Why I am removing my stories from TMF...

[Ticklemmmeeeeee]

I have made a decision to remove my stories from tmf.

I feel that there are many motivating factors behind a persons choice to publish or post something as personal as a story or writing, an intimate piece of him or herself. I know I have had my reasons . I will admit that I never really thought much about those reasons or what they are before today.

I was kind of forced today to look a bit deeper inside of myself and understand the intrinsic motivation behind posting things so personal to me. Not a particularly bad thing to do I must tell you, this self analysis.🙂

I have always prided myself on knowing myself well, and for the most part I know I do. Introspection is one of my favorite redeeming qualities.
However, part of evolving as a person is also being able to listen to opposing perspectives that we may not want to listen to but we need to hear.

I guess I never really thought very much about what people may think of me concerning the intentions behind posting a tickling story. I suppose I never envisioned how I may be viewed as a result of such postings and writings. I guess I am a bit naive. I think I grew up a bit today. I hope I did anyway.

I know that as most things in life, people interpret the intentions behind a decision or action based upon what is most familiar to them.

I don't believe it is an intentional decision to be unfair, more subconscious actually.

I would guess that it is a rare occasion that a person is asked directly what their intentions for posting such an intimate writing is, rather assumptions are most likely made and suddenly the poster/author becomes whatever the reader believes him or her to be.

Or, even worse, the reader may believe the author is looking for whatever the reader believes the author/poster is looking for from the reader....what is most saddening about that is that the initial intentions are usually inaccurate.

The person doing the judging never gets to grow as a person by seeing their own behavior in light of the truth, not their idea of it , and the judged person never gets an opportunity to validate or invalidate their intentions. Pretty frustrating for the judged. Pretty tragic for both.

Most that read this will be confused and feel there are more facts needed to fully understand what the hell I am talking about, lol....rest assured that if you don't understnd this, you are blessed...lol...seriously, that only means you were not one of the people that sent me an email I didn't respond to. It is those individuals that I am addressing when I write the above.

The very reasons why I was hit so hard by what my close friend confronted me with today. Because it all made sense.

I am grateful that I was given that opportunity to learn something about myself today. I was lucky enough to be able to communicate effectively with someone close to me, the person who called me on this.

I will repeat what I asked this same person earlier today....when an author publishes a book and that book is about something very intimate, is that author in fact giving away a piece of him or herself by expressing that?

Is the author inviting readers to respond as though the author were addressing them individually or personally seeking that which the author writes about lacking in her life?

I never really believed so, I still do not, unless the author specifically states such intentions..

How sad if our modes of expression and creativity were limited for fear of it's readers assuming the intent was to elicit a direct response or action directed at the author.

I think, as I stated above, we all have any number of reasons for sharing our writings, some are financially motivated others attention seeking...I have always felt different than that....not better mind you, just different.

I write what I do and post what I do as a form of expression plain and simple. I have never expressed myself expecting anything and definitely not seeking anyone or anything. I like to believe I have always made that brazenly clear, apparently my plan of being open and non-ambiguous has been foiled again by my own inadequacies as a communicator.

I have chosen to express my feelings, thoughts, ideas and experiences about sensitive issues in a community I feel accepts my bizarre interests and atypical desires. It never ocurred to me that I may be sending a message I never wanted for people to receive.

And, no one is at fault here. There are no villains. Just miscommunications and misinterpretations. I suppose I will apologize for not stating my intentions in posting stories and writings more clearly, in spite of the fact that I didn't know of the need to do so really, until now.

This is not an angry or complaining post whatsoever and I pray it doesn't invite such ideas....Not because I am afraid of expressing that, simply because this posts intent is to inform you of my removing my stories and explaining why. I suppose I feel that as in most everything I do, my actions seem rather flakey when not accompanied with an explanation.

I am certainly not looking for sympathy posts or supportive posts encouraging me to post stories in spite of what people say or think...truth is, I am very appreciative of my friends confrontation at the moment.....sometimes people see something in your behavior that you may not have been aware of , in spite of your amazing introspective abilities...*cough* ~smile....

