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The Top Kick-Ass 80's Movie Characters (discussion/participation thread)

Okay, just one more from me here just to keep the tone set...

EDDIE VALIANT (Bob Hoskins, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit") Well, how would YOU respond to having your partner and brother whacked because a piano had been dropped on his head? But the sullen, bitter, drunken Valiant that began this epic real life/cartoon hybrid soon evolved into a true prototypical eighties ass-kicker. Through Dolores' unwavering love, through Roger's goofball, hyper-annoying yet loyal faith, through his own simmering sense of justice that soon overtook the hatred of Toon Town brought on by his brother's untimely demise, Valiant steps, well, valiantly into the fray to solve Marvin Acme's grisly murder, along the way dealing with all manner of two-dimensional sillies, inventing impromptu limericks to help dispatch an ornery gang of Weasels, AND managing to withstand a battle of the ages with a seemingly indestructible Judge Doom. Sure, Hoskins' Brooklynese gumshoe accent takes an occasional nosedive (dude's NOT American-born, though, don't forget), but in all, he cracks down on the case just in time for "Smile, Darn Ya, Smile" to resound in the sunshiny foreground, stepping up into an echelon with Holmes, Chan, Hammer and other legendary sleuths.
 
Okay, here are the rest that I had on my preliminary list...

...and I hope that more of ya out there will either continue to contribute some more great nominees, or else to hear from some first-time posters on this thread or, ideally, both! :cool Not to mention the fact that this thread was just one away from falling into the dreaded abyss known as Page Two! :scared Anyhow, for anyone's appraisal or debate or what-not, here are the rest of my initial roster of top Renaissance-style eighties movies ass-kickers:

BEN RICHARDS (Arnold Schwarzenegger, "The Running Man")
MADMARTIGAN (Val Kilmer, "Willow")
JAKE "The Screwdriver" PHILLIPS (Louis Gossett Jr., "The Principal")
CLYDE THE ORANGUTAN (an ape whose real name I can't find, "Any Which Way You Can")
LT. PETE "Maverick" MITCHELL (Tom Cruise, "Top Gun")
DORALEE RHODES (Dolly Parton, "9 to 5")
MICK "Crocodile" DUNDEE (Paul Hogan, "Crocodile Dundee")
TY WEBB (Chevy Chase, "Caddyshack")
PRINCESS VESPA (Daphne Zuniga, "Spaceballs")
LOTNEY "Sloth" FRATELLI (John Matuszak, "The Goonies")
JACK COLTON (Michael Douglas, "The Jewel of the Nile")

Unless the general consensus is that this thread has run its course, please discuss and/or debate and most ESPECIALLY contribute to the running list! Either way, I'll narrow it down to a Top 25 here soon, where everyone that suggested a nominee will have one of theirs appear on the list at least once!(And HUGE kudos to anyone that can find out what that ape's real name was!) lol
 
I was planning on submitting a few more today, but my muse smacked me upside the head. I had to finish chapter 3. Then I got involved in a few episodes of Trek. Now I have to proofread. :scared Perhaps after I sleep a few hours.
 
Casey Jones (Elias Koteas - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): The only human aside from Shredder to ever go head to head with a ninja turtle and win.

Raphael (Josh Pais - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): He kicks Foot Ninja butt and eats apples after he's done and he does it IN STYLE.

Oroko Saki - The Shredder (James Saito - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): Were as the cartoon Shredder is a bumbling fool of a villain, this guy makes Chuck Norris look like an armature. He literally kicks the fucking crap out of all four Ninja Turtles and if he had not made the simple mistake of giving into his rage he probably could have taken Splinter as well.

Splinter (Kevin Clash - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): The only person known to actually be able to go toe to toe with the Shredder and win. He's smart, witty, and wise like the Budda and if your not careful he'll throw you from an eleven story building into a trash compactor.

Skeletor (Frank Langella - Masters of the Universe): He makes the cartoon Skeletor looks like a pansy and unlike the cartoon version this guy actually DOES CLAIM the power of Castle Greyskull (granted it's not enough to beat He-Man but it's more than his cartoon self ever did accomplish [and for the love of god he had He-Man kneeling before him damit]).

