Some Humor To Lighten Things Up

[luv2bt&tickled]

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for
the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing
beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

~~~~~~~~~
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop
finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

~~~~~~~~~~
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes
up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck,
huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."

~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically
at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."

😀

 

[primetime]

that's what i like about you, you always come up with some good stuff. especially the one about the college professor's snappy comeback. i can picture the class roaring in laughter....

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Thanks Prime!!!!

I am glad that you enjoyed them, that is what I'm about trying to make people laugh, have fun and take their minds off their troubles. I am a lover not a fighter, I try to make post humor but Ray is the King of all that! LOL he has me beat , I love his stuff too! Alway's brings a smile to my heart to read his posts. 🙂

Here's one for you Prime 🙂........
WAYS TO IRRITATE YOUR PROFESSOR




* Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.

* Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

* Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (at least for the Male profs)

* Address the professor as "your excellency".

* When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

* Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

* Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.

* Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

* Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.

* Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.

* Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute)

* Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.

* Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
😉

 

[twinkletoes78]

those were so funny. I hope yo don't mind but I had to copy those and take them to work! I would love to have that picture you have up luv2btickled where can I get one?

 

[Limeoutsider]

Thanks for sharing!! Those were cute!

 

[kwildoctr]

Cute. Where in the world do you find this stuff?


😀 😀 😀 😀

R

 

[sole seeker]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

A smart-ass guy ... asks, "What ... if I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher ... says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

ROTFLM-ENTIRE-AO!

Reminds me of something that happened when I was about 15 years old, working my first job at a service station. A friend had come by and he brought another guy along with him.

My dad, a policeman, came by in uniform while he was on duty, to visit me for a few minutes while me and these two guys were standing around shooting the breeze.

First words he spoke, right to my dad's face and in front of all of us, this unknown kid said, "Geeze, I'd hate for my father to be a cop."

Without missing a beat my old man said, "Well son, you never know... I got around a lot when I was younger!"

There was a full three seconds of silence, and then my friend and I laughed so hard we could hardly stand up. The other kid just walked away. I never saw him again.



(Now you know where I got my warped sense of humor!) 😛

 

[BettyBoop2002]

Re: Re: Some Humor To Lighten Things Up

ROTFLM-ENTIRE-AO!

Reminds me of something that happened when I was about 15 years old, working my first job at a service station. A friend had come by and he brought another guy along with him.

My dad, a policeman, came by in uniform while he was on duty, to visit me for a few minutes while me and these two guys were standing around shooting the breeze.

First words he spoke, right to my dad's face and in front of all of us, this unknown kid said, "Geeze, I'd hate for my father to be a cop."

Without missing a beat my old man said, "Well son, you never know... I got around a lot when I was younger!"

There was a full three seconds of silence, and then my friend and I laughed so hard we could hardly stand up. The other kid just walked away. I never saw him again.



(Now you know where I got my warped sense of humor!) 😛

That was funny SS, I can just picture that too! Tracy, I love these, where do you find them? 🙂 PS Tracy, I still can not get my animation to work🙁 will you ummm will you.....I am begging you "will you do it for me"? Please🙂