Anyway, my decision to remove the stories is just that, my decision, motivated by what is most important to me, how I feel about myself.
Truth is, when I stand back and look at myself through the eyes of some of the readers that have contacted me, I cringe and want to never type another word in this forum or online period.

I am glad my friend cared enough about me to confront me...Simply because the most objective person can not be competely unbiased during self analysis. Sometimes we get stuck and cannot move ahead in self growth simply because we can't give ourselves the feedback we can get from others. This would be why I suppose, we seek out others that share our commonalities to share such things with to begin with.

Ironically, I didn't even know I was emitting such an inaccurate portrayal of my character...not to sound like a complete pathetic nerd but I thought I was safe in posting intimate parts of me in the tickling community....the need I have for extreme expression and acceptance for the parts of me I hold most dear, the parts of me that tragically few people are aware of and even fewer still take the time to see through because all they see is the ticklishness and sexuality. If that is the case then all is naught. if I am inviting people to do just that. It's purely my fault, no one elses. I know however, that there are those of you who do not view me or anyone else here so superficially. I am so grateful for those of you that I am proud to call friends.


Anyway, I never do anything simply because I am told to. I like to believe I listen to constructive criticism and am able for the most part to dissect the parts I agree with based upon what makes sense to me, compare it to what I know about myself and not. I actually admire and thank my friend for his direct approach today.

It's rather nice to have a friend who cares enough about you to confront you in spite of how he fears you will respond. I have only had the pleasure of meeting a small handful of such people in my life. I am grateful that he treated me with such respect and then stayed around to make sure I was allright. I admire that and I am grateful.


Why am I posting this and not just removing the stories? Primarily because there are a few people who have been kind enough to actually read my stories and take the time to give me respectful feedback and I appreciate that very much.,, and there are others who may wonder where the stories went, so I also did it for selfish purposes, to avoid getting emails or posts re: "where my stories went or when will I be writing more."

I don't think I will, to be honest. I have had a rather large dose of reality today that I have to digest and regurgitate...I know, eeww...lol...

Want to hear something really naive and ridiculously childish? I honestly never realized how much I have relied upon so many people, especially in this forum for approval and acceptance of my written expression. I am not even sure yet what that says about me aside from the standard questionable self worth issue and I am not entirely sure why but I feel like crying harder at this moment than I have in a while.

I know, boohoo...lol...man...I feel like such a girl...lol...or worse...I feel like I am accepting an award...lol...for best new village idiot...lol...I know, self worth self worth!!!...lol..ack!...🙂

Anyway, insert defense mechanism...lol...making jokes is what I do best when I feel awkward...lol...that's it, I'm done...lol...carry on calling me the weirdo that I know I am...lol 🙂
~tm

 

[milagros317]

I certainly won't argue with your decision, Ticklemmmeeeeee, because they are your stories, and one can expose a lot of oneself by posting stories.

But I do want to say that I am very glad that I read "Munificence" when it was posted. It is a very moving story, and it does make me want to hug you.

 

[Admiral Trouser]

Hmm. Well, thats all kinds of good and all, but...well...did the post really have to be that long? Sounds mean, probably is, maybe my mood is foul for tonight, but I just lost interest half way through there. Which is a shame, because your stories are good, and your style is deep and flowing, so I'll miss your contributions.

But sometimes conciseness is a virtue 🙂

Anyway, I hope you eventualy come around and grace this fair board with some more of your writing. Peace.

AT

 

[Ticklemmmeeeeee]

Milagros...thank u, I'm glad u read it as well🙂

AT...you're right...it is redundant and rather long winded...one of my many flaws...🙂

 

[Haltickling]

Hi Ticklemmmeeeeee,

I won't question your motives to write or to take your writings away. That is for you alone to decide. Just let me give you a few things to ponder:

I started to write tickle-fiction long before the internet days. As I couldn't find any stories on my favorite subject, I had to write them myself, for my own satisfaction.

When I discovered this forum and its wealth of stories, I decided to put up mine as well. Slowly, I realized that my motivation to write such stories had changed: They were no longer restricted to myself, but for the enjoyment of other people, too. I wanted others to delve into my most secret wishes and dreams, to share my excitement and fun. Nevertheless, the writing itself never failed to bring me joy.

