njjen3953
4th Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2001
- Messages
- 2,858
- Points
- 0
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged
lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener'."
---------
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
---------
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
patient.
---------
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
---------
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on
the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I
had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
-----------
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
-----------
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered ..."Why, not for about twenty years--- when my husband
was alive."
-----------
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged
lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener'."
---------
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
---------
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
patient.
---------
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
---------
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on
the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I
had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
-----------
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
-----------
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered ..."Why, not for about twenty years--- when my husband
was alive."
-----------
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
