Does this sound at all like you?
I've been a 'ler'/'lee, at least in orientation, all my life. However, because I'm socially dominant and typically expected to be sexually dominant, most of my tickling experiences have been 'ler-related. Yet, my 'lee fantasies have often been among my most powerful. But here's the problem - while my 'lee fantasies involve being tied and tickled to the point of extreme torture, I am simply too ticklish to go through with it. I have had many opportunities to realize my 'lee fantasies, but I usually chicken out at the last minute and opt for 'sensual tickling' (i.e., slow, light feather action) or convince the torturer to stop and unite me - even seconds into it. Admittedly, I've even paid good money to professionals, and then backed out of actual torture once the session is under way. It's such a dichotomy. I'm intensely aroused while fantasizing about being tickle tortured. However, I either hate, or am absolutely terrified of actual tickle torture.
Last week, I had tickle dreams that must have lasted hours one night. Maybe it was something I ate. Maybe I was exhausted from working too hard. I tossed and turned in half-sleep/half-wake mode with dreams of being tickle tortured. At one point, I was fully asleep and suffering through a tickling-related nightmare. I can only call it a nightmare. I woke up with my heart-pounding. Like other nightmares, I laid there for the first few moments, wondering if the 'montsers' were real and still in the room. I was afraid. I was briefly catatonic. The nightmare was....NOT....pleasant.
However...I did get aroused..after the nightmare. It was more because I began to reminisce. I wasn't in the midst of it.
I'm really hoping that some experience will resolve this dichotomy some day. It's extremely frustrating to be so intensely desirable of something that I also so intensely avoid or am too sensitive to handle.
I've been a 'ler'/'lee, at least in orientation, all my life. However, because I'm socially dominant and typically expected to be sexually dominant, most of my tickling experiences have been 'ler-related. Yet, my 'lee fantasies have often been among my most powerful. But here's the problem - while my 'lee fantasies involve being tied and tickled to the point of extreme torture, I am simply too ticklish to go through with it. I have had many opportunities to realize my 'lee fantasies, but I usually chicken out at the last minute and opt for 'sensual tickling' (i.e., slow, light feather action) or convince the torturer to stop and unite me - even seconds into it. Admittedly, I've even paid good money to professionals, and then backed out of actual torture once the session is under way. It's such a dichotomy. I'm intensely aroused while fantasizing about being tickle tortured. However, I either hate, or am absolutely terrified of actual tickle torture.
Last week, I had tickle dreams that must have lasted hours one night. Maybe it was something I ate. Maybe I was exhausted from working too hard. I tossed and turned in half-sleep/half-wake mode with dreams of being tickle tortured. At one point, I was fully asleep and suffering through a tickling-related nightmare. I can only call it a nightmare. I woke up with my heart-pounding. Like other nightmares, I laid there for the first few moments, wondering if the 'montsers' were real and still in the room. I was afraid. I was briefly catatonic. The nightmare was....NOT....pleasant.
However...I did get aroused..after the nightmare. It was more because I began to reminisce. I wasn't in the midst of it.
I'm really hoping that some experience will resolve this dichotomy some day. It's extremely frustrating to be so intensely desirable of something that I also so intensely avoid or am too sensitive to handle.
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