Why is Your Fetish Secret?

[Dave2112]

Here's something for discussion that I hope will get us to know each other a little better.

I know that I'm in the minority in the community in that I have no need to keep my fetish secret. Not that I advertise it, but I don't hide it if the subject comes up. So, this question is for those of you who either need to keep it secret, or choose to...or perhaps haven't really thought about it.

What is it about the tickling fetish itself that makes you keep it a secret? Try to elaborate...instead of "It's nobody's business" perhaps explain why you feel that way. Remember that we're talking about tickling, not just fetish. I know a few who have no problem talking to others about spanking, etc...but not tickling. I think this is something that touches us all and could make for some interesting discussion.

Thanks for your time.

 

[Merseymidge]

I've never quite kept it a secret, really...I'm not guilt stricken over it. I rather look at it in this way- I enjoy putting smiles on faces. Noble project, isn't it?

 

[BellaRisa]

I know but I still dunno

I know a few who have no problem talking to others about spanking, etc...but not tickling.

As one of the above mentioned people, I've given this much thought as I find it fascinating.

I can't say that I really keep tickling a secret; I left behind all my vanilla friends when I left Vermont years ago, and these days even my accountant is a kinkster-met him at a spanking party 🙄 . Except for my day-job clients and my in-laws, everyone who knows me knows what I'm into. But I was drawn to this thread because, while I fully embrace my proclivities and love who I am, I hate hate HATE saying the word 'tickle' to this day, even around like-minded individuals; it can take me hours or even a whole day at NEST before it just rolls off my tongue. Until then it just sticks in my throat and I feel myself sweating and blushing, and searching for any other word that will fit. Around kinky yet non-tickling folk I'm quite happy if it never comes up at ALL, except in private. I'm one of the bolder chicks you'll meet, and I can discuss sex and/or other such topics all day-but not tickling. I've gotten much, much better over the years but I'm still not 100% comfy with such conversations.

What I've concluded is that there's an *extreme* feeling of vulnerability for me where tickling is involved, and that side of me is for certain eyes only. The submissive in me pops her wee head out as soon as the word 'tickle' is mentioned, and often that's NOT how I want to feel at the time around that person or group. It's not a matter of being embarrassed, I know WAY kinkier details about my friends' interests; they got nuthin' on me 😱 😉. But somehow tickling is far more personal than my other interests. I'm just as into spanking as I am tickling, and I can take a spanking in front of a ton of party-goers of all kinks, but I dislike being tickled in a room full of non-tickling folk-it's as though if you're not into it, you have no idea how I feel and shouldn't be privy to the play because you don't 'get' it. Does that make any sense?

Great topic Dave,

Bella

 

[Merseymidge]

yes, I understand...a self consciousness that's hard to articulate...

 

[Haltickling]

Well, for me, tickling is a private matter, like sex. That's exactly how I handle it: With some friends, I can talk about sex, but not with all of them. And of course, I don't talk about sex with total strangers. Those people with whom I can discuss sex also know that I'm into tickling, the others don't.

Talking about tickling as fetish may also reduce my chances to sneak in a little tickle with female acquaintances, so I only reveal it if necessary. But I'm not shy about tickle-talk in general. I even gave a TV interview about it in one of the TV reports about tickling which I helped to produce.

The problem seems to be the general society attitude towards "kinky" sex. SM is fashionable in some circles, but people don't know enough about tickling as fetish, so they can't understand it, much less accept it.

And if you're in a job or business with lots of clients, some of them may even feel offended if they knew I was into kinky stuff. That's not very helpful for any job, is it?

 

[BigJim]

I'm halfway between secret and open I guess. I post all my e-mails and my member pics openyl online. I even run my own web-site and Yahoo Group where I make no secret of my identity. ( David Banner eat your heart out! )

When topics about weird sexual things come up at work (which given the mentality of the guys I work with, is quite often!) I've mentioned that I like bondage. Never gone into the love of tickling or toe-sucking, but don't think I'd hide it if the subject came up directly. I tend to think if fate has that in store, I'll deal with it when it happens.

