The Relationship Thread.....on improving it, knowing when to leave, etc.

[mabus]

With all the sniping going on in the General Discussion area right now, I wanted to start a topic I had been meaning to for a while
about basic relationships, advice, etc.

There are scores of threads started about how tickling fits in, do I leave if my mate isn't ticklish, or refuses to be tickled, ....one started long
ago about a guy who's solution was to tickle your wife every day to have a happy marriage, and the pages of disagreements.....

What are some things that you all have found that made great relationships, and what destroys them, or at least sows the seed of future problems?

Me for example...I'm divorced.

BUT....instead of whining about my ex-wife (we don't even speak anymore after the divorce), I can look back and see what DID work, what we both did right.

One thing I've noticed that some people do that's really tacky, is whine about/tear down their ex-partner on Facebook.

I changed my status from "single" to...nothing, to get no responses at all. She did the same.
Amazingly, even though we don't even speak anymore, neither of us bitched about each other for our hundreds of friends.
Months after the divorce was finalized, she de-friended me, but up until then, she said nothing about me on there, at that point, who cares anyway, but
none of our mutual friends said she ever posted anything. I never posted anything at all, ...hell, many of my friends may even think I'm still married!

I'm glad it was this way, and that was fantastic on her part for doing that, mine as well.

I have current friends who.......the SECOND the break up, are on there ranting about their ex-lovers, by name, and seeking the 50 sympathetic replies and agreements
that the ex was a worthless bastard. And this continues......sometimes for days.
That's why I don't need to watch soap operas!

Some have gone on for years, every now and then dropping the ranting posts about the problems with exes.

If I ever meet anyone else, we're going to have THE TALK. I'm going to be like,....."Babe, we're having a Facebook free relationship - I won't rant about you,
and I hope you won't about me. I obviously can't stop you...but goddamn that's tacky and classless as shit!"

I have Facebook friends that I'd consider asking out.....but then I see THAT, and think, "Helllllllll NO!"

 

[voided9]

I have never once complained about my husband on Facebook, even while we were dating. I see no point in airing dirty laundry like that. It's humiliating and shows a lack of respect. We have a mutual friend - we'll call him Tim. His wife bitches about him EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's embarrassing to see. I don't even have her on FB [we hate her] but she TAGS Tim in the posts so all his friends can see. So disrespectful.

 

[mabus]

Obviously, I'm a pantyhose fan...who isn't?!

My ex-wife....had a DRAWER of pantyhose, stockings......

I dressed how she wanted me to dress....why not? I dressed like a slob before, so didn't care.

My brother did the same thing....he gets married, and now dresses totally different than he did before, but he never cared how he dressed either, so he didn't care.
There's still married today, and he still dresses like she wants.

Some men may find that emasculating, but I don't......I had styles I liked, of course....but if dressing a certain way turns my wife or girlfriend on, and she's
in a great mood, why not?!

Of course, this is countered with her dressing how I'd like, matching to her tastes. I obviously won't make asshole demands, she can pick out what she wants, but I'll tell her what I'd like,
and hopefully she agrees. It's kind of a half and half thing, or most of the times/sometimes.

If she wants me to dress a certain way, but NEVER touches a pair of nylons, ever......yeah, they'd be problems. Why must I compromise, and she doesn't at all?

I've been on the pantyhose forums - the guys who have wives who wear nylons are much happier than the guys with partners who refuse, by definition.


I've always looked at relationships as kind of........SIMPLE.

If your partner has a crappy day at work, doing some housework and being ready with a backrub or footrub is excellent. Both people are happy - you get to
rub some hot footsies, and she gets a relaxing footrub.
If she comes home, and you're sitting on your ass watching TV, and don't even acknowledge her......yeah, you may have problems. Even if she doesn't
complain....the thought that she could have had the first reality will be there in her subconscious, slowly pissing her off......

 

[mabus]

I have never once complained about my husband on Facebook, even while we were dating. I see no point in airing dirty laundry like that. It's humiliating and shows a lack of respect. We have a mutual friend - we'll call him Tim. His wife bitches about him EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's embarrassing to see. I don't even have her on FB [we hate her] but she TAGS Tim in the posts so all his friends can see. So disrespectful.

I have at least 10 friends who do that. It's like on the forum here, people fishing for sympathy, while tearing down others.

 

[voided9]

People forget how important respect is. My friend's wife emasculates him, and they are both very unhappy. Will they divorce? Not anytime soon - they just had a baby. But our friend pretty much hates his life. It's painful to watch. If I have a problem with Zac, I don't go trashtalking him to others. I give myself time to calm down and I talk it out with him. We are always very open with each other and we keep our problems between us. I am disgusted by some of the BS I see on Facebook and other sites, where people don't even care what they say about their partner.

 

[GQguy]

It's an interesting version of self hate. Hating the person that took care of you.

 

[b0xr]

I also have a friend like that. It is very difficult to watch them because she actually emasculates him right in front of us ON PURPOSE. She lets everyone know who is the Boss and my poor buddy just takes everything she throws at him. I am so glad my wife is nothing like that at all.

People forget how important respect is. My friend's wife emasculates him, and they are both very unhappy. Will they divorce? Not anytime soon - they just had a baby. But our friend pretty much hates his life. It's painful to watch. If I have a problem with Zac, I don't go trashtalking him to others. I give myself time to calm down and I talk it out with him. We are always very open with each other and we keep our problems between us. I am disgusted by some of the BS I see on Facebook and other sites, where people don't even care what they say about their partner.

 

[C.A.B.]

It's an interesting version of self hate. Hating the person that took care of you.

That was quite deep and an interesting observation.

 

[C.A.B.]

Unfortunately for all, it seems very easy to emasculate the modern American male, as half the job is already done.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Respect and self-hate are great examples, but they represent two of many variables. It usually just falls back on attraction and affection. Self-hate
is more personal, and not interpersonal - of course. But, respect, is a representation of both attraction and affection. For instance, you can respect each others attraction(towards each other), but there is no affection(also known as, one-night stands and bed buddies). Or, you can have pure affection; for example, platonic relationships. Platonic relationships, are quite impossible if one of two factors are met: 1.) One of the parties are attracted to somebody else. Or, 2.)They fill a brisk of abstinence or are leaning towards a-sexualism.

Neither are fun, but it is their choice...