 days and 4 hours?!? Damn, I got troops to rally, support to muster and stuff like that.

 

[FeatherFeet]

I certainly won't call you names 🙂 And you have every right to your opinion. It's just that what you're saying makes very little sense to me and just seems to be a way to justify pushing potential friends away, and didn't seem to come from any concrete information. It still doesn't frankly, though again I understand where you're coming from even if I disagree, and I disagree based upon real experience and not the hypothetical.

And of course I understand that martial arts is about so much more than that. Just as I hope you understand that NEST is about so much more than tickling 😀

Thank you for not calling me names. ^.^

But I think you misunderstand...I don't try to push potential firends away...on the contrary, I just try to make sure the friendships I make are real friendships. Of course, there is no real definition on real friendship, I just like to be sure what I feel about a person is what I actually feel about a person.

I'm not talking just the hypothetical here either...I may not have exprienced many accounts first hand, but I have first handedly seen the damage to both parties when such a thing was mishandled. Plenty of times. People emerge from it confused, without a real sense of who they are, or why they do things. I don't like seeing that happen to anyone, especially when its really no one's fault, and just an urge for belonging, or a desire for acceptance that usually drives it.

I'm sure that Nest at it's heart is much more than tickling. Anthrocon at it's heart is much for than a furry con, and Martial arts conventions are more than sparring sessions. But in all cases, there will be people who go for reasons that were unintended, same as people go to bars or bookstores for the these reasons.

Maybe it's just a weakness of mine, but I perfer to keep my friends on the friend level, my family on the family level, and my lovers on the sexual level. I don't much enjoy the ambiguity that others do, and some handle it very well. I personally could not, I know that much about myself. It's way too complicated for me, and I like knowing who I can depend on for what, and who really depends on me for what purpose. Maybe those who can draw a line clearly between which kink is sexual, and what kinky act is merely fun can do it right. But when the lines are blurry, it makes the path a whole lot harder to follow.

 

[FeatherFeet]

It's an interesting thought experiment, but as far as I'm concerned, it's well off the mark.

Sure, I've gotten to know many on here due to the fact that we share a love of tickling; it's the initial spark which helps us get to know each other more. Some of them I chat to more, some of them less. Some of them I disagree outright on certain points, and admittedly because they're my friends, I look past it. But there comes a point in a friendship where you're friends regardless of the context that you were first introduced to each other.

As an example, I'm a member of the juggling community here in the UK. I go to conventions, parties, workshops, etc, and I socialise with other jugglers. Many of my friends are jugglers. And indeed, it was at juggling meetings that I first got to know them. But some of those I got on with, and we go to the pub, shoot pool with each other, go round each others' houses for dinner, and so on. Sometimes juggling doesn't even enter the conversation! And there are some jugglers who I don't get on with, and don't particularly miss when I don't see them.

I guess the point of this post is that although tickling might be "the glue that holds us all together", it doesn't define the friendships I've made with people on this forum.
If tickling defined the friendships I have with people on this forum, I'd have the potential to be friends with every member here. And I don't.

As I said, if you could remove the kink aspect and they're still your friends, kudos. Then you have made some real friends, and it's a good thing. Maybe the unfortonate ambiguity of the kink friend never affected you personally. But I wouldn't presume to deny it doesn't happen. You seem to have taken it to a personal level. Maybe the ambiguity and confusion has no place in your own life, and that's a very good thing. Some aren't as smart/mature/ and or lucky as you. Or, to some, the lines are just blurry.

 

[LeeAllure]

The thing is, that NEST (or any of the other gatherings) don't HAVE to happen. I'm just
as happy to go to Philly and hang out for a week without all the work that goes into
planning an event like this... AND I DO! I make an effort to go to other events, or have
them myself, because I've met people who do not live in my neighborhood, and I want
to spend time with them.

If NEST wasn't consistently the among best weekends of my life, every year, and I
hoped that others who shared in that would also have an amazing time, then I'd stop
going. Tickling is important to me. I certainly have no problems finding a person to
tickle. There are a lot of people who have met their spouses/significant others at
gatherings and through the TMF. The sound of the laughter throughout the weekend
is so beautiful and uplifting.

