When a friend comes out of the closet...

[Adam]

I'm just curious if this has ever happened to anyone else here? Well, I'm sure it has. More curious if you'd like to relate the story. Just last night, my very best female friend called me to inform me that she has found someone that she really likes, and that said person is another female. Apparently, she has realized her bi-sexual tendencies for the last few years, but has been hesitant to talk about it. Her family is rather chaotic and has more than a bigot or two, so that's completely understandable to me.

I was definitely surprised. I was completely taken off-guard that she was open to having a same sex relationship, but I certainly support her. Frankly, she has needed someone in her life for a good while now. Having previously met the girl in question, I certainly give my seal of approval. I just wish that her family would. Her mother suspects and has been really awful about it. I wish there was something I could do to help.

That aside, I am curious to read other similar accounts. And be kind, folks. Thanks for reading.

 

[desdemona]

When I studied abroad, one of my housemates came out to me. He hadn't told his best friend - who was studying abroad also and located in the same city. His friend tended to be a bit more "religious" and more redneck in nature (they were good old Louisiana boys). He did not want me reveal his "secret" - but it explained why he had a ton of female friends. The funny thing was, one of my other housemates was so pissed at all the women this guy was hanging out with, I had to break up a couple of arguments. I finally told the other housemate and he was like Oooooh ok. The other strange thing was that the guy's best friend basically had already guessed/knew about the other's sexual orientation. But he couldn't let him know he knew... and I couldn't let on that he knew either. It was somewhat comical to try to maintaint that outward ignorance for a few months until the one felt comfortable enough to come out to his friend. As for me, I traveled around Europe with a gay guy - safest way to travel. My aunt is a lesbian. I have many gay/lesbian clients. But with some, you're best not acknowleding it or doing anything to make it more public than it may already be.

 

[Dawes]

I wish there was something I could do to help.

That seems to be the key here, Adam. You're already helping! 🙂 You're supportive, and that is help in itself. In a world where sexual liberation can sometimes be seen as a negative thing, to have friends around who you can always rely on with your secrets (or in this case, with new social stresses) is the first step in finding true acceptance and solace. I think you're in a position to help your friend in that way, so just being a voice of reason and a comforting presence is an amazing step!

 

[Angel77]

Absolutely this has happened to me, a few times actually. 🙂 No worries, you're helping by just being a supportive friend.

 

[leafstk]

Happened to me in college. He was part of a close circle of friends I had there.... four of us, and we'd do everything together. It was late in our second year that he decided to come out of the closet... we were all totally blown away at the time, but of course we remained supportive and good friends. He was seriously worried we wouldn't want to associate with him anymore 🙁 We're all very close friends to this day 😀

 

[milagros317]

There was a woman that I had gone out with for five months in 1972/1973. (I was 22 and she was 19.) We remained friends after breaking up, and she came out as a lesbian a few months later. What I told her was "I'm glad that you discovered what you really want," and we remained friends.

 

[sasaxrah]

I've come out to friends and had friends come out to me. In the beginning of the coming out process, someone is really just looking for someone that will take what's said and not judge. The best thing to do is take their cue - when she wants to talk about it, talk about it. Some families come around, but it takes time. For LGBT people with unsupportive families, their friends become their new family. Just be there.

 

[john getty]

I'm just curious if this has ever happened to anyone else here? Well, I'm sure it has. More curious if you'd like to relate the story. Just last night, my very best female friend called me to inform me that she has found someone that she really likes, and that said person is another female. Apparently, she has realized her bi-sexual tendencies for the last few years, but has been hesitant to talk about it. Her family is rather chaotic and has more than a bigot or two, so that's completely understandable to me.

I was definitely surprised. I was completely taken off-guard that she was open to having a same sex relationship, but I certainly support her. Frankly, she has needed someone in her life for a good while now. Having previously met the girl in question, I certainly give my seal of approval. I just wish that her family would. Her mother suspects and has been really awful about it. I wish there was something I could do to help.

That aside, I am curious to read other similar accounts. And be kind, folks. Thanks for reading.

