There have been discussions on this board about ladies saying “I’m ticklish”. Seems like most of us agree that we shouldn’t assume that saying “I’m ticklish” does not mean that the lady wants to be tickled.
What about when a man says “I’m ticklish”?
I think context is everything here. All kinds of human engagement involve some level of risk or another, and the more physical ones often involve even more. Overall, explicit consent is the default rule we should all be using as our frame of reference. In the case of strangers, it virtually always makes sense to strictly adhere to that default, if not out of respect for the other persons autonomy and all the unknowns about them, certainly for how they may take it and what actions they may take against you. That being said, people make impassioned misjudgments all the time and some people are very forgiving of those even though they are wrong actions to take in principle. It’s a good idea not to touch people you don’t know.
If you do know them, it gets muddier. How you know them and your relationship with them can make all the difference, as well as their personality and so much more. In the context of knowing the person, there’s layered consent, implied consent, and pre-established consent. I don’t ask my wife if I can tickle her every time I do it. But if I tickle her for more than a brief moment, I really try to hone in on cues she gives about how she’s feeling about it. Some people are simply not good at this for whatever reason, and if they recognize that in themselves, they need to take responsibility for it and go the explicit route. But if they are good at it, how much you test depends upon things like how the person may have reacted to tickling in the past, how close you are to the person, whether it might be seen as inappropriate by them and pertinent parties, etc. There’s an almost infinite set of possibilities where it can feel wrong or right depending upon the context. I’ve followed the feeling in my gut about it and that has turned out very well over the years, but some others only listen to the feeling a little farther down from their gut and that might not work out as well.
All of this is my feeling on it regardless of gender. There are definitely cases where I wish a woman would have acted contrary to my suggestions above, but those were my personal unknown desires that do not justify it as a reasonable rule of practice. If a male stranger were to tickle me, I think they’d be confronted with a reaction they weren’t hoping for.