Gwildor (Billy Barty - Masters of the Universe): He's small, he's smart, he's witty, and he's a musician that can teleport you back in fucking time for the love of god. The make up job isn't bad either.
 
Those are excellent choices, Rox! Wow!

I really think it's terrific that each contributor has come at this discussion from his or her own particular vein and has made such profoundly shrewd selections. Those are outstanding, Rox, and thank you! 🙂 I have to confess that I had overlooked some of those films, but that's why I needed and implored you guys for assistance; through our widespread diversity in outlooks and opinions and movie knowledge, all of us can cover so much ground and make this eventual finalized list a true combination of so many great efforts on your guys' parts. VERY well thought-out, Rox, and thanks again!

And FD, I'll be looking forward to more continued great submissions from you when you have the opportunity. I realize you're a busy man, and your diverse talents keep you likely stretched rather thin, and I'm sure there are demands on you from all ends that truly appreciate your work and abilities. I couldn't have gotten this far without your support and feedback here, and once more, thanks very much. 🙂
 
Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Aykroyd – Ghost Busters): He listens to what he smells, he’s more than a little crazy, and he’s a chain smoker to boot. However, when it comes to facing a 80-meter tall marshmallow man, there’s no one you’d rather have by your side to cross the streams with. So let’s all give a round of applause and say…WHAT DID YOU DO RAY?

Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill – Star Wars [Episodes IV through VI): If Vader is the chosen one, he did a fucking poor job didn’t he. Luckily his son is here to clean up the mess. He may not be as unstoppable as Windu, as powerful as Yoda, or as terrifying as the Emperor, but if the Expanded Universe is anything to go by (and if Lucas hasn’t gone COMPLETELY bat shit fucking loco) then Luke is the man you want for any job as a hero! He takes on storm troopers, star destroyers, death stars, Darth Vader, and the Emperor and that’s just in 3 and ½ years after leaving Tatoonie. Vader’s destiny was to bring balance by killing Palaptine. Luke’s destiny was to fix the mess Anakin left for him to clean up. Luckily for a galaxy far far away, Luke does it in style!

Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox – Back to the Future): it is often said that ordinary people, when thrust into unordinary circumstance, shrine their brightest…that or go back in time via trying to escape Libyan Nationals with semi-automatics and ultimately almost prevent themselves from ever being born in the 1st place. Luckily for Marty McFly, he’s the type of guy who fixes mistakes, and he does it on a freaking hover board!

Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmett Brown – Back to the Future): He makes a time machine out of a car for god sakes! Nominate this guy for the damn Nobel Prize!

Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford – Blade Runner): When walking the line between heaven and hell, one should be very careful not to slip. Rick Deckard has not just slipped, he’s fallen and can’t get back up again, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to find some sanity in a planet Earth gone to utter and complete urban sprawl hell.

Fezzik (André the Giant – The Princess Bride): He’s big, he’s cuddly, he’s lovable, and he can throw a rock at terminal velocity (but he misses our hero on purpose so don’t worry people). He also seems to have a cloak fetish.

Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin – The Princess Bride): His name is Inigo Montoya! The six fingered man killed his father! The bastard should prepare to DIE!
 
Rox, your contributions are off-the-charts amazing! Thank you again!

Between the extraordinarily brilliant help both you and FeatherDaemon have especially given me (of course, everyone's contributions have been great and very much appreciated), I may have to expand my finalized list to a Top Twenty-Five! 😉 I can't thank you enough for your nominations, Rox...you've bumped this thread up another notch toward epic levels with your help! :cool
 
I have done a little research and I have three more to offer.

Ted Stryker - (Robert Hays / Airplane) - Ted Stryker twice had the courage and mental fortitude to land aircraft in harrowing situations. His skills were much that of the recent hero, Captain Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III, who landed that plane in the Hudson. Ted Stryker is dependable and quick thinking.

Ash - (Bruce Campbell / Evil Dead) - Ash on several occasion has battled the forces of the occult. Come face to face with death itself and laughed in its face. He started as an ordinary man in a shack in the woods before Hell exploded all around him. He vaulted into B-Hero stardom to eventually cameo in all the Spiderman movies and play Elvis. Who can argue with that coolness.

