Here is my War of the Worlds rant, which i have e-mailed to several people:
OK, War of the Worlds: I don’t think I’ve ever been so disappointed in a movie before. After the Greatest trailer of All Time, I was expecting a movie that even remotely made sense. This “plot” was constructed from a dart board or something.
The aliens came to earth, planted a bunch of machines in the ground, left, and came back a million years later to dig up the machines and wipe out people so they could spray their blood all over the place. Why the hell didn’t they just conquer the planet the first time they were here? And why wait for people to evolve as far as they did? Couldn’t they have just come here 500 years ago when we were running around with bows and arrows and swords and kill us all then? And they studied us for a million years yet they didn’t know anything about germs or bacteria, which are a fundamental part of human life? They obviously knew our blood was able to be used as fertilizer for those red weed things they wanted all over the planet. Well, our blood is full of bacteria and microbes. Studying humans for millions of year and not discovering germs would be like studying the ocean for a million years and not finding out about fish.
The whole EMP thing was done well in the beginning, but it was quickly forgotten about when it was convenient. Nothing worked, except for the car Tom Cruise needed. In ALL of New Jersey, there wasn’t one other person who knew what to replace in the car except for Tom Cruise? And when everybody’s cars were dying, did they all magically say to themselves “My car lost power, let me pull over and stop, because Tom Cruise is going to have to drive in a sea of unmoving vehicles, and he’s going to need a path.” I have been on the Jersey turnpike. If all the cars stopped, there is NO WAY IN HELL there would be a patch for one car to get through. You can’t get through on a Jersey highway if all the other cars are WORKING! If they are stalled out forget about it.
Why the hell did two camcorders keep working? The newswoman says to Tom Cruise: “Once the Tripods land, all news stops coming out of the area. Now come over here and watch new footage of the tripods.” What the fuck!?!
And the one hand held recorder that fell down and then the camera looked through the viewer thing on it? I think this was really shitty directing. I mean, Spielburg had done a good job up to that point of really creating a sense of panic and hysteria with people running around and freaking out, then he does his fancy little shot, and completely takes you out of the movie. It just killed the mood he had created. It would have been an interesting shot in another movie. It was certainly creative. but it did not belong in this movie.
And really, how many times did I need to see the overhead shot of Dakota Fanning looking up in the sky towards the camera. After like 6 times, I said “Enough already! Pick another shot composition!”
Tim Robbins, normally a good actor, was almost comedic in his portrayal of the nut case. And his entrance was just so over-the-top, it was almost like Spielburg said “And now ladies and gentlemen..... MR. TIM ROBBINS!!!” Also, a big deal was made of the fact that this story was told entirely from the point of view of Tom Cruise’s character. “If Tom doesn’t see it, neither do you.” was the quote Spielburg made over and over again. Then why the hell didn’t we see him beat Tim Robbins to death in that room? In fact, that would have made the movie worthwhile.
If you have rocket launchers, tanks, and missiles fired from helicopters, you are not going to make a dent in the aliens machinery. But if you are Tom Cruise with an axe, chop away!
Why the hell is the son still alive at the end??? I was so glad when that two-dimensional, stereotyped “angry teenager” got fried on that hill, I almost cried tears of joy. I was actually hoping Tom Cruise would say “You want to die? Go ahead. I’ll stay here and protect your sister, who’s actually a somewhat likeable character who the writers spent more than 3 seconds thinking of.”
What’s with the bodies Dakota Fanning sees floating in the blood red river? One body, I can understand. But hundreds of them? The Aliens were vaporizing people at first, leaving nothing but ash. Then they were sucking them up into their machinery and turning them to juice in a blender and spraying them. Where did all these bodies come from?
At the end of the movie, when Tom Cruise delivers his daughter to their mother, the mother, her new husband, and the grandparents are completely fine, in a house with all the electricity working. They look like they were in the middle of Sunday dinner. Nobody else has power because of the complete decimation of their communities, but these four people are living like nothing is happening. Did the aliens say “Destroy everything! Ecxept for the house of that pregnant woman in Boston! We like her!”
In the original story, the martians come to earth because their planet has been destroyed or rendered unlivable. They didn’t have time to study the Earth, they just showed up and started taking over. So when the germs take them out, it makes sense. In this story, they have been studying us forever, yet they just overlook one of the most obvious and vital parts of life on this planet. It just doesn’t make sense.
Bear in mind, these are the things that were going through my mind WHILE I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE. If I sat down and thought about it, I could probably think of hundreds of other things that were wrong with this movie. But I have more important things to do. So I’ll stop here.
Anyway, Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning were very good. The special effects were very good. The plot was non-existant. Spielburg tacked on a bullshit, Hollywood ending with the son being alive. And he constantly took me out of the movie with fancy shots and unexplained plot inconsistancies. If they had taken a little more time on the script, and didn’t rush production, this COULD have been a great movie. As it is, I give it 2 stars. The original was better. This had it’s moments, but there was too much wrong with it to really give it a higher rating.