Some jokes for sole seeker and all you guys

[iluv2tkl]

I have noticed that sole seeker comes up with some laugh your butt off jokes. I would like to tell some too so we can all have a good laugh. Everyone, if you have a joke, feel free to tell it here.

 

[iluv2tkl]

How do you?

How do you get Bin Laden or Saddam to come out of hiding?

We have our fighter jets spread viagra all over Iraqi soil until the little peckers pop up.

 

[iluv2tkl]

The Wooley booger

An adventurous man once took a trip away from his rather obnoxious wife to the Aussie outback.

On his last day before coming back home to America and his irretating wife, he went into a particularely rough looking bar.
Upon taking a few drinks, the bartender leaned over and proceeded to talk with him about something very interesting.

The bartender pulled out a small box, and explained that in it was the wildest and most dangerous creature on the planet and that he would sell it to the man for only 100 dollars. The man asked the bartender what it was and the bartender replied,
" this is a wooley booger!"

Of course the man laughed and said, no way.
The bartender stepped back confidentally and said, "watch this". He opened up the small box and the cutest little furball of a creature creeped out of it.

The traveling man was already impressed because he had never seen an animal like this. As he reached in his wallet to pay, the bartender told him to wait, there was something else he wanted to show him.

The bartender looked around his establishment and then shouted," wooler booger bar stool". Immediately the little creature made a loud, horrible, bone chilling sound, and took off like lightening to the bar stool, instantaneously devouring it whole!

A creature the size of a softball ate the entire bar stool.
Again the bartender yelled, "wooley booger, pool table!"
Again the creature whipped around, tore over to the table, and just demolished it in seconds!
Of course the man wanted this animal now, and he gladly paid. He picked up the now calm creature, put it in the box and left.

Days later her arrived at his house back in America. Bursting in the door excitedly he said, " honey, you gotta see what I bought ya!"
She came very grumpily as she always did to him and asked him what it was in a very rude tone.
He placed the box on the floor and out crawled the little creature.
She then said obnoxiously to her husband, "what the heck is this little dust ball you brought home?"
He said, "it is a wooley booger honey"

She replied, "WOOLEY BOOGER MY ASS!"

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I think I can imagine what happens next, lol!😀 😀

 

[TheEliteOne]

ive heard jokes of tat caliber b4,but thanks anyways 🙂

 

[iluv2tkl]

huh?

Fut the wuck is that supposed to mean?

 

[TheEliteOne]

as in ive heard jokes like that b4 🙂

 

[sole seeker1]

Thanks for thinking of me, Iluv. Ok, I'll add one a buddy sent me:


One day this guy, who's been stranded on all alone on a desert island for 10 years, is sitting out on the beach when a beautiful woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear suddenly emerges from the surf.

She approaches the stunned guy and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She unzips a waterproof pocket and pulls out a fresh pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Oh, that's good!"

Then the woman asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink?"

Trembling, the man says, "Ten long years!"

The woman unzips her water proof pocket on her left sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

The man takes a long swig and says, "Man, that's sweet!"

The woman then starts slowly unzipping the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

The man, with tears in his eyes, replies, "Oh sweet mother of God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"

 

[sole seeker1]

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time - weightlifters, longshoremen, but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

 

[general zod1]

Hre's one I heard from the Bob and Tom Show as told by Chick Magee
One day a toad hops up to the good fairy and says "Good fairy I have a yellow penis.Can you change the color?" The good fairy replies "I can only change the shape or size.To change the color you have to see the wizard" So the toad hops away

A while later an elephant walks up to the good fairy He says "Good fairy I have a purple trunk Please change the color of it" The good fairy says "I can only change the shape or size.To change the color you have to see the wizard" The elephant asks "How do I get to the wizard?" "That's easy"says the good fairy "Just follow the yellow dick toad"

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I saw that one coming. (Still good though.😀 )