Ralph Hinkley - (William Katt / The Greatest American Hero) - Hinkley truly deserves to be on any list on 80's heroes. Yes, he had a super suit which granted him powers and invincibility. However, he lost the manual and had to figure out that suit on his own. He used brutal trial and error to learn how to use it. He could have inadvertently caused his own death in the pursuit of justice. All this, and he remained dedicated to his students. The Greatest American Hero premiered as a 2 hour Movie so that should grant him access to the list.
 
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Once again, top-notch submissions, FD!

I can even give ya a pass on ol' Billy Katt AND his Luke-from-General-Hospital curly perm (this WAS the eighties, after all): it was a made-for-TV movie-length pilot he premiered in, you're right, and he WAS sort of a self-made pseudo-hero in a semi-functioning Supe suit. PLUS he had that TRULY kick-ass theme song that soared on the pop charts (as many TV themes did back in that decade). Well done again, man! I especially like the Hays nomination ("The hospital? What is it?" "It's a big white building with patients, but that's not important right now..."). Winning Julie Hagerty's heart over again while trying his best not to be upstaged by Lloyd Bridges and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and the effeminate bald-headed guy that unplugged all the landing strip lights and Otto Pilot and...sheesh! No WONDER dude was sweating gallons just before the plane finally landed. FeatherDaemon, I have no idea where this thread would be without your able assistance, man, but I'm glad I won't have to find that out. 😉
 
Your choices are excellent, Adam64! Thanks for replying!

I agree with you unequivocably about the strength of Hamilton's character, and thanks tons for the Roddy nomination! That entire movie bypassed my obviously NOT failsafe radar, and the shrewdness of that selection is astounding! Thanks again for the contributions, and I can't wait to see how the finalized roster of eighties film "Renaissance-style" ass-kickers shapes up!

A quick rundown of the five criteria requisites originally posted at the start of the thread:
1) the final list won't have the same actor or actress on it more than once, 2) no villains, 3) no ACTUAL super-heroes, 4) no full-time, movielong fighters for sport, and 5) you have to be able to act at least a LITTLE

With that, it's become recently, gallingly apparent to me that this list of '80's cinematic booty-beaters has gone on for four thread pages and has YET to include perhaps one of THE most defining leading men of the eighties (though his true heyday was in the decade(s) before that, admittedly): BURT REYNOLDS! A man and his moustache! A pre-toupee, just-barely pre-Loni Burto! So let's make the nomination official here:

BO "Bandit" DARVILLE (Burt Reynolds, "Smokey and the Bandit II") With no regard nor respect for justice OR Justice (the late, great Jackie Gleason's constantly put-upon sheriff), Bo wouldn't take diddly from ANYONE as he led an impressive cast with preposterously telltale nicknames on a cross-half-country quest to deliver a pachyderm to the Promised Land (well, Texas, at any rate). Sally Field's froggy (sorry, had to) feelings for The Great Moustachioed One AND the crooning country backdrop from the real-live Statler Brothers only helped to shape Reynolds' true butt-bootin' movie image...and, luckilly, the sequel was released in '80, just in time for him to earn a nomination here!
 
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And SPEAKING of classic, prototype leading men...

...that ALSO had an eighties motion picture role well within the boundaries of what this thread's seeking out (AND pays homage and tribute to a recently-departed screen legend), here's one more to toss out there:

ROY HOBBS (Robert Redford, "The Natural") The biggest lefty lumber in the Knights' lineup (once that curmudgeon's curmudgeon, Wilford Brimley, finally put him IN the lineup), Redford was truly Ruthian in his exploits; don't forget, he would've been an ace pitcher had he not had a rather unfortunate run-in with a psychotic sports star-shooter chick that would've plugged "The Whammer" Wamboldt instead had Hobbs not struck him out on three straight heaters outside that one carnival. But Hobbs and his homemade "Wonderboy" club of gold resurfaced beyond pro ball's middle age and battled hecklers, teammate Bump's poor sportsmanship and would-be game-fixers (which he DID fall prey to in Malamud's novel, of course, but movies usually NEED the happy ending to work, y'see), plus many of his own demons to lead the Knights to the Pennant. I mean, when you have to sort out the affections of Glenn Close AND you also manage to literally tear the cover off the ball with one Herculean swat (AND Brimley's figurative suggestion, too), you're MORE than just a "natural" ballplayer, you're a natural Renaissance-style eighties movies rump rearranger too!
 
