Dave2112
Level of Cherry Feather
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2001
- Messages
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FADE IN:
INT. JULIAN MCMAHON'S OFFICE
IOAN GRUFFUDD whimpers his way into JULIAN MCMAHON'S
office. MICHAEL CHIKLIS follows behind gruffly.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Julian, there's a deadly cosmic
storm brewing. We should observe it
for Science!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Sounds good, as long as I can go
too, since so often do powerful
company owners go into space.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Me want space!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Now please drool like a pathetic
dog over Jessica Alba. Try to ignore
her ridiculously tall hair.
JESSICA ALBA
I'm the Director of Genetic
Research. Really.
JULIAN MCMAHON
That's right, she heads up the T&A,
er, R&D department.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
It's slobberin' time.
INT. SPACE SHIP
IOAN, JULIAN, MICHAEL, and JESSICA all go into space. CHRIS
EVANS approaches.
CHRIS EVANS
I'm a rambunctious sort, which
qualifies me to be an astronaut, I
guess.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Me hate Chris Evans!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Oh no, I used Science wrong, and
now we will be blasted with Evil
Science!
They ARE. Instead of killing them, this gives them SUPER
POWERS.
EXT. EARTH
Back on EARTH, CHRIS EVANS wastes 4 minutes of our lives
SNOWBOARDING down a mountain for ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING
REASON.
CHRIS EVANS
Drink Mountain Dew! TO THE EXTREME!
He bursts into flames but he is TOTALLY COOL about it since
he's WAY COOL. IOAN pants over JESSICA in an embarrassing
manner. The dialogue awkwardly contorts itself in order to
deliver this line:
JESSICA ALBA
(turning invisible)
It's nice to be seen.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Holy shit, you're turning
invisible! And look, I can stretch
my body like a hunk of rubber with
infinite mass!
CHRIS EVANS
And I can control fire!
JESSICA ALBA
Wow, my power fucking sucks!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Maybe Michael Chiklis's power sucks
more, let's find him.
They look for MICHAEL, but he has RUN AWAY FROM HOME.
INT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE
MICHAEL CHIKLIS, wearing an ORANGE RUBBER SUIT, makes a BIG
SCENE. The FANTASTIC THREE arrive but cannot get through the
crowd!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Oh no! The crowd is so thick that
we cannot get to Michael. Jessica,
turn invisible, because apparently
being invisible also means that you
can walk through people.
JESSICA ALBA
Okay. I'll strip down to just my
underwear, then become visible again
to show off my tits, then invisible
again.
She becomes invisible and somehow this lets her get past
the crowd. Meanwhile, IOAN and CHRIS also get through the
crowd effortlessly, without the help of invisibility.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Ioan, my fiancee left me because
I'm a hideous monster.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
You're better off. She must have
only loved you for your looks.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
But I looked like Michael Chiklis.
Suddenly, there are some explosions and some other random
crap. Everyone uses their special power to save people,
except JESSICA ALBA, whose power sucks, so she gets a second
one.
Meanwhile...
INT. CORPORATE MEETING ROOM
JULIAN MCMAHON is meeting with GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMEN
GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMAN
We're taking over your company.
JULIAN MCMAHON
Losing control of my own
corporation? This drives me into a
homicidal rage! I must now murder
all of you while wearing a
silly-looking mask with a mouth that
doesn't move when I speak!
He DOES.
GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMAN
This is entirely unlike Spider-man!
(dies)
INT. IOAN'S APARTMENT
IOAN is working in his lab.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
I'm almost finished with my super
power-reversal chamber.
JESSICA ALBA
So, if you can just create a cosmic
storm on your own, why did we all
have to go into space again?
IOAN GRUFFUDD
For Science!
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Alright, let me use the chamber and
remove my rubber suit.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
No, wait. The Science isn't fully
tested. I'm very methodical and
exact with my Science.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
...
IOAN GRUFFUDD
It's my character flaw.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
...
IOAN GRUFFUDD
It gives me depth!
MICHAEL uses the machine and turns back to a normal person.
EXT. CITY STREET
JULIAN MCMAHON tries to KILL EVERYONE, because he is the
BAD GUY.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
We won't let you get away with
this, Julian!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Get away with what? I'm trying to
kill you guys with no apparent goal
in mind. I just want attention.
Suddenly, MICHAEL shows up, back in the ORANGE RUBBER SUIT.
JESSICA ALBA
Michael! You turned back!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Yeah! That makes no sense at all!
CHRIS EVANS
Now we can combine our four powers
to destroy Julian!
JESSICA ALBA
Five powers, if you count my power
that isn't totally worthless!
They fight. IOAN irritates JULIAN briefly without
accomplishing anything, but then CHRIS surrounds JULIAN in a
tornado of flame which JESSICA contains. MICHAEL does
nothing for the entire battle, then finally does something
anyone else could do, having sacrificed normality for no
reason. Eventually Julian is showered with water.
JULIAN MCMAHON
Oh no, Science! My only weakness!
His super-hot metal body freezes from being cooled quickly.
JULIAN MCMAHON
This is entirely unlike Terminator!
(dies)
(not really)
CHRIS EVANS
You did it, Ioan!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
With Science!
