Again, best posted in the blog...
While the Lancaster years have been the worst of my life, going back to NY, especially being with my father, is going to be excruciating.
Simply put, he spent this whole weekend putting me down, and saying truly vicious and evil things. For no reason, out of the clear blue, he told me how "well" he thinks I'm handling my mom's death, and how he thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, and end up in a mental hospital, or commit suicide. That's an absolute joke, and maybe.. wishful thinking. To be clear, with as heartsick as I've been.. I have NEVER harbored thoughts of suicide. I know that my mom would want me to go on with my life.
He puts me down about my weight. I weigh.. 175 lbs, and he weighs more than I do, lol. My stomach is big, but that can be settled with a trip to the gym.
He knows I want to do my own business. He'll talk about having "any job", but never about my dreams. I realize I'm going to have to maybe have a job I dont like, for a while.. but.. who can say that in.. 2, 3, 4, 5 years from now, I cant have my own business. I have many ideas. Bottom line.. he doesnt want me to be too successful, so he can say my mom.. fucked me up.
I'm,going to have to suck it up and deal with him, like a business associate I dont like. He'll tell me he "loves me", but doesnt hear me.
The forum member on this site (I wont mention names but that person knows who they are, who predicted an estrangement between me and my father) may turn out to be right. That person didnt say it to be well meaning, they said it to be vicious against me.
Since my mom died, I dont have the burning desire to be involved with someone as before. Yes, I saw plenty of beautiful women and gorgeous feet in NY this weekend, and in the back of my mind.. but..
I think there is a very, very strong chance that my relationship with him will come to crisis, because one day I will meet someone who he will twist my balls about, even though I';m seeing his wife. The person wont like him, due to his controlling ways, and big mouth.
His hatred of me is deep.. for several reasons. One, I didnt see his mother. Two, I loved my mom. Three, my mom chose me over him.
I'll have to do what I have to do. I am going to find some business to do on the side,.. even if he doesnt like it, know about it, or isnt involved. If that hits, heaven help him.
I've always believed it is a parents job to try and build their children up. He'll tell me he "loves me", but it is all bullshit.
My aunt the astrologer keeps saying life is going to get better for me. It will because I'm going to be around my two best friends. The real way it will get better, is if I get into something where I can make a decent living, that doesnt involve him.
He';s had problems with everyone he deals with. Work.. etc. I see why. I always got along with people I worked with., My problem has been with abusive family members/friends.
We'll see what happens. I will be very surprised if crisis doesnt arise with him.
Mitch
While the Lancaster years have been the worst of my life, going back to NY, especially being with my father, is going to be excruciating.
Simply put, he spent this whole weekend putting me down, and saying truly vicious and evil things. For no reason, out of the clear blue, he told me how "well" he thinks I'm handling my mom's death, and how he thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, and end up in a mental hospital, or commit suicide. That's an absolute joke, and maybe.. wishful thinking. To be clear, with as heartsick as I've been.. I have NEVER harbored thoughts of suicide. I know that my mom would want me to go on with my life.
He puts me down about my weight. I weigh.. 175 lbs, and he weighs more than I do, lol. My stomach is big, but that can be settled with a trip to the gym.
He knows I want to do my own business. He'll talk about having "any job", but never about my dreams. I realize I'm going to have to maybe have a job I dont like, for a while.. but.. who can say that in.. 2, 3, 4, 5 years from now, I cant have my own business. I have many ideas. Bottom line.. he doesnt want me to be too successful, so he can say my mom.. fucked me up.
I'm,going to have to suck it up and deal with him, like a business associate I dont like. He'll tell me he "loves me", but doesnt hear me.
The forum member on this site (I wont mention names but that person knows who they are, who predicted an estrangement between me and my father) may turn out to be right. That person didnt say it to be well meaning, they said it to be vicious against me.
Since my mom died, I dont have the burning desire to be involved with someone as before. Yes, I saw plenty of beautiful women and gorgeous feet in NY this weekend, and in the back of my mind.. but..
I think there is a very, very strong chance that my relationship with him will come to crisis, because one day I will meet someone who he will twist my balls about, even though I';m seeing his wife. The person wont like him, due to his controlling ways, and big mouth.
His hatred of me is deep.. for several reasons. One, I didnt see his mother. Two, I loved my mom. Three, my mom chose me over him.
I'll have to do what I have to do. I am going to find some business to do on the side,.. even if he doesnt like it, know about it, or isnt involved. If that hits, heaven help him.
I've always believed it is a parents job to try and build their children up. He'll tell me he "loves me", but it is all bullshit.
My aunt the astrologer keeps saying life is going to get better for me. It will because I'm going to be around my two best friends. The real way it will get better, is if I get into something where I can make a decent living, that doesnt involve him.
He';s had problems with everyone he deals with. Work.. etc. I see why. I always got along with people I worked with., My problem has been with abusive family members/friends.
We'll see what happens. I will be very surprised if crisis doesnt arise with him.
Mitch
