I was originally typing this all out, in reply to Amnesiac's "Things" thread, but once I started getting into all the details of it, I realized that experiences like these are often far too priceless to include as a short answer to a series of questions. Hence, I decided to begin a whole new thread, devoted entirely to experiences and or sights we have encountered in our lifetimes, that are too priceless to keep to ourselves. Truly outrageously funny things that we seen or done, that make for great stories when in good company. Memories we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.
So I ask all of YOU, what is YOUR funniest experience?
Here is mine, and I swear to GOD, this is a true story....
Lazzy and I were up in far northern Wisconsin, visiting his family. Those of us who reside in Wisconsin and the surrounding areas, refer to this portion of Wisconsin as "The Northwoods". It is a popular tourist area for hunting, fishing, camping, winter sports, and other outdoorsy type activities.
The particular city we were visiting is called "Ashland, WI". It sits right on the shores of Lake Superior, and is truly a very gorgeous city. It's a city that is also 20 years behind the rest of the country. In fact, if you were to look up the word "Hick" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Ashland, WI right next to the definition.
My first knowledge of Ashland came via a home movie of Lazzy's. We were sorting through and watching home videos one day, and we came to one that was filmed at his grandparents house in Ashland. Lazzy and his younger brother Jeff were outside in the yard, goofing off and practicing some wrestling moves, when all of a sudden this TRACTOR comes flying down the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD doing at least 35 miles an hour. And what was worse, is that the driver was not even WATCHING where he was going! The dude was leaning WAY OVER the steering wheel, with a screwdriver in his hand, FIXING THE ENGINE as he sped past! I about crapped my pants! Two minutes later, the same idiot on the same tractor comes flying past, zooming down the road again. This time headed in the opposite direction. I don't know what was worse...the sight of this tractor driving down the road at 35 mph as if it was a car, with it's driver actually fixing it as he drove, or the fact that neither Lazzy nor his brother thought NOTHING UNUSUAL about this sight at all! Their only comment on the spectacle came via Jeff, who hollared out after the guy "HEY! That was a YIELD SIGN, buddy!!"
Anyway, back to my story...
As I stated above, my experience with this city and the people who live there came when we were visiting his family up in Ashland during the 4th of July weekend. We were all sitting in the living room of Lazzy's grandparents house, chatting away happily about miscelanous things, and passing the time until dinner was ready. A few of us got up to stretch our legs and walk around a bit, when Lazzy happened to peek out the window overlooking the street (the same street in which the tractor from the video was speeding down). Someone was outside blasting a horn and there was much noisy chatter taking place outside in the street. I myself wandered to the window at this point to see what the commotion was.
Pulling up in front of his grandparents house, right there in the middle of the street, is a large tractor (go figure). Not just ANY tractor, though. This tractor is towing a large trailer flatbed behind it. And (I shit you not), sitting on TOP of this flatbed, is a series of wooden benches, lawnchairs, and patio furniture. There are also about 20 people sitting ON these misc chairs, drinking beer, yelling at people walking around outside in their yards, and yacking amongst themselves.
Lazzy, upon seeing this outside, chuckled to himself, then announced to all of those present in the house: "Oh look! It's the Northwoods Shuttle Bus!" He meant it to be a humorous wise crack, one that landed me on the ground in a fit of hysterical laughter. Little did we know that those present in the house thought this was a BIG DEAL, and took his comment seriously. Immediately following Lazzy's announcement, there was a series of "WHOOPIE!" "HOORAH!" "OH, COOL!" "YAY!" and "OH, HURRY!"'s heard throughout the house, as his ENTIRE FAMILY formed a rushed conga line OUT THE BACK DOOR, all pushing and shoving and fighting to be the FIRST ONES aboard this makeshift tour bus!! I thought for sure I was going to piss my pants laughing as all these members of his family ran out into the street and clamored about trying to get up onto the trailer flatbed and find a place to sit down. His Aunt couldn't quite hoist her butt up there, so 2 or 3 gentlemen aboard helped launch her aboard. Once they all parked their bodies in a chair, or on the floor of the flatbed itself, this makeshift shuttle bus proceeded to take them all on a tour around downtown Ashland, down along the parade route.
I couldn't make this up if I tried, folks, seriously. This is real life, redneck style.
Just as my laughter had finally calmed down to the point that I could BREATHE again, the shuttle bus returned, and deposited the various members of Lazzy's family. I thought this was going to be the end of my "unbelievably stupid and outrageously funny northwoods experience", but I had yet to experience the "4TH OF JULY CAKE" ritual.
Throughout the whole day, we kept hearing all this talk about "THE CAKE". "I can't wait for THE CAKE!" "When are we going to the church to pick up THE CAKE?" "Just you guys wait until you try THE CAKE!" Honestly we were expecting some large, fancy production of a cake when they finally returned from the church with it after dinner. Instead, what we saw, as one of his family members carried THE CAKE throughout the entire house, so that every family member could see it and take PICTURES of it, was a plain yellow cake, sitting in a regular 9 X 13 cake pan, with white frosting, and decorated with blueberries and raspberries in some random fashion that was supposed to represent an american flag. Lazzy again had to comment (I think it was something along the lines of "what the hell is that supposed to be"), and his remarks were met by an outcry of "But it has JELLO in it!" by about 10 of his family members. Once more my stomach was overcome by that acute pain of extreme hysterical laughter and lack of oxygen. We were then given a 1 1/2 inch square of "THE CAKE" to sample. It was dry yellow cake, with a runny red syrup across the top, covered in a tasteless white frosting, with a single berry. Lazzy and I could only look at each other and shake our heads at this poor example of fine cuisine, while the rest of his family moaned orgasmically over this apparent rare and celebrated treat.