Every artist, be it writer, painter, musician or whatever, gives away a part of him/herself through that work. You're right, it's just a personal way to express yourself. The singer Pink hesitated to publish her song "Portrait" because it revealed too much of herself and her childhood. I bet that Picasso or van Gogh had similar qualms, as well as Mozart and Beethoven. I wouldn't dare to compare myself to them, but I know all about the ambivalent anxiety/fear to reveal my inner self.

But I discovered that the process of writing itself was more valuable to me than other people's opinion about me. It's an emotional valve, like any other artistic expression. If you close it, those emotions you released in your writing will pile up inside you, and they will cause damage. Sharing these emotions is equally important to me, it's comparable to talking to my friends about my problems. I always feel better afterwards.

So, please don't forget your own emotional needs during your self-analyzing... 😎

Hal

 

[Ticklemmmeeeeee]

Haltickling wrote:

I started to write tickle-fiction long before the internet days. As I couldn't find any stories on my favorite subject, I had to write them myself, for my own satisfaction.


Hal, I felt the same exact way!!! This is exactly what caused me to begin writing...I knew I had so much passion and desire inside of me regarding feet and tickling but never seemed to find anything that really expressed it the way I did through my writings and stories....true that my fantasies most of the time transcend my experience, which sometimes causes me to feel meager in comparison to most people on here but writing was / is the only way sometimes I can get the satisfaction I need....

When I discovered this forum and its wealth of stories, I decided to put up mine as well. Slowly, I realized that my motivation to write such stories had changed: They were no longer restricted to myself, but for the enjoyment of other people, too. I wanted others to delve into my most secret wishes and dreams, to share my excitement and fun. Nevertheless, the writing itself never failed to bring me joy.

I agree....I feel the same way, I actually love sharing my stories because I remember how alone I felt when my bf and I broke up and I was just at that time starting to really understand my fetishes...I am so grateful to the people I met (and am still friends with🙂 that respectfully answered my multitude of annoying questions...lol. If I can help people just coming to understand their interests and fetishes then that makes me feel good🙂

Thank you so much for your kind words...I am so grateful and appreciative of you and those of you here that accept my strange modes of expression for something that only people in this situation can understand fully....I need to work on my impulsivity factor because as I stated in my post here ad nauseum...lol...most of the people in this community and the few friends I have offer feedback that I value and take to heart, perhaps too much....thanks again for thoughtful feedback🙂🙂🙂

 

[Iggy pop]

I'm still not 100% clear on why you want to remove your stories. Honestly, I never read them. I'm not into the tickle fiction, but hey do whatever you think is right.

 

[Ticklemmmeeeeee]

Iggy....my stories are non-fiction for the most part....cliff note version of why I removed this latest story is because it revealed alot about me that I second - guessed myself on exposing ....after the fact....I received some feedback via emails from a handful of members from this forum that made references to me based upon my stories and I decided that if I post stories such as the one(s) I have I am inviting such comments....I just decided to un-post.....I'm actually regretful that I made such a huge deal out of it when it's not🙂....there are sooo many great story writers on here, I doubt if my measely contributions will cause anyone to lose sleep...lol
So, I will still write and keep the intimate stuff to myself , for the time being🙂 See?...nothing exciting atall🙂

 

[Drago69]

So... I don't completely understand... is it because you wrote the story and people started emailing you and you got annoyed?

And what's so wrong with revealing stuff about yourself?

Well whatever, like has been said, it's your decision, though your stories weren't exactly what I am into (weren't most of them love-letter types? I think that's the only kind i've read...), they were still very good. Your stories were well written, and enjoyable and it's a shame you feel like you have to take them off and stop writing (well, on the TMF anyway).

But I am sure you'll get lots of support for whatever you choose to do. 🙂

 

[crydun]

I echo Milagros thoughts. That story really moved me also. You are a strong woman who has dealt well with a lot of lemons that have been thrown her way. I wish you the best and if you choose to post more stories in the future, I'll be right behind you reading them and offering my support. Thanks for sharing. Blessings!!! Crydun