 

[Mimi]

Bella, get out of my head! 😀

Seriously, for me, I am a complete echo of what Bella said. I blush and stammer if I even considering speaking the word 'tickle' in front of non-ticklephiles. I simply can not do it. And while most of my friends, and even my parents know about my kink (my parents discovery was NOT my choice), I still fight to keep it private from vanilla folks. Why, I can't say. I'm afraid they'll find me 'weird' or 'freakish' if they knew. Yet I can openly discuss all other topics of a sexual nature in great detail without the slightest hesitation. Go figure.

Mimi

 

[BellaRisa]

Bella, get out of my head! 😀 I still fight to keep it private from vanilla folks. Why, I can't say. I'm afraid they'll find me 'weird' or 'freakish' if they knew. Yet I can openly discuss all other topics of a sexual nature in great detail without the slightest hesitation. Go figure.

Mimi

Thanks for at least 'attempting' to answer Dave's actual question Mimi, so far I think we're the only ones 😉. I don't even try to make vanilla friends anymore, there are too many cool people in the kink world. Let the 'nillas have their brand of fun, however they do it (I've forgotten ) But I couldn't care less who thinks I'm a freak unless they pay my salary. If I've learned one thing it's that everyone has *something* they're afraid others will discover, especially vanillas. The main reason I keep my 'secret' from the few 'nillas I do know is that I care for their children professionally, and they like to think I only drink milk and go to bed by 9pm after evening prayers; all preschool teachers do, dontcha know 🙄 .

Bella, dusting off her halo

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Okay.....one less thing to feel weird about...

I'm so glad to hear Bella and Mimi say that they have a hard time saying the word "tickle" in conversation....ME TOO!

For me, I think that since I've had this "kink" since early childhood, I've spent the better part of my life hiding my fascination for it. When I was young, I avoided the topic because I knew that when it came up I would immediately blush and stammer over my words...basically it would become blatanly apparent how tickling effected me. My physical reaction is probably directly responsible for the fact that even today I will completely deny being ticklish and when that claim is challenged, I will hope that my stubborn streak outlasts the tickling...most times it doesn't. lol.
And even though I'm much more "out in the open" with it now (I've told several of my friends, a couple co-workers, and obviously my husband about it) I still can't say that freakin' word!!! Any time I've "told" my friends/co-workers about the fact that I've got a "kink" I've always made them guess it so as to avoid actually having to SAY the word (god forbid! lol). Then once they guess it (after a few key clues from me), I basically wind up answering their questions with a yes or no....but carefully side stepping the "t" word (or finding another word that means the same thing. ie. "my feet are a bit sensitive").

And also like Bella and Mimi, I can talk about vanilla sex, or other people's kinks for hours without so much as a single blush rising to my cheeks. Weird, huh?

In short....(probably too late to say that)...I chalk my embarassment over talking tickles up to the adage "old habits die hard". I spent the better part of my life avoiding the subject, and all that denial can't be overcome in just the few short years that I've been "out of the closet". I figure that by the time I'm...ooooo....about ninety, I'll be able to talk openly and honestly about my kink (all the while saying "tickle" every 30 seconds...lol).

I also think that a small part of why I hide it from some people is because I know that once it's "out there", then the other person (usually a guy) will then feel weird about any casual (strictly playful) tickles that happen between us. Once the other person knows how tickling effects me, it may hinder any innocent tickles that might have happened. It stops being playful for them (even though that's how I take it most of the time) and starts to be only sexual (which it only is when it's between me and my husband).




Maggie

 

[TickledToDeath]

What fetish?😕 What secret?😕
You mean tickling and or being tickled and loving it is a "fetish"?😱

TTD

Ps. Seriously, it is not fully a secret. I just limit who I divulge such info to.😉 😀 .

 

[coolman]

tickling, fetish etc is all very taboo in the society in which i live, more's the shame.

i keep stum because i do not know how people will react. e.g. someone mentioned to me how FHM had compiled a list of fetishes, "it's really weird, and sick," he said. all i did was murmur a neutral response. of course it's not sick, it's natural and fun, but that's not how its seen to all the narrow minded idiots, not just here but everywhere. any kind of sexual "abnormality", fetish included, can often generate a negative response. and to an even lesser extent, many do not even realise tickling is a fetish, whereas feet is quite commonly recognised as just that.

i dont want to risk any friendships, or being outcast, just for the sake of being honest and open. sure, i'd tell a partner (if only i had one) if i felt she'd not react badly, but apart from that, i see little point in saying anything. that's society for you. i suppose this reluctance has created my ability not to stammer and stall whenever i say "tickling" in public... otherwise it would be way too obvious! 🙄

 

[daddy]

I use to keep it a big secret, but thanks to the ole ex-girlfriend, I am slowly finding out more people know about my "kink" than I thought anyhow...lol

As I get older, it just seems to get easier to deal with...it's kinda like I don't care who knows really as long as I am the one who gets to tell them or share it with. I am not about to run around announcing it on a t-shirt, but I will talk about it more than I use to.