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Just thought of another one to toss into the mix...

Victor Prinzi / Captain Chaos (Dom DeLuise / Cannonball Run) - The co-pilot to J.J. McClure (Burt Reynolds) in the cross country race. Victor is not always the brightest bulb in the race, but much like Samwise to Frodo he is loyal and watches JJ's back, except of course he is getting JJ in trouble. Victor is a good-natured man and a crack driver. In addition to all this his alter-ego Captain Chaos is spot on to have in a fight and is the best driver of the "three" as well. So long as morality does not get in the way of winning a race The Captain is your man. Finally, the cast that creates the world of Cannonball Run is top-notch: Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Jackie Chan, Adrian Barbeau amongst a plethora of others. Does The Captain actually qualify as a super-hero... well I don't see the JLA offering him any jobs any time soon.

I think that I'll try to conjure up a few more women. I know that more are out there. I'll find them.
 
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Tremendous job yet again, FD

I'm not gonna say that ol' Dom actually qualifies as a true died-in-the-wool (or polyester, or whatever they make supe capes out of) superhero either, and is very ideal for this list in that role he played in Cannonball. :cool And I'm thinking a lot like you, too, that we can find even more women to populate this list. Adam64 brought up a really good one, Isabeau mentioned a few more shrewd ones herself, and I've even managed to get a few in there every now and again. Thanks once more for your greatly appreciated and obviously well-thought-out contributions to the thread, FD! This list is truly gonna rock once everyone's nominations are taken into account and weighed against one another to see who makes the final cut! And don't forget: EVERYONE that submitted a suggestion will have at least one of theirs qualify for the list provided said suggestion(s) meets the criteria for consideration! 😉
 
Rox_My_Sox said:
Skeletor (Frank Langella - Masters of the Universe): He makes the cartoon Skeletor looks like a pansy and unlike the cartoon version this guy actually DOES CLAIM the power of Castle Greyskull (granted it's not enough to beat He-Man but it's more than his cartoon self ever did accomplish [and for the love of god he had He-Man kneeling before him damit]).

Gwildor (Billy Barty - Masters of the Universe): He's small, he's smart, he's witty, and he's a musician that can teleport you back in fucking time for the love of god. The make up job isn't bad either.
Click to expand...



You know, I have never seen that, but now I must. I am completely serious. I was listening to Bill O'Reilly's talk-radio show on the way home t'other night, and he really made a strong case for Langella deserving an Oscar for his work in the recent Nixon/Frost movie.

Whether he's playing Skeletor or Nixon, Langella is one of those actors who embodies the role. A true thespian.
 
I hear ya there, Rick

Not only has this thread greatly helped me gather very informed, clever and helpful feedback from quite a few participants, but it's also gotten me motivated to either check out or re-watch a good number of extremely entertaining eighties films, too! Nothin' wrong with that. 😉

Oh, and this list was needing more women on it, was it? Well, here's a glaring oversight on my part that will now be properly corrected with this latest submission:

TESS McGILL (Melanie Griffith, "Working Girl") It was bad enough that true corporate executive opportunities were rare for most women of the eighties; to be blockaded by one of your own gender must have been supremely frustrating. Thoroughly imposing presence Sigourney Weaver resents your youth and blonde cuteness, sensing a potential threat in the mix, so she hijacks your best business idea and passes it off as her own. What do you do? Well, if you're a tried-and-true Renaissance-type eighties film tush-tanner like Melanie, you turn the tables on your scheming superior and pretend that you're her! AND you win Harrison Ford's heart in the process? Kudos indeed to a true working WOMAN and character that will merit strong consideration for inclusion on the final roster, gender regardless.
 
OK, I've considered the ladies of the decade and have a few suggestions. But first I wanted to thank you TIE for your kind words in your previous posts. I just happen to fondly remember the 80's and I enjoy lists like this where people can't always go with the obvious choices. Those obvious ones often overshadow worthy contenders, but then again obvious choices are obvious for a reason, alas.

