Why????

[TicklishSinner]

Why do people lie online?? Is it because it is so easy?? or what?? I mean then the stupidest thing, you alk to someone a couple times then stop for a while...you forget what you told them so you wing it...and then your screwed when that person rembers what was said the time before, why must people do that?? That happened to me last nite and as soon as he was caught...all of a sudden he had to go. I just dont understand!

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

You answered your own question sort of- its because they can get away with it.

The very fact that the internet is an artificial means of communicating with another is one of the aspects of what makes casual or even romantic conversation so uncertain.

Since there is no face to face here, and we cannot hear the tones of eachother's voices, nor our inflections, mannerisms, body language, and other aspects of the self that would give away how we feel about something and whether or not it is genuine.

Some people are good liars. Others are not. It all comes back to you though. Lying begets lying, and dishonesty and half-truths begets dishonesty and half-truths.

Some people lie intentionally for the sake of maintaining a certain security or status. IE- Age, gender, profession, and sexual orrientation. In some ways, this is the ultimate and most harmful form of lying, especially in a vested relationship built on a supposed trust. I sure as hell would want multiple pieces of proof that any woman I might get close to, is in fact female and not a gay man. There would be no reason to keep that from me. Its wrong, as is lying about your age, as that creates complications should it get serious.

Still, others are compulsive liars and lie because they can. These people ought to be avoided, no matter how many pleasantries they may spew forth.

My best advice is just to cross-examine the person as you know them to be and just go with what your gut instinct tells you, taking everything into account. Womanly intuition and gut intinct are right more often than they are wrong. And if something feels amiss and awry, then it probably is, and you ought to get out of this relationship with this person, no matter how personal or impersonal it is, has become, or will come to be.

- Damien

 

[Mitchell]

Maybe I'm being naive here, but I have never lied online. I know many people who have made great friendships on the internet. A cousin of mine in Florida, while not part of a sex fetish chat room to my knowledge, has made many lasting friendships with people online, and meets with these people several times a year.
To answer your question, smurf, I echo the last poster who said that people lie online because they can. Unless you have a webcam, one can not tell gender or physical looks or such, and a person has the ability to be dishonest and not be found out. To me, this is shortchanging both themselves, and the person they are talking to, from perhaps striking up a good friendship. I can see maintaining a certain degree of anyominity such as last names for security purposes, but to me when someone lies about something such as gender, that defeats the purpose of being online. I dont see what thrill people get out of that. Maybe its the ability to play mind games because they can. This is sad, but I try not to worry about things like "fake females". I go with the flow, ask gender, and take it for what its worth. I can see the frustration with liars and fakers, though.

Mitch

 

[the_Baron]

thats why i am totally honest.

i am a 65 year old african american woman, living in guam.

😉

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Gee, Baron, I told my pet dinosaur that one many years ago, he laughed until he cried.

 

[AquaFeline]

There are perhaps legitimate reasons for lying online. Someone may do it not because they desire to deceive you persay, but because they are sharing a portion of themselves they do not wish to bleed into the rest of their life and want to create seperate psuedo identities for each. A person may be generally truthful but lie about their name, exact age or exact location, or anything which could be used to discover who they are. <br>
A case can also be made for those who are trying out different personalities that, when asked outright, they would say they were "faking" just for fun. But actually the personality had some meaning to them, for example a transgendered boy playing a girl. Seems like a lot of transgendered folk running around these days. 😉 Of course this paragraph is wild speculation.

 

[Jimblast]

I Agree Sinner....

...it's why I just meet people in real life. I never had any dillusions of someone else's credibility, political pursuasion, nor the fact that they have these bizarre dreams of making their wife fix up their fantasy house while that person sits on the beach and reads! Some people are just out there....ya' know? It's just plain easier to tell the truth! Hey Baron....what's the weather like in Guam right now? LOL! 😀

 

[The Sean Man]

I approach the internet like an ordinary real life thing, and communicate as if I were with the person I'm chatting with. Who I am is who I present in conversation. Lying about myself (ie- age, looks, profession, etc.) is not something I would do in person. Unfortunately, others don't feel the same way. Lying is easy for them because there is no face to face contact.
These are people who have no life, no friends, no guts, and no clue.

The Sean Man

 

[AquaFeline]

I have lied to people in person when I don't trust them because it would be awkward not to answer their questions. And it doesn't work to just say that you don't want to tell them because they may either a) start trying to coax you or b) pay more attention to you than they normally would. This is in situations like the creepy guy next to me on the bus starts talking to me or the like. You can tell people more easily on the net you wish not to answer, but sometimes an approximate answer is enough for them to get an idea without making one feel uncomfortable about giving out too much personal info online.

