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Texan's guide to life

naughty1

TMF Regular
Joined
May 2, 2006
Messages
175
Points
16
I actually spent a couple of years living in San Antonio, so I'm told I can qualify as an honorary Texan twice removed from three of my cousins and a half-brother on my mother's sister's uncle's side...at least, that's how I understand it. Oh well, read on...

Never squat with yer spurs on.

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Finally, silence is golden, so never miss a good chance to shut up.
 
Size sometimes matters

Q.-What do you do if a Texan is too big to fit in his coffin?

A.-Give him an enema and you can bury him in a shoe box.
 
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