Biggles of 266
1st Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2001
- Messages
- 1,126
- Points
- 36
Look for boys with stars in their eyes
May 24 2002
For a real lover, girls, you can't go past the weedy nerd in the army disposals greatcoat, writes Tim Ferguson.
Male Star Wars fans have copped a lot of slagging in the media lately. The primary accusation - from Bernard Zuel in these pages this week - is that the young Jedi Masters can't get a girlfriend. It's time to fight back. Girls, listen up.
Talk to your average male Star Wars enthusiast and you'll notice a few things. There are the pimples, a bit of chubbiness (or weediness), a disposal store coat and a Use The Force sticker on his copy of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Despite what you've been told, these characteristics prove he's the ultimate catch for any woman.
Think about it. The pimples show a strong hormonal presence in his bloodstream, a sure sign he's ready for sex and will be ready for it again, immediately.
He'll also take it very seriously. The Star Wars fan will show all the tenderness, respect and eagerness to please that desperation inspires in a man. With patient guidance, he'll be keen to discover the secrets of the hooded enigma with sensitivity and persistence. Best of all, girls, he'll want to talk afterwards. And he'll want to talk about you.
His chubbiness or weediness, depending on his metabolism, is a sign that he eschews the empty narcissism found in the primping, preening iron-pumpers known as "spunks". The Jedi prefers reading books to the meaningless shoving of weights back and forth. The Jedi's disposal store clothing (oversized naval coats, canvas satchels, bovver boots, khaki jumpsuit) is proof that the Star Wars man isn't a shallow fashion victim. He doesn't need a new Gap T-shirt to feel good about himself. He knows who he is and what he wants. He's a dag, sure, but he wants to spend his T-shirt money buying jewellery for you.
The attribute women say they most admire in a man is a sense of humour. Look no further than the Jedi. The Hitch-Hiker's Guide he's carrying is a sure sign he likes to laugh. (It's also a sign he reads books, unlike the average stud whose literary endeavours are limited to gormlessly gawking at the centre pages of FHM.) What's more, the Jedi's ability to recite Monty Python sketches in the kitchen at parties shows his considerable memory. He'll remember your name in the morning. Right after he tells you he loves you.
Yes, the Jedi will talk rubbish about galactic transport specifications but would you really prefer to hear about Plugger's hamstrings?
And what about the positive things Star Wars brings to the lives of young men? Yes, Princess Leia is a one-dimensional character, but she was the first cinema chick to shoot at the bad guys with any accuracy. She has never once sprained an ankle or screamed like a, well, like a girl. She has commanded forces into battle, stood up to tyrants and throttled a giant wormlike Hutt twice her size.
Above all, she has never taken crap from any male character. She was tough, smart and independent before Lara Croft was even born.
Girls, if you really want a man with a strong sex drive, humility, honesty and an ability to make you laugh (at him or with him, he won't care), the Star Wars fan is for you. If you want to be dated and dumped without any conversation or laughter in between, stick to the stud.
Tim Ferguson is an author and former member of the Doug Anthony Allstars.
May 24 2002
For a real lover, girls, you can't go past the weedy nerd in the army disposals greatcoat, writes Tim Ferguson.
Male Star Wars fans have copped a lot of slagging in the media lately. The primary accusation - from Bernard Zuel in these pages this week - is that the young Jedi Masters can't get a girlfriend. It's time to fight back. Girls, listen up.
Talk to your average male Star Wars enthusiast and you'll notice a few things. There are the pimples, a bit of chubbiness (or weediness), a disposal store coat and a Use The Force sticker on his copy of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Despite what you've been told, these characteristics prove he's the ultimate catch for any woman.
Think about it. The pimples show a strong hormonal presence in his bloodstream, a sure sign he's ready for sex and will be ready for it again, immediately.
He'll also take it very seriously. The Star Wars fan will show all the tenderness, respect and eagerness to please that desperation inspires in a man. With patient guidance, he'll be keen to discover the secrets of the hooded enigma with sensitivity and persistence. Best of all, girls, he'll want to talk afterwards. And he'll want to talk about you.
His chubbiness or weediness, depending on his metabolism, is a sign that he eschews the empty narcissism found in the primping, preening iron-pumpers known as "spunks". The Jedi prefers reading books to the meaningless shoving of weights back and forth. The Jedi's disposal store clothing (oversized naval coats, canvas satchels, bovver boots, khaki jumpsuit) is proof that the Star Wars man isn't a shallow fashion victim. He doesn't need a new Gap T-shirt to feel good about himself. He knows who he is and what he wants. He's a dag, sure, but he wants to spend his T-shirt money buying jewellery for you.
The attribute women say they most admire in a man is a sense of humour. Look no further than the Jedi. The Hitch-Hiker's Guide he's carrying is a sure sign he likes to laugh. (It's also a sign he reads books, unlike the average stud whose literary endeavours are limited to gormlessly gawking at the centre pages of FHM.) What's more, the Jedi's ability to recite Monty Python sketches in the kitchen at parties shows his considerable memory. He'll remember your name in the morning. Right after he tells you he loves you.
Yes, the Jedi will talk rubbish about galactic transport specifications but would you really prefer to hear about Plugger's hamstrings?
And what about the positive things Star Wars brings to the lives of young men? Yes, Princess Leia is a one-dimensional character, but she was the first cinema chick to shoot at the bad guys with any accuracy. She has never once sprained an ankle or screamed like a, well, like a girl. She has commanded forces into battle, stood up to tyrants and throttled a giant wormlike Hutt twice her size.
Above all, she has never taken crap from any male character. She was tough, smart and independent before Lara Croft was even born.
Girls, if you really want a man with a strong sex drive, humility, honesty and an ability to make you laugh (at him or with him, he won't care), the Star Wars fan is for you. If you want to be dated and dumped without any conversation or laughter in between, stick to the stud.
Tim Ferguson is an author and former member of the Doug Anthony Allstars.
We'll just see what happens in the Northern vs Southern hemisphere match mate 
)
