My uncle called me yesterday. We had a good conversation.
We discussed Mother's Day, and I told him that while I had a very nice lunch with my father, and my friend Barney and his mother, I also cried a lot, and felt very upset. My uncle said that not only is that normal on the first Mothers Day after I lost myr mother, but that he believes one really never "gets over" the loss of their parents. My grandmother will be gone seven years this summer, and my grandfather passed away just 30 years ago. My uncle said that even now, he will see something, or remember something about his parents, and start crying.
We briefly touched on my father's thought that I would hurt or kill myself because of my upset over my mom. While we didnt go into it that much, the whole thought is stupid. First, as heartsick as I am about my mom dying.. and as much as I felt she was young, and I wish she could, or would, have lived a few years longer, I also realize it is the natural order of life for the parents to go first. I think about how my mom would have felt if I had died first. The way she loved me, I wouldnt have even wanted to contemplate that. I also think about how angry she would be with me, if I did something to myself. She would \want me to go on with my life, as upset as I am, and as difficult as it will be. Additionally, if I kill myself, my father gets a huge amount of ammuniation. He can then say "Crazy Mitch Was Fucked Up By Sheila so much that he killed himself". Ah.. no.. However upset that my father would, or wouldnt, be if I died, I dont plan to find out.
The convo with my uncle was good.
The only plan I have now is to finish my sorting and packing, get out of here, and get to Forest Hills ASAP. Even if I dont meet a wonderful ticklish girl for a while.. or even.. never.. life will get better for me. My uncle thinks that what I'm going through is normal, with the losing my mom, and the packing and sorting this mess. Once I get back to NY, things will change for the better, I know.
Mitch
We discussed Mother's Day, and I told him that while I had a very nice lunch with my father, and my friend Barney and his mother, I also cried a lot, and felt very upset. My uncle said that not only is that normal on the first Mothers Day after I lost myr mother, but that he believes one really never "gets over" the loss of their parents. My grandmother will be gone seven years this summer, and my grandfather passed away just 30 years ago. My uncle said that even now, he will see something, or remember something about his parents, and start crying.
We briefly touched on my father's thought that I would hurt or kill myself because of my upset over my mom. While we didnt go into it that much, the whole thought is stupid. First, as heartsick as I am about my mom dying.. and as much as I felt she was young, and I wish she could, or would, have lived a few years longer, I also realize it is the natural order of life for the parents to go first. I think about how my mom would have felt if I had died first. The way she loved me, I wouldnt have even wanted to contemplate that. I also think about how angry she would be with me, if I did something to myself. She would \want me to go on with my life, as upset as I am, and as difficult as it will be. Additionally, if I kill myself, my father gets a huge amount of ammuniation. He can then say "Crazy Mitch Was Fucked Up By Sheila so much that he killed himself". Ah.. no.. However upset that my father would, or wouldnt, be if I died, I dont plan to find out.
The convo with my uncle was good.
The only plan I have now is to finish my sorting and packing, get out of here, and get to Forest Hills ASAP. Even if I dont meet a wonderful ticklish girl for a while.. or even.. never.. life will get better for me. My uncle thinks that what I'm going through is normal, with the losing my mom, and the packing and sorting this mess. Once I get back to NY, things will change for the better, I know.
Mitch
