Cry, cry, cry

I have been watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon for muscular dystrophy on and off all night and day, crying like a baby. Perhaps my "tough girl" walls are coming down a little at a time. After mom died last year, I literally built them up as to not be affected by emotions much and everyone kept telling me that they'd somehow find a way to resurface and now they are starting to. My grandma passed away from ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease, so I knew I'd see similar stories and that they would be tough to see. Maybe deep down I knew that it would trigger some sort of floodgates? I don't know but it sure in the hell worked. I've avoided watching it in the past after she died for that same reason, so I wouldn't have to deal. Maybe I'm learning that it's ok for me to deal with sadness and it's ok to cry. That I don't have to put on a front for my family and friends and have to keep saying, "yeah, I'm great!" when I know damn well I'm not. I didn't always used to be so stoic. Actually, I used to be very emotional, they type of girl who would cry in Hallmark stores because the words on the cards made me lol. Maybe it was my brain's way of coping with the pain? I don't know. All I know is that today after watching so many stories regarding these inspirational kids and adults, life as I know it isn't so bad. I am deeply touched by their stories and what their families have to go through. And I think it helped me reach back inside myself and find a part of me that has been missing for quite some time.