You know you're an EXTREME Redneck when...

[venray]

YOU'RE AN EXTREME REDNECK WHEN . . .


1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch
this!"

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off
its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law
against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 

[sole seeker]

Good one, Ven. I've missed reading your humor of late. It's true that I've been on the road a lot but when I get home I check for your jokes.

Here's one back at ya! Hope it hasn't already been posted:


Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The husband said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on the other hand.

 

[tommytikl]

OK, now there is a monitor in my Coke!!!

I should know better than to read Venray jokes with a mouth full of Coke...then Sole Seeker comes along and snipes me with his joke...
*wipes quite a bit of Coke from his desk*

Great stuff guys,
I really liked jokes 1, 2, 11 and 12...


Oh and Ray, your "Tickle Times" sig is VERY distracting!!! 😀

 

[BigJim]

...if when running over a fox/rabbit/whatever in the truck, instead of taking it to a vet you instead drive home at full speed with it strapped over the bonnet (hood), shouting "yee-haa!" and urinating out of the sunroof.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Had I been drinking something, my monitor would be in the trash now. 😀 Ray and SS, you two deliver the perfect one-two punch, that you do.

And Jim....I now have unpleasant images of people I live near (HDS is a stones throw from Redneck central).