Top Ten Sure Fire Ways To Get Out of Jury Duty

[drew70]

About 10 years ago, some friends at work and I would try coming up with Letterman style Top Ten lists. Somebody would pick a topic and do numbers 10 and 9, then the next guy would do 8 and 7, etc. Some were lame, but others not too bad. Anyway here are the Top Ten Sure Fire Ways To Get Out of Jury Duty:

10) Show up in a T-shirt with a thumbs up on it that says CAPITAL PUNISHMENT and with an inbred redneck drawl ask the interviewer, "Can I git on a murder trial?"

9) Sneeze as hard as you can and say to the interviewer, "Excuse be please. I'b a a bit under the weather, but by doctor says SARS isn't contageous, so not to worry."

8) Confide to the interviewer, "A man in a black robe gives me the most intense boner.....When do I get to meet the judge?"

7) Causually mention that "I'm a postal carrier, and the job really has me stressed to my limit. Jury duty should give me the opportunity to reflect on what I can do to convey my rage."

6) Show up naked.

5) Acknowlege that "Tuesday's okay as long as we wrap it up by 4 pm. The mother ship is coming at 5 and it's crucial I'm there to greet them."

4) Take a bunch of religious tracts with you and pass them out, making sure not to forget the judge and bailiff.

3) Keep a finger in your nose the entire time.

2) When the interview is starting to wind down, interrupt the interviewer suddendly by saying, "Oh, one thing I just remembered. I lost my colostomy bag this weekend. I'm going to need a bucket or something next to me."

1) Take the front of a doll house with you, hold it in front of your face, and talk to the interviewer through the little door. And make him knock first.

 

[DEV]

4) Take a bunch of religious tracts with you and pass them out, making sure not to forget the judge and bailiff.

Under Bush that'll instantly get you on the jury.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

I have a friend who simply said, "Of course he's guilty. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't." DISMISSED!

Ann

 

[milagros317]

LMAO 😛
Very funny, Drew. 😀

 

[bratgirl365]

thank you, now i have some excuses for the next time i'm called!

 

[TKpervert]

I have a friend who simply said, "Of course he's guilty. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't." DISMISSED!
Ann

LIKE IT !!! Just make sure to say that to the defense lawyer, not the prosecution.
You'll be home in time for lunch.

 

[steph]

too funny!

 

[Dave2112]

Funny stuff, Drew! I liked this one...have to use one of those someday...

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I know several people who would love to try number six.

 

[Newcastle Uni]

Get out of Jury Duty. How 'bout some of these

1) Say that you'd love to be on the jury and even the voices inside your head agree.

2) At the end of the interview lean closer to the interviewer, whisper "don't worry, you'll get the result you want" then tap your nose conspiringly and take your leave

3) Show up dressed like micheal Jackson and say in a high pitched but excitable voice "i like to sleep with children!"

4) Say, I'd love to be on the Jury but my probation officer isn't too sure.

5) When the interviewer starts asking you some personal questions, move closer to him, stroke his leg with your hairy, man-size feet and say in the most seducing way that you can "how about we discuss this over a drink". This works best if when asking for your ID, you rub it on your crotch before smelling it and passing it to the guy who will surely not recommend you

6) If the accused is a black man, show up in a white robe. For extra effect, why not carry a copy of Mein Kampf and take every opportunity to talk about what you and the Klan got up to in Arozona last week.

7) If the accused is a famous sportsman, why not turn up in the opposing team's Jersey and say "Oh man, I've been waiting for this since last septemeber".

8) If the accused is a burglar, why not turn up with a baseball bat and shout loudly and incoherently (but mainly loudly) about your missing TV and VCR

 

[drew70]

What an awesome augmentation to this audacious list! 😀 Thanks for sharing!

 

[tickleteasing]

I actually did this I went up to the Baliff and asked him how he handled the following situation:
1. Your in a courtroom and you have ONE baliff
2. The Baliff gets fined in contempt of court
Here is the question, who takes the Baliff away?

 

[Ovda]

I have a shirt that reads, "I'm sorry. You've mistaken me for someone who cares." I wore it once to jury duty and was not picked.