Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say

[goddess_nemesis]

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

**********

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

**********

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

**********

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

**********

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

**********

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

**********

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

**********

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

**********

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

**********

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

**********

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

**********

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

**********

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

**********

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

**********

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

**********

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

**********

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

 

[milagros317]

LMAO 😛
Especially at this one. 😀

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

 

[isabeau]

nemesis i'm soooooo ashamed of you...first attack the blonde...now my state????? tsk tsk tsk .....lol....

 

[Mastertank1]

A get well card we'll never see;

Your surgery is in the past;
we all knew you would win!
But someone should have told your doc
how keen it would have been
If they could pull your insides out,
and stuff your outsides in!

 

[Dianatklee]

These are great and I have some people in mind for some of them. What store is this again?