When I was younger, one of the reasons I did keep it secret was because I knew so many people that I had heard say they thought tickling was "childish and immature." so that did not help at all...especially since most of them were female who had said that!

daddy

 

[JPie1]

I have only opened up about my fetish to the online community here, I don't know why I guess in the back of my mind I still kind of feel weird, strange about it. Like all my personal family and friends would think I am a bit off the wall, and I sometimes feel I live this roll of "proper" wife and mother. Tickling for the most part is very sensual and intimate to me and is a deep side of my fantasies. Sometimes I feel if I let my family and friends know about it they will not think me the "good girl" that they think I should be. Came from a very strict family, its taken me a long time to accept this side of me even here. Its come out more and more over the last year or so (maybe since TMF) but not to the point where I feel comfortable enough to reveal it to the people closest to me.

PS Bella & Mimi, I too have a hard time just saying tickle or tickling or such, like it will be a gateway to this whole side of me!!

JPie

 

[Scooby6993]

I actually hate saying the word tickle too. Funny to find out im not the only one. But I caould listen to a woman say that special word 24/7. Im kinda shy about my foot and tickling likings but trying to come outta my shell slowly with baby steps. Almost told a girl she nice feet saturday night but oculdnt bring myself to do it, even with a few in me. Gonna take some time but knowing theres others out there like me makes things a little easier. Now, to find a woman close by who shares my enjoyment....hmmmm...where could she be?

 

[Ayla ny]

after 13 years of playing a real life version of June Cleaver... it would shatter the image my family has of me (I am surrounded by my entire extended family). I am the stable one. the one who has a good head on her shoulders and always manages to keep it together.

also

part of my job is auditing coworkers. there are a few who would just LOVE to have something like this to gossip about. “did you hear she went to a fetish party... and everyone thinks she is so sweet... uh huh...”

but most of all, it’s private and I am a very private person.

 

[JPie1]

after 13 years of playing a real life version of June Cleaver

I can relate Ayla, in Yiddish terms I am the "Maideleh" of the family (good little girl)

 

[marcusb]

I keep it quiet as I'd much rather have people see it as the fun, playful thing that it (usually) is. IMO, if I spill the beans then suddenly they might get the wrong idea (was he just tickling me for fun or was he being weird). It's a very personal thing for me and even after years I'm puzzled by my reactions to the subject.

I've had fun with two willing 'lees who also kept it to themselves.

I can't say "the word" either. 🙁

 

[terorizer]

Very interesting question Dave. Initially I thought to myself that I didn't meet any of the conditions you listed, but upon a closer look, I think there's a part of me that really does purposely not "disclose" my tickling interest. I have to qualify that statement though, because if it's someone I'm not particularly close to, I have no problem with being open. However, though I would never lie or hide it, when it comes to people who matter the most to me I have reservations for 2 reasons:

1)It goes back to trying and trying to explain something to someone who'll never fully understand. I don't have a fear of being judged or rejected or ridiculed, because the people who care about me wouldn't do that. But I know from the experience of having told some, after an hour of discussion, they still just don't "get it", which has left me with the feeling that it's easier just to not tell, than it is to try and explain. It's kinda like giving MacBeth to a 2nd grader... in the end there's just so much they couldn't begin to comprehend... say that makes me have an idea for another post.

2) I absolutely hate for there to be misunderstandings and communication blocks in my relationships, especially when it comes to something that's so intimately part of my being. What Maggie said really hit home with me about having friends think of the tickling in a different light. A lot of folks here don't believe there can be such a thing as non-sexual tickling (at least with ticklephiles), and in the "vanilla" world, there's an even greater sexual stigma associated with kinks and fetishes. Of the people I've told, they can ONLY relate to it as a sexual turn on and don't understand how there can be any interest in it beyond arousas. So especially with platonic friends of the opposite sex and friends who have children, I prefer they continue to see any ticklings as purely innocent and fun, which of course they are.