JESSICA ALBA
I love you, inexplicably!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Learning is fun!
END
INT. JULIAN MCMAHON'S OFFICE
IOAN GRUFFUDD whimpers his way into JULIAN MCMAHON'S
office. MICHAEL CHIKLIS follows behind gruffly.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Julian, there's a deadly cosmic
storm brewing. We should observe it
for Science!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Sounds good, as long as I can go
too, since so often do powerful
company owners go into space.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Me want space!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Now please drool like a pathetic
dog over Jessica Alba. Try to ignore
her ridiculously tall hair.
JESSICA ALBA
I'm the Director of Genetic
Research. Really.
JULIAN MCMAHON
That's right, she heads up the T&A,
er, R&D department.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
It's slobberin' time.
INT. SPACE SHIP
IOAN, JULIAN, MICHAEL, and JESSICA all go into space. CHRIS
EVANS approaches.
CHRIS EVANS
I'm a rambunctious sort, which
qualifies me to be an astronaut, I
guess.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Me hate Chris Evans!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Oh no, I used Science wrong, and
now we will be blasted with Evil
Science!
They ARE. Instead of killing them, this gives them SUPER
POWERS.
EXT. EARTH
Back on EARTH, CHRIS EVANS wastes 4 minutes of our lives
SNOWBOARDING down a mountain for ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING
REASON.
CHRIS EVANS
Drink Mountain Dew! TO THE EXTREME!
He bursts into flames but he is TOTALLY COOL about it since
he's WAY COOL. IOAN pants over JESSICA in an embarrassing
manner. The dialogue awkwardly contorts itself in order to
deliver this line:
JESSICA ALBA
(turning invisible)
It's nice to be seen.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Holy shit, you're turning
invisible! And look, I can stretch
my body like a hunk of rubber with
infinite mass!
CHRIS EVANS
And I can control fire!
JESSICA ALBA
Wow, my power fucking sucks!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Maybe Michael Chiklis's power sucks
more, let's find him.
They look for MICHAEL, but he has RUN AWAY FROM HOME.
INT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE
MICHAEL CHIKLIS, wearing an ORANGE RUBBER SUIT, makes a BIG
SCENE. The FANTASTIC THREE arrive but cannot get through the
crowd!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Oh no! The crowd is so thick that
we cannot get to Michael. Jessica,
turn invisible, because apparently
being invisible also means that you
can walk through people.
JESSICA ALBA
Okay. I'll strip down to just my
underwear, then become visible again
to show off my tits, then invisible
again.
She becomes invisible and somehow this lets her get past
the crowd. Meanwhile, IOAN and CHRIS also get through the
crowd effortlessly, without the help of invisibility.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Ioan, my fiancee left me because
I'm a hideous monster.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
You're better off. She must have
only loved you for your looks.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
But I looked like Michael Chiklis.
Suddenly, there are some explosions and some other random
crap. Everyone uses their special power to save people,
except JESSICA ALBA, whose power sucks, so she gets a second
one.
Meanwhile...
INT. CORPORATE MEETING ROOM
JULIAN MCMAHON is meeting with GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMEN
GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMAN
We're taking over your company.
JULIAN MCMAHON
Losing control of my own
corporation? This drives me into a
homicidal rage! I must now murder
all of you while wearing a
silly-looking mask with a mouth that
doesn't move when I speak!
He DOES.
GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMAN
This is entirely unlike Spider-man!
(dies)
INT. IOAN'S APARTMENT
IOAN is working in his lab.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
I'm almost finished with my super
power-reversal chamber.
JESSICA ALBA
So, if you can just create a cosmic
storm on your own, why did we all
have to go into space again?
IOAN GRUFFUDD
For Science!
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Alright, let me use the chamber and
remove my rubber suit.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
No, wait. The Science isn't fully
tested. I'm very methodical and
exact with my Science.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
...
IOAN GRUFFUDD
It's my character flaw.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
...
IOAN GRUFFUDD
It gives me depth!
MICHAEL uses the machine and turns back to a normal person.
EXT. CITY STREET
JULIAN MCMAHON tries to KILL EVERYONE, because he is the
BAD GUY.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
We won't let you get away with
this, Julian!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Get away with what? I'm trying to
kill you guys with no apparent goal
in mind. I just want attention.
Suddenly, MICHAEL shows up, back in the ORANGE RUBBER SUIT.
JESSICA ALBA
Michael! You turned back!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Yeah! That makes no sense at all!
CHRIS EVANS
Now we can combine our four powers
to destroy Julian!
JESSICA ALBA
Five powers, if you count my power
that isn't totally worthless!
They fight. IOAN irritates JULIAN briefly without
accomplishing anything, but then CHRIS surrounds JULIAN in a
tornado of flame which JESSICA contains. MICHAEL does
nothing for the entire battle, then finally does something
anyone else could do, having sacrificed normality for no
reason. Eventually Julian is showered with water.
JULIAN MCMAHON
Oh no, Science! My only weakness!
His super-hot metal body freezes from being cooled quickly.
JULIAN MCMAHON
This is entirely unlike Terminator!
(dies)
(not really)
CHRIS EVANS
You did it, Ioan!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
With Science!
JESSICA ALBA
I love you, inexplicably!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Learning is fun!
END
