Dave2112
Level of Cherry Feather
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- Apr 17, 2001
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This week's Top Ten list is not of my own creation, although I was thinking of something like this. Credit here goes to AOL sportswriter Jim Armstrong, who wrote a far better list than I could have. 
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Presenting the top 10 reasons why it's great to be alive and an NFL fan this weekend:
10. No more chick flicks
I can't speak for every NFL fan out there, but I'm chick flicked out. One more chick flick and I was going to put potpourri in my boxer shorts. I've had to suffer through one every weekend since the Super Bowl ended. When I'm not at the theater watching a chick flick, I'm watching a re-run of one at home. I like Meg Ryan as much as the next guy, but how many times can you watch the ''I'll have what she's having'' scene at the diner? All in all, I'd rather watch a bunch of hairy wide bodies beat the dog snot out of each other in the pits.
9. The friendly wagers
Those gold-plated toilets in Saddam Hussein's palace? He got the idea from a bookie in the United States. OK, so most people don't actually win when they bet on the NFL. That doesn't mean they won't keep doing it. What else are we supposed to do, bet on WNBA games? That's about as fun as a tax audit.
8. The red zone
No, not that red zone, the stretch of field from the 20-yard line to the end zone. I'm talking about the shelf in your fridge where you keep your amber beer.
7. Terrell Owens
Say what you will about the guy, but give him this: There's never a dull moment with T.O. around. Now if he would just lose that obnoxious agent of his.
6. The Saints
They say the Saints don't have a home. Excuse me? If any NFL team can lay claim to the title of America's Team, it's these guys. Is there anybody outside the city whose team they're playing who won't be pulling for the Saints this season? You geaux, guys.
5. The parties
So you've been trying to figure out how to tell your neighbor, in a nice kind of way, that you've had it with his dog doing its duty on your lawn. Invite him to your house for the game, bubba. It's a great way to break the ice. Who knows? Maybe you'll end up swapping wives and writing tell-all letters to some girlie magazine.
4. John Madden
Granted, the image of a 300-pound man wearing makeup is a little hard to take. But you've got to hand it to Madden, every NFL fan's rogue uncle. He has made it big in an industry usually reserved for pretty boys. The season doesn't officially begin until big John bellows out his first ''Boom!''
3. Fantasy leagues
Every fantasy leaguer knows that YAC stands for Yards after Catch. But what about YAG - You're A Geek. Not that there's anything wrong with being a fantasy leaguer. I happen to be in two fantasy leagues, but only because the other one I wanted to join didn't have room. We have our draft tonight and I'll be bringing all the essentials: beer, munchies, a fantasy-league magazine, beer and munchies.
2. The parity
Repeat after me, America: Parity is good. Every team has a chance in the NFL, unlike baseball, where the Yankees and Red Sox buy all the best players, leaving the other teams to luck out once a decade and win the World Series. OK, so the Patriots have won three of the last four Super Bowls. But they did it because they made better decisions than the other 31 teams, not because they had Boardwalk and Park Place and everybody else had Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue.
1. Bill Belichick's wardrobe
Talk about drama. You know going in that the Patriots are going to win most weekends. Question is, will Boring Bill wear his blue sweatshirt or the gray one he borrowed from the Unabomber?
****************************************
Presenting the top 10 reasons why it's great to be alive and an NFL fan this weekend:
10. No more chick flicks
I can't speak for every NFL fan out there, but I'm chick flicked out. One more chick flick and I was going to put potpourri in my boxer shorts. I've had to suffer through one every weekend since the Super Bowl ended. When I'm not at the theater watching a chick flick, I'm watching a re-run of one at home. I like Meg Ryan as much as the next guy, but how many times can you watch the ''I'll have what she's having'' scene at the diner? All in all, I'd rather watch a bunch of hairy wide bodies beat the dog snot out of each other in the pits.
9. The friendly wagers
Those gold-plated toilets in Saddam Hussein's palace? He got the idea from a bookie in the United States. OK, so most people don't actually win when they bet on the NFL. That doesn't mean they won't keep doing it. What else are we supposed to do, bet on WNBA games? That's about as fun as a tax audit.
8. The red zone
No, not that red zone, the stretch of field from the 20-yard line to the end zone. I'm talking about the shelf in your fridge where you keep your amber beer.
7. Terrell Owens
Say what you will about the guy, but give him this: There's never a dull moment with T.O. around. Now if he would just lose that obnoxious agent of his.
6. The Saints
They say the Saints don't have a home. Excuse me? If any NFL team can lay claim to the title of America's Team, it's these guys. Is there anybody outside the city whose team they're playing who won't be pulling for the Saints this season? You geaux, guys.
5. The parties
So you've been trying to figure out how to tell your neighbor, in a nice kind of way, that you've had it with his dog doing its duty on your lawn. Invite him to your house for the game, bubba. It's a great way to break the ice. Who knows? Maybe you'll end up swapping wives and writing tell-all letters to some girlie magazine.
4. John Madden
Granted, the image of a 300-pound man wearing makeup is a little hard to take. But you've got to hand it to Madden, every NFL fan's rogue uncle. He has made it big in an industry usually reserved for pretty boys. The season doesn't officially begin until big John bellows out his first ''Boom!''
3. Fantasy leagues
Every fantasy leaguer knows that YAC stands for Yards after Catch. But what about YAG - You're A Geek. Not that there's anything wrong with being a fantasy leaguer. I happen to be in two fantasy leagues, but only because the other one I wanted to join didn't have room. We have our draft tonight and I'll be bringing all the essentials: beer, munchies, a fantasy-league magazine, beer and munchies.
2. The parity
Repeat after me, America: Parity is good. Every team has a chance in the NFL, unlike baseball, where the Yankees and Red Sox buy all the best players, leaving the other teams to luck out once a decade and win the World Series. OK, so the Patriots have won three of the last four Super Bowls. But they did it because they made better decisions than the other 31 teams, not because they had Boardwalk and Park Place and everybody else had Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue.
1. Bill Belichick's wardrobe
Talk about drama. You know going in that the Patriots are going to win most weekends. Question is, will Boring Bill wear his blue sweatshirt or the gray one he borrowed from the Unabomber?