 

[Ticklerdes]

Well...

A very interesting question, as others have said. I think I'll ramble on it for a little while.


First reason...
I guess that would be fear, but I'm not really the type of person who's always watching himself to appear presentable and whatever to avoid the judgement of others. I know that some people would label me as weird or odd or whatever, and though I know that there would be few of these people, and that they wouldn't be people I particularly give a damn about, the risk that rumors would spread, or people would view me differently is simply too high to take for a reason other than to get a load off my chest. I might regret it.

Second reason...
If people knew I had a tickling fetish, I could never playfully tickle anyone without it being weird. I tickle my girlfriend playfully on a fairly regular basis, as well as tickling other girls. If they knew I was getting turned on by it, A) my girlfriend might object and B) they might feel like I'm violating them.

Third Reason...
Because I guess it's just not something you throw around. Fetishes are fairly personal, and I'm not at all an open or emotional guy. Deep things like that tend to stay deep.


Those are listed from "biggest reason" to "smallest reason." I guess the fear that bad things would come of it is dominant. By the way, I have a hard time saying "tickle" as well. I tried to ask my girlfriend why she doesn't laugh out loud when she's tickled (she just squirms and giggles, which I like even better) I choked on the word "tickled" and had a gaping chasm in my sentence.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my little rant...

 

[Limeoutsider]

Ive always been an outsider and I dont want to alienate the few friends I have

 

[The Pianist]

I havn't actually told anyone yet... I do actually want this to remain private (rather than gossip stuff)... but the reason I havn't spilled the beans to anyone yet is a) Because I didn't even realise until recently... and b) because the one person I was considering telling (and might even encourage it) is moving back to Finland soon. I was considering telling her when I had lunch with her the other day, but the proper occasion never came up and I was more concerned with making the most of my time left with her to try and push the subject or anything.

Though she did say mention that on the camp she just came back from... someone had asked her if she was ticklish... she said "No" which of course meant that virtually everybody that knew her on the camp had to try and prove her wrong at some time... which is very easy 😛

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Anytime the word "tickle" comes up in any conversation within reasonable earshot, my ears perk up like that of a German Shepard. I have no problem saying the word...but get this...(in similarity to Mimi, et al)...I have trouble attaching the verb "tickle" with the noun "feet". I always find myself seeking alternate language to describe the act, in fact, if you look at my past posts, it's there in red and gray. It's the strangest thing, though. The pre-occupation and the sexual attachment are more powerful than I or you or anyone else can imagine...

 

[Havsoker]

I kept it a secret for a long time because I thought I was weird and alone. About 6 years ago, I discovered other like minded people on the internet. In fact, that is how I met my GF. I discovered that I am not alone after all. The jury is still out about being weird! LOL!!

While I am much more comfortable with all of this now, I don't go into the street yelling "guess what I like!" Whether or not I ever tell someone else will depend on the circumstances. I am not likely to simply volunteer it, if the subject comes up in a conversation with someone I suspect shares this fascination, I might. That is a great leap forward compared to 6 years ago.

Oddly enough, I still have trouble saying the word tickle in casual conversation with anyone but my GF and often feel myself blushing if I hear the word in public. Go figure. 🙂

Hav

 

[Ayla ny]

wow... lots to relate to in this thread.

I also worry that if people knew how I feel... the innocent tickles in my life would be viewed as something ‘more’. I would hate for that to happen. the tickle fights I have with my boys are a whole different world from the stuff that fills my daydreams. but not everyone would ‘get’ that.

as for the word itself... I still catch my breath and listen a whole lot more closely to the conversation if the word comes up... but I have gotten to the point of being able to talk about it. which is very cool. that is definitely from reading, posting and talking about it more in the past few years than I have in my whole life.

ps: JPie, here’s to good girls doing what makes them happy 😀

 

[AffectionateDan]

SPPPPPPPPPITOOOOIE!!!!!

Bella, dusting off her halo

Patiently wipes Dr Pepper off monitor after near-fatal choking and spit-take episode.

Where'd ya get that, darlin'? eBay? 🙄