A word of warning: Don't ever visit the "Northwoods" without protective head gear and a large supply of oxygen. These people need SERIOUS help.
Mimi
So I ask all of YOU, what is YOUR funniest experience?
Here is mine, and I swear to GOD, this is a true story....
Lazzy and I were up in far northern Wisconsin, visiting his family. Those of us who reside in Wisconsin and the surrounding areas, refer to this portion of Wisconsin as "The Northwoods". It is a popular tourist area for hunting, fishing, camping, winter sports, and other outdoorsy type activities.
The particular city we were visiting is called "Ashland, WI". It sits right on the shores of Lake Superior, and is truly a very gorgeous city. It's a city that is also 20 years behind the rest of the country. In fact, if you were to look up the word "Hick" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Ashland, WI right next to the definition.
My first knowledge of Ashland came via a home movie of Lazzy's. We were sorting through and watching home videos one day, and we came to one that was filmed at his grandparents house in Ashland. Lazzy and his younger brother Jeff were outside in the yard, goofing off and practicing some wrestling moves, when all of a sudden this TRACTOR comes flying down the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD doing at least 35 miles an hour. And what was worse, is that the driver was not even WATCHING where he was going! The dude was leaning WAY OVER the steering wheel, with a screwdriver in his hand, FIXING THE ENGINE as he sped past! I about crapped my pants! Two minutes later, the same idiot on the same tractor comes flying past, zooming down the road again. This time headed in the opposite direction. I don't know what was worse...the sight of this tractor driving down the road at 35 mph as if it was a car, with it's driver actually fixing it as he drove, or the fact that neither Lazzy nor his brother thought NOTHING UNUSUAL about this sight at all! Their only comment on the spectacle came via Jeff, who hollared out after the guy "HEY! That was a YIELD SIGN, buddy!!"
Anyway, back to my story...
As I stated above, my experience with this city and the people who live there came when we were visiting his family up in Ashland during the 4th of July weekend. We were all sitting in the living room of Lazzy's grandparents house, chatting away happily about miscelanous things, and passing the time until dinner was ready. A few of us got up to stretch our legs and walk around a bit, when Lazzy happened to peek out the window overlooking the street (the same street in which the tractor from the video was speeding down). Someone was outside blasting a horn and there was much noisy chatter taking place outside in the street. I myself wandered to the window at this point to see what the commotion was.
Pulling up in front of his grandparents house, right there in the middle of the street, is a large tractor (go figure). Not just ANY tractor, though. This tractor is towing a large trailer flatbed behind it. And (I shit you not), sitting on TOP of this flatbed, is a series of wooden benches, lawnchairs, and patio furniture. There are also about 20 people sitting ON these misc chairs, drinking beer, yelling at people walking around outside in their yards, and yacking amongst themselves.
Lazzy, upon seeing this outside, chuckled to himself, then announced to all of those present in the house: "Oh look! It's the Northwoods Shuttle Bus!" He meant it to be a humorous wise crack, one that landed me on the ground in a fit of hysterical laughter. Little did we know that those present in the house thought this was a BIG DEAL, and took his comment seriously. Immediately following Lazzy's announcement, there was a series of "WHOOPIE!" "HOORAH!" "OH, COOL!" "YAY!" and "OH, HURRY!"'s heard throughout the house, as his ENTIRE FAMILY formed a rushed conga line OUT THE BACK DOOR, all pushing and shoving and fighting to be the FIRST ONES aboard this makeshift tour bus!! I thought for sure I was going to piss my pants laughing as all these members of his family ran out into the street and clamored about trying to get up onto the trailer flatbed and find a place to sit down. His Aunt couldn't quite hoist her butt up there, so 2 or 3 gentlemen aboard helped launch her aboard. Once they all parked their bodies in a chair, or on the floor of the flatbed itself, this makeshift shuttle bus proceeded to take them all on a tour around downtown Ashland, down along the parade route.
I couldn't make this up if I tried, folks, seriously. This is real life, redneck style.
Just as my laughter had finally calmed down to the point that I could BREATHE again, the shuttle bus returned, and deposited the various members of Lazzy's family. I thought this was going to be the end of my "unbelievably stupid and outrageously funny northwoods experience", but I had yet to experience the "4TH OF JULY CAKE" ritual.
Throughout the whole day, we kept hearing all this talk about "THE CAKE". "I can't wait for THE CAKE!" "When are we going to the church to pick up THE CAKE?" "Just you guys wait until you try THE CAKE!" Honestly we were expecting some large, fancy production of a cake when they finally returned from the church with it after dinner. Instead, what we saw, as one of his family members carried THE CAKE throughout the entire house, so that every family member could see it and take PICTURES of it, was a plain yellow cake, sitting in a regular 9 X 13 cake pan, with white frosting, and decorated with blueberries and raspberries in some random fashion that was supposed to represent an american flag. Lazzy again had to comment (I think it was something along the lines of "what the hell is that supposed to be"), and his remarks were met by an outcry of "But it has JELLO in it!" by about 10 of his family members. Once more my stomach was overcome by that acute pain of extreme hysterical laughter and lack of oxygen. We were then given a 1 1/2 inch square of "THE CAKE" to sample. It was dry yellow cake, with a runny red syrup across the top, covered in a tasteless white frosting, with a single berry. Lazzy and I could only look at each other and shake our heads at this poor example of fine cuisine, while the rest of his family moaned orgasmically over this apparent rare and celebrated treat.
A word of warning: Don't ever visit the "Northwoods" without protective head gear and a large supply of oxygen. These people need SERIOUS help.
Mimi
