About 10 years ago, some friends at work and I would try coming up with Letterman style Top Ten lists. Somebody would pick a topic and do numbers 10 and 9, then the next guy would do 8 and 7, etc. Some were lame, but others not too bad. Anyway here are the Top Ten Promotional Activities Most Quickly Rejected by McDonalds:
10) In keeping up with the times, McDonald's unveils the new OJ burger. It's meat is not ground beef, but rather slashed beef served in a bloody glove-shaped recyclable container.
9) In an attempt to compete in an increasingly gay market, Ronald McDonald "comes out of the closet" and announces a wedding engagement to the Ham Burglar.
8) For the Hispanic market, the "McTaco" was suggested. The only problem was that the McTaco called for fresh ground beef, and no one in the organization had the slightest idea of where to get it.
7) In order to keep the urban patronage secure, they make a commercial with Ronald McDonald and Homey the Clown perpetrating drive-by shootings at Wendy's, Burger King, Hardee's, etc. After the carnage they stop the car, and with Ronald in the passenger seat looking bad and defiant, Homey looks out his window into the camera and says, "Mickey D's. We bedda not catch ya anyplace else!"
6) McDonald's new line of free glasses featuring the most notorious mass murderers of all time. This week will be the Jeffrey Dahmer tumbler which is coated with a special acid that eats your fingers.
5) Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry will be designated as official spokesman for McDonalds. "This city gave me a break," will be Barry's main thrust. "You deserve one as well."
4) Chicken McFaggots. No difference from McNuggets except they don't ever go cold. If you don't get to them in 15 minutes or less, they eat each other.
3) The McKosher Meal. The only item they offer where you get to haggle over the price.
2) A join promotional co-venture between McDonalds and Charmin. A combination burger-eating and shit-wiping contest. Among the contestants will be Willard Scott (the original Ronald McDonald) and Mr. Whipple.
1) Middle East Week. Customers who come in get a free turban and prizes are awarded for the ones who can be the most rude and incoherent. The gifts include bottles of synthetic body odor, skin grease, loud polyester clothes and neck wigs.
10) In keeping up with the times, McDonald's unveils the new OJ burger. It's meat is not ground beef, but rather slashed beef served in a bloody glove-shaped recyclable container.
9) In an attempt to compete in an increasingly gay market, Ronald McDonald "comes out of the closet" and announces a wedding engagement to the Ham Burglar.
8) For the Hispanic market, the "McTaco" was suggested. The only problem was that the McTaco called for fresh ground beef, and no one in the organization had the slightest idea of where to get it.
7) In order to keep the urban patronage secure, they make a commercial with Ronald McDonald and Homey the Clown perpetrating drive-by shootings at Wendy's, Burger King, Hardee's, etc. After the carnage they stop the car, and with Ronald in the passenger seat looking bad and defiant, Homey looks out his window into the camera and says, "Mickey D's. We bedda not catch ya anyplace else!"
6) McDonald's new line of free glasses featuring the most notorious mass murderers of all time. This week will be the Jeffrey Dahmer tumbler which is coated with a special acid that eats your fingers.
5) Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry will be designated as official spokesman for McDonalds. "This city gave me a break," will be Barry's main thrust. "You deserve one as well."
4) Chicken McFaggots. No difference from McNuggets except they don't ever go cold. If you don't get to them in 15 minutes or less, they eat each other.
3) The McKosher Meal. The only item they offer where you get to haggle over the price.
2) A join promotional co-venture between McDonalds and Charmin. A combination burger-eating and shit-wiping contest. Among the contestants will be Willard Scott (the original Ronald McDonald) and Mr. Whipple.
1) Middle East Week. Customers who come in get a free turban and prizes are awarded for the ones who can be the most rude and incoherent. The gifts include bottles of synthetic body odor, skin grease, loud polyester clothes and neck wigs.