Nancy Thompson - (Heather Lagenkamp / Nightmare on Elm Street) - Like in Halloween this movie held high the nobility of the pure woman to whom strength is granted to accomplish difficult tasks. Like, Laurie the virgin queen who fought back against Michael Meyers Nancy just would not give up. She used intelligence, cunning and courage to defeat Freddy in the first and best movie of the series. In addition I just to include the fact that I had the biggest crush on Heather back in the 80's for her role, not only in Nightmare, but for her role on Just the Ten of Us and she starred in a ZZ Top video (great 80's credentials).

Regina 'Reggie' Belmont - (Catherine Mary Stewart / Night of the Comet) - Reggie was your typical valley girl who with her sister Sam (the lovely Kelli Maroney) survive humanity's near end when the Earth passes through the tale of a comet. Most people were turned into a dust a few unlucky ones were turned into... zombies. The truly unlucky survived the passing unscathed. Reggie and her sister survive in this post apocalyptic world to find Chakotay from Voyager also known as Robert Beltran. They survive the zombie menace and set upon repopulating the world. You may also recognize Cathy from her role as the girlfriend in The Last Starfighter. (Hmm... who could qualify for the list from that movie.)

Wanda Curtis - (Jamie Lee Curtis / A Fish Called Wanda) - Yes, Wanda may have a little criminal activity in her past. But in the world of thieves is there truly heroes and villains. Wanda is bright, resourceful, witty, a jewel thief, but she also found love. What could she have accomplished in life if she always had her newly found moral compass. And to think when I first saw the movie I thought that the Wanda was the fish.
 
Tron- Its 1982. Video games are hot, the Atari 2600 is blowing up the American middle class, and something called a "home computer" is popping up in households across the country. Its still "us" against "them", a wall literally dividing the east and west. Tron was emblematic of the time, not a man but the product of good ol' American ingenuity. And how would combating an evil empire best be done in 1982? By playing deadly, scaled-up versions of pong and snafu of course. What screams more 80's hero than that?
 
Taxwaxus, that's ingenious!

You're the first participant to submit more of a "concept" than an actual character, which makes the selection all the more wry and shrewd. Everything that movie stood for was VERY eighties indeed, so many facets of the plot and storyline perfectly iconic and emblematic of that entire decade. Excellent choice, and thanks for offering it up!

And FD, you're truly welcome, man, not to mention great job again on your most recent three nominations. I gotta admit I'm somewhat embarrassed that all three of those ladies slipped past my clearly fritzy radar, particularly Curtis because I thought Wanda was hilarious! I'm like you in that I found so much about the eighties pop culture to be just completely addicting and riveting, but all of your suggestions for this thread have been outstanding, and I can't thank you enough for all of your great contributions. Let's keep going and see how many more all of us can come up with that thus far have eluded us! 😉
 
Thought I'd update where we stand so far, gang:

And thanks to EVERYONE that's contributed to making this thread and topic a truly epic one, covering an almost universally epic theme: movies of the eighties and their top Renaissance-style ass-kickers! Here are some of the particular numbers and stats we've reached thus far:

Nominees: 61 lol (Thanks, everybody!)
Different contributors: 9
Most contributions: Tongue Inch EEK, 28; FeatherDaemon, 13; Rox my Sox, 10 (a couple of hers were either actual superheroes or actual villains, but I hadn't posted the thread's "ground rules" in quite some time at that point); Isabeau, 3
Male nominees: 50 (82%)
Female nominees: 11 (18%)
Top actor/actress nominated: Harrison Ford, 3 times (Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Rick Deckard ("Blade Runner"))
Movies with most nominees: The Princess Bride, 3; Return of the Jedi, 2; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 2; Ghostbusters, 2; Back to the Future, 2

Thanks once more to everyone that's helped make this thread a very inspirational one. 🙂 It's gonna be hard to whittle down the 61 we have to date (plus any more we get later on, obviously, and I'm gonna try my best to personally limit myself so a larger percentage of suggestions can come from other folks 😉 ) down to the Final Top Twenty-Five, but the process oughta be very fun indeed! Let's keep pluggin' away, gang!
 
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