It's getting close to Christmas, and everybody I know on Wall Street is still looking for a job. We all have the same resumes. the same inflated job titles. We all claim to have handled big clients, and nobody believes us anymore. I've been to twenty interviews at least, with each one at a smaller and smaller company for lower and lower pay. It's humiliating. In fact, I actually said that at my last interview, and that was a big mistake.
I was late, for starters. I walked in the lobby at 4:50 for a 4:30 interview. the secretary was obviously ready to go home. She didn't want to buzz me in. I held my hands together, as in prayer, and she finally pushed the button and the buzzer rang. I opened the door.
"We're closed," she said.
"I'm sorry. I had an appointment."
"Well, everybody's gone."
"I had an interview with Abby Galvin."
"Oh." She paused. "That's me."
"I'm soo sorry I'm late. The interstate --"
"Forget it. You obviously didn't want the job."
"B-but I do. I really want this job. Any job."
"Any job?"
Oops. I'm supposed to say that this is the only job I want in the whole world, and it's the best company on Earth. "this is humiliating..." I whispered.
"Humiliating?" She asked. Humiliating?!!"
Aw dammit. She heard me. "I--I'm sorry. I meant to say..."
"Come here."
She walked out of the reception area, down a hall. I followed. She led me to the break room, where there were white tables lined up next to snack and soda machines, and a microwave.
Okay, let me ask you this: what's more humiliating - my being forced to wait twenty minutes for my last appointment, or you applying for a job?
"Uhh-uh...your being forced --"
That's right. Waiting for a no show when I own the ------- company! And what should I get for that? What reward do I get for waiting so long?"
I had no answer.
"okay, I'll tell you the reward. You get to be humiliated. You get to be just as humiliated as I was the last twenty minutes. So, what's it going to be? Do you want the job interview?
"Y-y-yes, yes I do."
"Okay. Strip."
"What?"
"Strip. Right now."
"Uh,uh..."
"Or I will tickle the crap out of you. Strip or be tickled. Your choice."
I hesitated, and sure enough she came around that lunch table so fast I didn't have time to put my arms out. She grabbed at my waist, and I collapsed when the sensation of helpless laughter exploded out of my throat.
"HA Hawwhawhawwaaahhaaaaaa no no nooohaahaa..."
She attacked like I had done something much worse. It wasn't fair. She pulled me to the floor and climbed on top of me, raking her fingernails into my stomach and brushing my hands away when I tried to stop her. She reached up to my neck and brushed against it, and when it twitched, and I put my hands up to stop her, she lunged forward so her shoulders were at my armpits, and I couldn't protect my ribs. She grabbed my belly now, completely in control, and I had no choice but to beg and beg her to stop.
"na''nah'nooo staaahhhp hahahaaaaahhhaaaawawaahhha ---"
"Sorry, you made your choice."
"St--str--strihhhhhahahaaaa"
"What? What was that?"
I caught my breath. "Strip." I took another breath "I'll strip."
She climbed off me. She even pulled me up. But sure enough she had an expectant look in her eyes, like I was not getting away.
"Well?" She crossed her arms.
I took a breath, and unbuttoned my shirt. I tugged off the tie. Then undid the top buttons, and off came the shirt. My t-shirt was a little wet with sweat, so I kicked off my loafers and looked up at her.
"Keep going."
I took off the t-shirt, and looked up at her again, but she was not satisfied. Did I really want this job?
"okay, we're done," she said. "You don't get the --"
"Hold it," I said. "I really want this job."
I undid my buckle, and yank at the belt, then pulled down my slacks until they were at my ankles. I looked at her once more. Just as she was turning to open the break room door, I yanked at my boxers, and let them fall. i stepped away from my clothes, wearing just my socks now. But that was not enough. She frowned, and opened the break room door, and as she did so another woman, older - maybe by ten years, walked in on us.
"Uh,--uh, Ms. Galvin.. I was just..uh.."
"Why is this man naked! What are you two doing?"
"It -it was a -aa -- job interview," I said.
"A job interview? With my receptionist?"
The girl started to leave, but Ms. Galvin stopped her. She stared at the receptionist. "You were doing the tickle strip job interview? But that was just a joke I told you! You weren't supposed --" and then she stopped.