That being said, if you're the kind of person who doesn't get along well with groups,
or doesn't really want to be/can't be happy in that kind of situation, or can't afford
to go to them, then yes, you should not go. Enough people have a great time at the gatherings and want you to have the chance to experience it too, but if you can't
that's ok. No one is forcing you 🙂

NEST/gatherings happen because people like getting together with the others they
meet there, even if they only meet once a year or so. If we didn't we wouldn't go!
You certainly don't have to go. And who's to say that you'd have a good time if you
did? Only the *possibility* of a good time exists, if you know how to take advantage
of that.
Big gatherings are not for everyone, and if you prefer one on one, and don't
feel that going to an event with others of the opposite sex who are also into
something you like (or even members of the same sex - there are gatherings
for that) because you already have the perfect tickle partner, then goodonyou!

It's really a matter of personal preference. I'm not bashing those who don't go,
and I think that those who do go to gatherings should be given the same courtesy.

And to the OP - you find people who fit you - no one hangs out with others due to
pity, they do so because they want to, or else they don't hang out with you, also
because they want to. We also understand that being new can be punishing, so
we take great pains to make it as painless as possible, to introduce you to other
new folks, and veterans, to get you interacting. It's hard to force people to have
a good time and to get along, but we try 🙂

Lee

 

[BellaRisa]

Thank you for not calling me names. ^.^

But I think you misunderstand...I don't try to push potential firends away...on the contrary, I just try to make sure the friendships I make are real friendships. Of course, there is no real definition on real friendship, I just like to be sure what I feel about a person is what I actually feel about a person.

I'm not talking just the hypothetical here either...I may not have exprienced many accounts first hand, but I have first handedly seen the damage to both parties when such a thing was mishandled. Plenty of times. People emerge from it confused, without a real sense of who they are, or why they do things. I don't like seeing that happen to anyone, especially when its really no one's fault, and just an urge for belonging, or a desire for acceptance that usually drives it.

I'm sure that Nest at it's heart is much more than tickling. Anthrocon at it's heart is much for than a furry con, and Martial arts conventions are more than sparring sessions. But in all cases, there will be people who go for reasons that were unintended, same as people go to bars or bookstores for the these reasons.

Maybe it's just a weakness of mine, but I perfer to keep my friends on the friend level, my family on the family level, and my lovers on the sexual level. I don't much enjoy the ambiguity that others do, and some handle it very well. I personally could not, I know that much about myself. It's way too complicated for me, and I like knowing who I can depend on for what, and who really depends on me for what purpose. Maybe those who can draw a line clearly between which kink is sexual, and what kinky act is merely fun can do it right. But when the lines are blurry, it makes the path a whole lot harder to follow.

You really don't consider your lovers to be friends as well? That seems a shame to me.

 

[Rorschach Blues]

I have no cash, or time right now. Stupid exams and stupid no job-having...

 

[FeatherFeet]

You really don't consider your lovers to be friends as well? That seems a shame to me.

Oh, of course I do. But I'm that type of guy who prefers friends first anyway with my lovers. I've had so few in my life because I knew all of them for years, and trusted them greatly before we went down that road.

So in that sense, my lovers were my best friends, with the loving on top. ^.^ But on the other hand, I wouldn't want to have the ambiguity in considering my female friends as all potential lovers. That would be unfair to the friendship. I've known plenty of guys who keep female friends they didn't really like as people just on the off chance of getting laid. That's not fair to the woman, and always ends up bad for the man too. (And visa versa when a girl does it to boys, or boys to boys, girls to girls, ect ect)

Friends with benefits just never suited me.

Yes, I know, I'm the total life of the party over here.
You should hear what the guys I work with say.

 

[Lord Doctor]

It's origins are for me largely irrelevant now. I would go just to meet people, for the talk, the beer (there must be SOME!!!!) and SPU driving everyone insane 😀.

I would go to NEST for the same reasons I would go to a Star Trek or Doctor Who convention, or Galacticon, or Baylon 5 etc. To have a good time regardless.

However since I am somehow determined to win the lotto tonight (lights green candles) I must go to SOME gathering this year for those reasons.

