Todays News

[Limeoutsider]

A man went skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seemed like days, he was ready to go. Excited, he jumped out of the airplane.

About five seconds later, he pulled the ripcord. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. He started to panic, but remembered his back-up chute. He pulled that cord. Nothing happened. He frantically began yanking both cords to no avail.

Suddenly he looked down, and he couldn't believe his eyes. Another man was in the air with him, but this guy was going up! Just as the other guy passed by, the skydiver yelled, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yelled back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

 

[Limeoutsider]

You Might be a redneck IF (kinda not a joke)

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a
reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home,
family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who
threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and
grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel
the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya'
are...
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by
the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10
Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter
Festival."
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart
when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect,
and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't
afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids
to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like
me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those
talked about in this email.
God Bless the USA!

 

[milagros317]

LOL 😛 at the first one, which is really a joke. 😀

 

[Limeoutsider]

oops meant to be 2 different threds

 

[His Divine Shadow]

The first one reminds me of a scene on TV, although I can't place the show. Coming from one who lives amongst rednecks, 'tis surprising how true a great many of the second's points are.