I thought I was a pessimist. Most of my life, I guess I viewed myself that way because I was constantly having internal negative thoughts about myself. I did a lot of self loathing.
I didn't complain very much to other people, but I was a real bummer to hang with. This was the image of myself I carried with me because it never occurred to me that I could be anything else.
Well, I'm becoming a physical therapist assistant at a community college. I'm learning and doing things that I never thought I'd have a chance to. I share this with you as background info, because the point of my blog is coming. I'm in my thirties now.
I was working with my lab mates yesterday, and Kayla asked me if I'd ever been a cheerleader in high school. I immediately said no. Then she asked if I'd ever done it as a young girl. NOPE. School was really tough for me, and I hated it. Picture the color black. That was me. What kind of vibe was I giving off to others that I was not aware of, because obviously there was a disconnect between what I think of myself, and how others see me.
She said I am always happy at school, and upbeat, and that she'd rather work with a happy person than with a grumpy one. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious. I then realized something. I've grown into a person that has a new facet to who I am. I've developed a small amount of happiness in this new environment I'm in. HOLY FUCK. It happened without me realizing it.
I still have my negative side just as it was. But I feel as though a few flowers are starting to bloom in my garden full of weeds and pessimism.
I didn't complain very much to other people, but I was a real bummer to hang with. This was the image of myself I carried with me because it never occurred to me that I could be anything else.
Well, I'm becoming a physical therapist assistant at a community college. I'm learning and doing things that I never thought I'd have a chance to. I share this with you as background info, because the point of my blog is coming. I'm in my thirties now.
I was working with my lab mates yesterday, and Kayla asked me if I'd ever been a cheerleader in high school. I immediately said no. Then she asked if I'd ever done it as a young girl. NOPE. School was really tough for me, and I hated it. Picture the color black. That was me. What kind of vibe was I giving off to others that I was not aware of, because obviously there was a disconnect between what I think of myself, and how others see me.
She said I am always happy at school, and upbeat, and that she'd rather work with a happy person than with a grumpy one. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious. I then realized something. I've grown into a person that has a new facet to who I am. I've developed a small amount of happiness in this new environment I'm in. HOLY FUCK. It happened without me realizing it.
I still have my negative side just as it was. But I feel as though a few flowers are starting to bloom in my garden full of weeds and pessimism.
Anyone for the Apocolypso Tango? (Kurchiecakes taught me that dance to do in...