 

[kis123]

Oh, of course I do. But I'm that type of guy who prefers friends first anyway with my lovers. I've had so few in my life because I knew all of them for years, and trusted them greatly before we went down that road.

So in that sense, my lovers were my best friends, with the loving on top. ^.^ But on the other hand, I wouldn't want to have the ambiguity in considering my female friends as all potential lovers. That would be unfair to the friendship. I've known plenty of guys who keep female friends they didn't really like as people just on the off chance of getting laid. That's not fair to the woman, and always ends up bad for the man too. (And visa versa when a girl does it to boys, or boys to boys, girls to girls, ect ect)

Friends with benefits just never suited me.

Yes, I know, I'm the total life of the party over here.
You should hear what the guys I work with say.

Two things:

First, I don't have a FWB gene so I don't believe in the concept and more power to those who do because they're getting more sex than I get.

Second, I don't know how you merely use the kink as a focal point. If I remove the kink from the equation I can still attend a NEST. Hell, if I remove kink from the equation I can still be a member of this forum.

I suspect that tickling is a sexual thing for you; it is not that way for everyone and for you to assume such is a little off-putting. There are many reasons to go to gatherings just as they're many reasons for being a member here. The sexual aspects have little to nothing to do with it as it does being with a group of people with common interests and not feeling like some sort of freak about it. That's what differs from your martial arts or reading club analogies; no one from the outside is going to call you a freak for being involved in martial arts or a reading club. But it's not like I can go to just anyone and say, "I have a tickling interest/desire/fetish...etc". Not without getting labeled freaky.

This is why most of us come here to TMF; just to be around those who agree that tickling isn't of the devil or something. Gatherings are the chance to put faces to names and even to play if desired. I've only been to one gathering and playing was not required. I did eventually play and even switched, but no one pressured me or expected anything of me but to have a good time.

Oh, and to the OP:

I'm broke and my health still isn't 100% yet. I still have plans to attend my first NEST. You'll know who I am too; I'll be the one hanging onto the wall petrified until I calm down and warm up a bit. I'm shy in big crowds....what can I tell you??

 

[FeatherFeet]

Two things:

First, I don't have a FWB gene so I don't believe in the concept and more power to those who do because they're getting more sex than I get.

Second, I don't know how you merely use the kink as a focal point. If I remove the kink from the equation I can still attend a NEST. Hell, if I remove kink from the equation I can still be a member of this forum.

I suspect that tickling is a sexual thing for you; it is not that way for everyone and for you to assume such is a little off-putting. There are many reasons to go to gatherings just as they're many reasons for being a member here. The sexual aspects have little to nothing to do with it as it does being with a group of people with common interests and not feeling like some sort of freak about it. That's what differs from your martial arts or reading club analogies; no one from the outside is going to call you a freak for being involved in martial arts or a reading club. But it's not like I can go to just anyone and say, "I have a tickling interest/desire/fetish...etc". Not without getting labeled freaky.

This is why most of us come here to TMF; just to be around those who agree that tickling isn't of the devil or something. Gatherings are the chance to put faces to names and even to play if desired. I've only been to one gathering and playing was not required. I did eventually play and even switched, but no one pressured me or expected anything of me but to have a good time.

Oh, and to the OP:

I'm broke and my health still isn't 100% yet. I still have plans to attend my first NEST. You'll know who I am too; I'll be the one hanging onto the wall petrified until I calm down and warm up a bit. I'm shy in big crowds....what can I tell you??

Again, I know there is a difference between them, thats why I made a point to mention how the passion and feelng of belonging is more powerful, and more easily intimate, and in some cases can get in the way and make the lines blurry. The difference is, I'm not going to fool myself into liking a girl cuz she reads the same books as me (though some people do it) but when it invovles something like a kink, an intimate, personal, even sexual thing...it is VERY easy to mistake how you value a person.

And I'm very happy you can remove the kink and attend a nest. And I'm happy you had fun. If it's just fun it's fun. The point I am making, hwoever, is that the lines can be easily blurred, and the removing the kind thing for me is the onyl real way to know if the firendship is really a friendship. Like "would i be friends with this chick if I wasn't getting laid" you wonder "if this person wasnt tickling me, or i wasnt tickling them all the time, would I be their friend?" i have said no word against those who have firends who do both, all im saying is that cause and effect dictate that when dealing with a kink the lines can be blurry on what you value who for. And when that happens, people get hurt.

