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Ticklish Julie

ovrec

Registered User
Joined
Apr 3, 2003
Messages
26
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1
Below is my first attempt at writing a story. I kind of wrote it all in one go and decided rather than proof reading it a million times or editing I would release it the way it is. Let me know what you think.

This is kind of a more realistic fantasy I have had about a co-worker of mine. Piscary's Pizza is a fictional place with no relation to Piscary's Pizza from the Hollows series other then the name 🙂

"Piscary's Pizza today?" questioned Julez, slapping her shoe on the ground as usual. They make the loudest slapping noise because she never fastens the ankle straps that hold them tightly to her foot. It is very difficult to concentrate whenever she walks past because with every step there is that telltale slap and I just imagine how it must look.

"Sure Jul that sounds great, anyone else want to come?" I quetion looking at my workmates.

After a bunch of no thank yous it is just Julie and I going off for some pizza at lunch. Since she does not have a car, we agree to take mine. Julie is a big tease and for some reason she loves to show off her feet whenever she can. Not fastening the straps on her shoes are just one of her many methods of directing attention there. When she sits down she tends to kick off her shoes and work barefoot, so whenever she needs to get up there is a little delay as she slides them on. It is very erotic to watch. She also tends to take them off in people's cars and basically just show them to everyone as if she is carving a big sign on them saying "Tickle Me". But for the first time it is just me and her going to lunch.

In the car we talk about Microsoft Excel. She was having some trouble with some financial formulas in excel recently but I managed to create a Macro to fix them all and save her hours of work. In the middle of our conversation her bare foot is on my dashboard. Usually one of our co-workers makes a comment about it and she puts it back down, but today all is quiet. Her foot is a nice tan from all the time she spends on the beach with beautiful long toenails in her natural white color. Her 29 year old skin is full of these very sexy brown freckles which give her skin an exotic look. Her legs are muscular and thin all the way up to her knee length skirt, giving sweet promises of what her thighs might look like. Already the skin on the top of her foot has goosebumps maybe from the cool air of the air conditioner. I have to make a comment, "When I was in college, a pair of feet up like that would be a hand engraved invitation for a thorough tickling".

"And now?" she replies with a hint of excitement in her voice.

I reach over and very barely touch the tips of my fingers to her soul lightly stroking up and down. "They still are."

"hehehehehehe hijo de puta that tickles" Julez says through the laughter. She has an extremely loud laugh, not annoying but loud in volume and full bodied. With her South American accent the laugh is just too good to ignore.

"So why is it that your feet are always out, do you want to be tickled?", I trace over her soul again with the tips of my fingernails raking from her heel to just before her does and then down again, varying the dance.

"It's just hot out and I don't want my feet to sweat and smell. hahahahahaha oooh oooooh"

I spread her big toe and middle toe apart and gently started tickling with my fingernail the area between her toes and she couldn't take it. "Julez you do it in the winter as well, don't tell me it is hot in the winter."

"Yes I really enjoy this ooooooooooooh don't stop."

"Are your feet your only ticklish spot?", I reply also getting a bit excited. The silence that follows says a lot. I tickle along her ankle and the top of her foot eliciting some giggles and more goosebumps. I wish I could just rip all her clothes off right here and attack her waist, thighs, underarms, bellybutton, tummy, and everything else. But we are at work and she is my co-worker, so I swallow my fantasy and try to keep it as cool and as relaxed as possible.

After pulling into the far part of the parking lot of Piscary's pizza and putting the car in park I go after her. My fingers tickle along her calves and behind her knee and she laughs her full bodied laugh even louder and starts to buck like a wild animal. Her squeals could make someone deaf. Unfortunately her one piece black dress makes it difficult to attack her upper body. Nevertheless I start to dig into her ribs through her shirt and she screams that she gives and I let up on her.

"Wow that was a great workout." she exclaims a bit tired. I look at her hair that is completely a mess and the few beads of sweat on her face and am taken by her raw beauty.

I suggest, "Well that was fun, let me buy you lunch after taking all that, it's the least I can do." I also hand her a paper towel from the glove box for her to wipe herself down with.

Finally we walk into the restaurant for lunch. As soon as we sit down, I hear the sound of her shoes hitting the ground and feel a foot resting on my knee.......
 
Hi, ovrec,

I think it's pretty good; I appreciated your proper conventions and the emotional effect when Julie says "and now?" worked. I can tell you have this intention to convey the emotional buildup that the guy must be experiencing.

That said, I think you could have expanded it a lot with more details and analysis of moments on the part of the guy, and try to build rapport between him and the reader. A few of the things you added-- like some of the descriptions of the sights and sounds and the thing about Excel-- made him seem somewhat more human. You gave some details about Julie too, but it'd be nice to have known more about what made her quirky and appealing in normal life. Stuff you write goes by much more quickly when you're reading it.

Anyway; please feel encouraged to write more.
 


Very nice ovrec!!

I thought the length itself was perfect. I agree with Coda though on expanding the content. There was a little more I feel you could've added but then again, perhaps no changes are needed because every good story, long or short, leaves the reader wanting more and this is exactly how I feel right now after having read this.

Please do write more.
 
Very nice. I agree, the content could use a bit more....but for a first attempt this is very good. I'd like to see more from you.

And of course, the use of first person/present tense is something I'm seeing a lot more take a chance on using....and this pleases me greatly as a writer.
 
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