 

[leafstk]

I think honesty is always the best policy too, Smurf... although AquaFeline does have some points. But being dishonest is no way to build trust with anyone, sorry to hear that.

 

[AquaFeline]

Yeah, and now everyone will think _I'm_ some 65 year old african american woman living in guam. 😉 I'm not saying I do a lot of it myself, I'm just making the point that there are legitimate reasons. The only thing I really do is I won't give out my real name without reason, which is the same thing I would do in a real-life fetish group. A lot of people do that and I don't see it as being wrong. Even if I perfectly trust the other person I'd rather not have them be talking about me and word somehow get around to the wrong people.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

If I may, who are the "wrong people"?

Those two words speak volumes. Alot of people, as you and others have said, have legitimate reasons for being secretive, but why do we need this at all?

Are you really ashamed of people knowing you are involved, in full or in part in the fetish community? I'm not. Good for me, I suppose. I guess its less of a liability for me, right now.

My point in bringing this up however, is that, if you are true to yourself, love yourself, and love others the way you love yourself, then the real you will shine through and anything embarassing won't be such anymore.

I've taken to the sentiment that we shouldn't care what people think so much. We end up shackling and limiting ourselves, our actions, and our possible experiences just because of something silly like this.

While I realize it may not be silly for others, perhaps those that have been in longer than I have, and have truely profound feelings and emotions for the subject, I would imagine that if you can share this aspect of yourselves with us, you could share it with potential dates, friends, etc., online or not.

If they don't accept you, its their own inadequacy to deal with it. Why should you, nay, why should anyone have to lie about this? Its self-punishing, anti-self, and anti-social, in it's own way.

No offense of course. Just a thought, more of a tangent I wanted to share, as an opening was provided in you're two words there. It could be that you meant wrong people as in people that would use the information for ill intent. In which case, I agree with you. I suppose I jumped the gun there, whether I'm right or wrong about you having said that. I also thought though that maybe you meant the latter, which is why I posted.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

And then of course theres the fact that for some people their fetish is a very personal thing. In taking that into account, I can see the need and want for some deception. I don't see this as wrong necessarily, as it will have no real impact on them. I'm just assuming that if you want to be honest you'd be honest about everything. I know that seems like an impossible ideal to live up to, but alot of people live that way. They haven nothing to regret or hide.

I suppose what I was getting at was that its only so personal if you make it so. Sharing it with the right people is whats key. But being ambiguous about it is the right way to go I would think.

It would be alot easier to say "I have a fetish" than to go into detail about it. Naturally they will have questions, and if you aren't up to answering them, they should understand that. Although you could just not tell them, as it eliminates the need for explaination, it would give you the satisfaction of being confident enough in yourself to not care what their initial reaction may be.

 

[AquaFeline]

I'll share with friends, and I do. But of those I know casually, I don't know who knows who and I don't want it getting back somehow to anyone I work with. Is that reasonable??? Fetishes and openness about sexuality seem to be less accepted in women currently as well even though I don't really give a damn outside of work.

And yes, people on the bus I have sometimes suspected of ill intent.

Also, I hate to cast it along gender lines but it seems like there's more male than female sexual predators and stalkers. Unless I've talked to them enough that I feel like they won't do anything to me, I don't want them to be able to find me.

 

[AquaFeline]

There are some professions where if it gets around you have any weird sexual stuff you'll probably be fired, I'm guessing, because of what they're afraid of you might do. School teacher comes to mind.

 

[leafstk]

Well I'm in social work and work with kids, so yeah, I wouldn't want this interest to be out in the open there, for sure. Some things should be private, as well intentioned as Celtic's statements were.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I think people need to come to terms with fetishism before they can cast judgement. But thats another topic altogether.

In some instances, clearly the ones mentioned, it is very necessary to not speak of it at all. Its just a shame, is what I'm saying.

No one should have to bottle themselves up like that and take a defensive position. Especially when being attracted to people for different reasons is so common place. Its rather hypocritical and a double standard.

 

[shylittleme]

Why do people online lie about things?

Because one God gave all of us humans free will to do whatever we please and that includes Lieing to people family members friends online and offline. and another is because most people that Lie online don't want that person that thier talking to on the other end to find out anything about them or Dark serects even so they just start making up things because they think that they can get away with it or that it even makes them feel better in most cases. More times then not they do get away with it though! sorry to say but its true.

and yes i have even lied about my True age online with people that i've meet online (but thats it) my true age is 20 years old but the people that i've talked to online i told them i was 16 or alittle bit older (depending on who i was chating with). The only true thing that i have lied about online is my age. but honestly i can say that i am not proud of myself for doing that...🙁 not one bit to say the least.