I think people have a habbit when someone says "this can happen" they get defense and jump in with personal accounts of how they did things differently. I've been saying all along that you CAN make friends through a kink that are important friends. So I don't get why everyone needs to "disprove" what I'm saying with evidence to the contrary that I already know exists. I'm not denying the existance of real firends made through such a thing...but plenty of the people arguing my point here seem to be denying the fact that many people mishandle friendships formed through kinks.


(btw, tickling is situationally sexual to me...but, knowing how I can be fooled, I don't like to blur the lines anymore than they are for me. Though I don't recall anywhere in my posts assuming that tickling is sexual for everyone. In fact if you go back and look at one of my other ones, I do address that it is probably alot easier for people who can seperate the sex from the tickling to balance the act)

 

[TklshDiva]

So why am I NOT going to nest?

Many reasons ... mainly because I'm a very private person and if I play with anyone it will be with someone close to my heart! I'm not "into" tickle play with anyone I don't know to me just the thought of someone touching me
(even if I give them permission too ) makes me cringe.

It's not to say that others feel what I feel and that's perfectly fine. I personally feel this way and wish all that go to enjoy yourself, keep an open mind as you would with anything you try for the first time or do in your life and just enjoy YOUR LIFE!

🙂

 

[kis123]

Again, I know there is a difference between them, thats why I made a point to mention how the passion and feelng of belonging is more powerful, and more easily intimate, and in some cases can get in the way and make the lines blurry. The difference is, I'm not going to fool myself into liking a girl cuz she reads the same books as me (though some people do it) but when it invovles something like a kink, an intimate, personal, even sexual thing...it is VERY easy to mistake how you value a person.

And I'm very happy you can remove the kink and attend a nest. And I'm happy you had fun. If it's just fun it's fun. The point I am making, hwoever, is that the lines can be easily blurred, and the removing the kind thing for me is the onyl real way to know if the firendship is really a friendship. Like "would i be friends with this chick if I wasn't getting laid" you wonder "if this person wasnt tickling me, or i wasnt tickling them all the time, would I be their friend?" i have said no word against those who have firends who do both, all im saying is that cause and effect dictate that when dealing with a kink the lines can be blurry on what you value who for. And when that happens, people get hurt.

I think people have a habbit when someone says "this can happen" they get defense and jump in with personal accounts of how they did things differently. I've been saying all along that you CAN make friends through a kink that are important friends. So I don't get why everyone needs to "disprove" what I'm saying with evidence to the contrary that I already know exists. I'm not denying the existance of real firends made through such a thing...but plenty of the people arguing my point here seem to be denying the fact that many people mishandle friendships formed through kinks.


(btw, tickling is situationally sexual to me...but, knowing how I can be fooled, I don't like to blur the lines anymore than they are for me. Though I don't recall anywhere in my posts assuming that tickling is sexual for everyone. In fact if you go back and look at one of my other ones, I do address that it is probably alot easier for people who can seperate the sex from the tickling to balance the act)

*scratches head*

Uh....well.....hmmm...let's see.

I haven't been to a NEST yet but a substantially much smaller gathering. If NEST was the only gathering to go to I'd be in trouble since I'm not good with large groups.

When I went to that gathering I had no idea what to expect. I brought things for play yet never expected to use them. I brought no preconvceived notions because what if no one wanted to play with me? Boy, was I ever wrong there!! I went because at that time I was relatively new to the tickling scene and it was also a time in my life I desparately needed a break-out adventure. I never would've gotten that from hanging around in OH; not back then.

You're absolutely right; if you can't discern a friendship from a sexual standpoint you shouldn't go to gatherings because that's not what happens there (unless consenting adults do their thing in private). And although you didn't directly say that tickling was sexual for everyone, your previous posts sure implied it (at least for me) or I never would've comented in the first place. But to each his/her own; I'm not saying you're wrong in your approach or how you choose to deal with it. I'm saying that there are many reasons for gatherings and real friendships/bonds are made and kept for years just like in any other social group.