In the last three years, three of my friends and one cousin have come out. I really don't care anymore, people coming out no longer surprises me. Sometimes you suspect, like my cousin for instance, he was an S club 7 fan, but others you don't, and it's not ALWAYS the quiet ones either.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Adam: I agree with Dawes that you are fully helping by keeping your own friendship unchanged. As for her family, the good news is that bigots sometimes change. It sometimes just takes time to get used to the idea.

 

[Vae]

One of my closest friends in high school, one whom I had a crush on for a few years, ended up coming out after we graduated. He had the hardest time telling me, because there were some emotional feelings shared, but there was never any kind of physical intimacy. So when he told me, he was terrified.

I remember having a hard time with it because I had that crush. In the end though? He was still my friend. He was still the same guy I always knew and cherished. That's what important. I have a tendency to simplify these kinds of things and say: in the end, it's about sex. And sometimes, sex is just sex. It doesn't necessarily make you a totally different, unrecognizable person because you're attracted to the same gender.

That said, I'm going to jump on everyone else's back: don't let things change between you and your friend. If anything, she'll need any sort of stability she can find, and if she can't find it with family, please let it be you. That in itself will be one of the greatest comforts you can give.

Also? Hugs help. A lot. Don't be frugal.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

I haven't had any my friends come out to me, but I have two acquaintances who are gay. One of them, he was few years younger than me and we went to the same school. Growing up, I strongly suspected that he was gay, but he didn't come out of the closet until he went off to college.

 

[Adam]

Thank you for the nice responses, ladies and gentlemen. I see that I'm definitely not the only one to have experienced it from the perspective of a close friend and/or family member. As for my friend, none of you have to worry. Nothing about my friendship with this girl will change at all. I have known her for 8 years now. She has always been there to support me and I love her with all my heart. Now it is my turn to return the favor during what has to be a difficult transition in her life. I know that a number of people in her family will not be happy, but I do hope they come around. If they don't, shame on them.

 

[the wiz]

My brother was gay (pass in 94), my sister-in-law is bi (but mainly sticks with females), and my god-sister is bi (again, manly sticks with females). They came out at a time where being gay / bi was more frowned on in the black community.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

This has never happened to me. By the time they get to Los Angeles they've already come out.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

My brother came out to me. I was the first in the family and one of the first overall to know. Picture growing up in a family where our dad used to tell stories about how he and his budies would go hang out near the gay bar (near the base he was stationed at during that time) and get their jollies from beating the crap out of the guys who came out. Needless to say, that gave my brother pause when he finally accepted who he was.

How did it happen? He got really trashed, knocked on my bedroom door at 2am (I'd just gotten home...from a prayer meeting, no less.) and said he needed to talk with me. We went downstairs since he talks rather loudly when he's drunk. He hemed and hawed and beat around the bush, unable to come out with it until I finally looked him straight in the face and said, "Why don't you just say "Ann, I'm gay."?" He grinned and said "Ann, I'm gay." We hugged and laughed and talked a while longer before we both called it quits for the night. It was a really special time that I was (and still am) thankful for.

 

[Wildtime]

One of my best friends announced to me he was gay when we reacquainted on Facebook. He's been married to his husband for almost a decade now, and I'm happy for them. I am concerned, however, that he voted for the Liberal Party of Canada...that sort of thing is pretty hard to forgive.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Yep.

No big deal. I'm surrounded by Homosexuals in every corner of my life. It's a major component of the seasonings in the salad of my life. I love it.

 

[c7_assassin]

It's weird. I have gay family members who, I know for a fact, have come out of the closet, but not to me. Apparently I'm one of the people they think they have to stay closeted around. It's a little insulting.

 

[ticklemepls]

I'm just curious if this has ever happened to anyone else here?

That aside, I am curious to read other similar accounts. And be kind, folks. Thanks for reading.

My cousin, who happens to be my best friend, told me a few years back that he was gay. He was terrified to tell me, thinking I would no longer be close to him... turns out it brought us closer together- he knows he can talk to me and i will still try and help in anyway I can... He knows hes got my support in whatever he does... In the end.... its not something i would choose for my life, but it is the course he is taking his and im willing to be here for the support he needs...