She looked at me. "You chose to strip?"
"uh,,uh--" it was all i could say.
Ms. Galvin understood. "Sooo," she said, glancing at the secretary, "How ticklish is he?"
I was late, for starters. I walked in the lobby at 4:50 for a 4:30 interview. the secretary was obviously ready to go home. She didn't want to buzz me in. I held my hands together, as in prayer, and she finally pushed the button and the buzzer rang. I opened the door.
"We're closed," she said.
"I'm sorry. I had an appointment."
"Well, everybody's gone."
"I had an interview with Abby Galvin."
"Oh." She paused. "That's me."
"I'm soo sorry I'm late. The interstate --"
"Forget it. You obviously didn't want the job."
"B-but I do. I really want this job. Any job."
"Any job?"
Oops. I'm supposed to say that this is the only job I want in the whole world, and it's the best company on Earth. "this is humiliating..." I whispered.
"Humiliating?" She asked. Humiliating?!!"
Aw dammit. She heard me. "I--I'm sorry. I meant to say..."
"Come here."
She walked out of the reception area, down a hall. I followed. She led me to the break room, where there were white tables lined up next to snack and soda machines, and a microwave.
Okay, let me ask you this: what's more humiliating - my being forced to wait twenty minutes for my last appointment, or you applying for a job?
"Uhh-uh...your being forced --"
That's right. Waiting for a no show when I own the ------- company! And what should I get for that? What reward do I get for waiting so long?"
I had no answer.
"okay, I'll tell you the reward. You get to be humiliated. You get to be just as humiliated as I was the last twenty minutes. So, what's it going to be? Do you want the job interview?
"Y-y-yes, yes I do."
"Okay. Strip."
"What?"
"Strip. Right now."
"Uh,uh..."
"Or I will tickle the crap out of you. Strip or be tickled. Your choice."
I hesitated, and sure enough she came around that lunch table so fast I didn't have time to put my arms out. She grabbed at my waist, and I collapsed when the sensation of helpless laughter exploded out of my throat.
"HA Hawwhawhawwaaahhaaaaaa no no nooohaahaa..."
She attacked like I had done something much worse. It wasn't fair. She pulled me to the floor and climbed on top of me, raking her fingernails into my stomach and brushing my hands away when I tried to stop her. She reached up to my neck and brushed against it, and when it twitched, and I put my hands up to stop her, she lunged forward so her shoulders were at my armpits, and I couldn't protect my ribs. She grabbed my belly now, completely in control, and I had no choice but to beg and beg her to stop.
"na''nah'nooo staaahhhp hahahaaaaahhhaaaawawaahhha ---"
"Sorry, you made your choice."
"St--str--strihhhhhahahaaaa"
"What? What was that?"
I caught my breath. "Strip." I took another breath "I'll strip."
She climbed off me. She even pulled me up. But sure enough she had an expectant look in her eyes, like I was not getting away.
"Well?" She crossed her arms.
I took a breath, and unbuttoned my shirt. I tugged off the tie. Then undid the top buttons, and off came the shirt. My t-shirt was a little wet with sweat, so I kicked off my loafers and looked up at her.
"Keep going."
I took off the t-shirt, and looked up at her again, but she was not satisfied. Did I really want this job?
"okay, we're done," she said. "You don't get the --"
"Hold it," I said. "I really want this job."
I undid my buckle, and yank at the belt, then pulled down my slacks until they were at my ankles. I looked at her once more. Just as she was turning to open the break room door, I yanked at my boxers, and let them fall. i stepped away from my clothes, wearing just my socks now. But that was not enough. She frowned, and opened the break room door, and as she did so another woman, older - maybe by ten years, walked in on us.
"Uh,--uh, Ms. Galvin.. I was just..uh.."
"Why is this man naked! What are you two doing?"
"It -it was a -aa -- job interview," I said.
"A job interview? With my receptionist?"
The girl started to leave, but Ms. Galvin stopped her. She stared at the receptionist. "You were doing the tickle strip job interview? But that was just a joke I told you! You weren't supposed --" and then she stopped.
She looked at me. "You chose to strip?"
"uh,,uh--" it was all i could say.
Ms. Galvin understood. "Sooo," she said, glancing at the secretary, "How ticklish is he?"
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