We, the biological family, buried Grandma this past weekend. It was the first time in about 15 years that all six of my aunts and uncles and their families on my mom's side were in the same place at the same time. Dysfunction meant nothing this weekend as much as it resembled a world-class train wreck. Six siblings all clashing beliefs, ideas and grief all at the same time, to say nothing of the rapier wit tossed back adn forth between the non-siblings in the group, myself included.
I've had some time to sit back and look at the weekend a little more objectively now. Those I joked around with were my mom, dad, brother and two of the three uncles present. The rest of the family was either too caught up in grief to bother trying to keep up with the conversation, or were astonished and mortified that such barbs were being tossed between family members so quickly.
I also didn't pay for anything all weekend. My folks caught the bill for everything, save the train ticket out there.
Is that what family is to me at the end of the day? When it all came down to it, I don't feel the same connection to my biological family that I do to many people on the TMF. All that I feel is a connection to financial stability. I've often wondered if my skill with numbers and money is a result of my natural paranoia of going into debt, my upbringing of care through money in the family, or both.
On the contrast, I get little financial benefit from my friends in the tickling community. Quite the opposite, I drop hundreds at a time to visit my friends. While I don't have the financial benefits, I do feel a much stronger connection with my TMF friends than I do with my biological family, especially recently. It makes me wonder what exactly a family is, what it's supposed to be and which is which between my genes and the community.
The drama and bullshit and dysfunction and conflict of personalities are all the same. So's the caring. I think it's a matter of how you show that caring and what the proirities and expectations of each group that define the groups.
Maybe I'm just tired.
I've had some time to sit back and look at the weekend a little more objectively now. Those I joked around with were my mom, dad, brother and two of the three uncles present. The rest of the family was either too caught up in grief to bother trying to keep up with the conversation, or were astonished and mortified that such barbs were being tossed between family members so quickly.
I also didn't pay for anything all weekend. My folks caught the bill for everything, save the train ticket out there.
Is that what family is to me at the end of the day? When it all came down to it, I don't feel the same connection to my biological family that I do to many people on the TMF. All that I feel is a connection to financial stability. I've often wondered if my skill with numbers and money is a result of my natural paranoia of going into debt, my upbringing of care through money in the family, or both.
On the contrast, I get little financial benefit from my friends in the tickling community. Quite the opposite, I drop hundreds at a time to visit my friends. While I don't have the financial benefits, I do feel a much stronger connection with my TMF friends than I do with my biological family, especially recently. It makes me wonder what exactly a family is, what it's supposed to be and which is which between my genes and the community.
The drama and bullshit and dysfunction and conflict of personalities are all the same. So's the caring. I think it's a matter of how you show that caring and what the proirities and expectations of each group that define the groups.
Maybe I'm just tired.
