Tonight, I found out news that virtually guarantees futility.
A friend of mine, has been discussing my insurance career with me.
This very kind friend, had advised me to focus my attention away from sales, and instead seek jobs in insurance claims, and underwriting.
My friend, also has connections in the insurance industry,
After telling me a short time ago, that his connections could not help me with positions in insurance at all.
Tonight, my friend tells me that insurance is contracting. (Meaning positions are shrinking).
So,, let's evaluate this here.
I kill myself to get good grades in college, and I'm not able to go to graduate school, in spite of my very good GPA under terrible circumstances, and that I could have gotten into grad school.
I kill myself to pass the insurance exam, only to have a huge account waved under my face, and then have it taken away, as my career at Aflac, and my future, implodes.
I'm unable to find a position for over a year, because employers dont want 46 year old men with weak resumes, for entry level jobs.
After being advised by this friend that I should apply to jobs in claims and underwriting only, and that he has connections who could help me, I find out that in fact his connections cannot help me, and that insurance is not the field to be in.
During this whole.. year and a half of hell since I lost Aflac, my father has told me on many occasions, that I should "Start at the very bottom, and accept that I might never get anywhere, even if it meant.. "Cleaning stalls in Target for the rest of my life:" This, from a man, who revels in his son in law's Gym".
My friends and family were appalled that my father did not say a kind word to me, asking me how I felt on Mother's Day.
So..
I cant be an insurance agent, or work anywhere in insurance, after how I killed myself to get that license.
I cant work in claims and underwriting in insurance, to work in another part of insurance, because, my friend's contacts cant/wont hire me, and I cant find other jobs in said area, and now I';m told by my friend that there arent jobs in said area.
I cant find a regular job, because employers dont want 46 year old men for entry level jobs.
I know I cant/shouldnt be with a woman, because it wouldnt be fair to commence a relationship with someone, with how my life and career are.
Yet, when I tell my aunt the artist.
"I wish it was over. I hope one of my seizures kills me. I killed myself to rebuild my life in my mid 40s, and it all blew up in my face".
Her brush off is..
"You're so young, you have so much time".
As she.. obsesses over her son, who is not yet 30, has a long term partner who will likely be his wife, and who is about to embark on a great paying new job in his field. (I'm very happy for my cousin., He is a good person, and deserves all his good fortune. ).
'
I cant email my father to tell him how upset I am about what my friend told me.
Instead of being an understanding father about how upset his son is.. his reply will be.
" My wife and your uncle, think you should have a horrible job for the rest of your life, and it doesnt matter how miserable you are, jobs are work, they arent supposed to make you happy".
I'm best off keeping the information to myself, even though I'd love to email my father to see what his reaction is.
If my mom were here, she would be horrified at the outcome of what happened with Aflac, after how hard I worked to pass the insurance exam, get clients, and then what happened with that account, and with the outcome of how hard I've worked to attempt to find work in the past year and a half, to no avail.
A friend of mine, got very upset a few months ago, when I told him that if things dont get better with as hard as I'm trying, I wish it was over. So upset.. that, even though I havent posted this until now, he summoned police to my door, to drag me to the psych ward. After "evaluation", they let me go home, and I went back to doing what I've been doing since I lost Aflac, applying to jobs, and going on interviews, to no avail.
I dont know what comes next.
A friend of mine, has been discussing my insurance career with me.
This very kind friend, had advised me to focus my attention away from sales, and instead seek jobs in insurance claims, and underwriting.
My friend, also has connections in the insurance industry,
After telling me a short time ago, that his connections could not help me with positions in insurance at all.
Tonight, my friend tells me that insurance is contracting. (Meaning positions are shrinking).
So,, let's evaluate this here.
I kill myself to get good grades in college, and I'm not able to go to graduate school, in spite of my very good GPA under terrible circumstances, and that I could have gotten into grad school.
I kill myself to pass the insurance exam, only to have a huge account waved under my face, and then have it taken away, as my career at Aflac, and my future, implodes.
I'm unable to find a position for over a year, because employers dont want 46 year old men with weak resumes, for entry level jobs.
After being advised by this friend that I should apply to jobs in claims and underwriting only, and that he has connections who could help me, I find out that in fact his connections cannot help me, and that insurance is not the field to be in.
During this whole.. year and a half of hell since I lost Aflac, my father has told me on many occasions, that I should "Start at the very bottom, and accept that I might never get anywhere, even if it meant.. "Cleaning stalls in Target for the rest of my life:" This, from a man, who revels in his son in law's Gym".
My friends and family were appalled that my father did not say a kind word to me, asking me how I felt on Mother's Day.
So..
I cant be an insurance agent, or work anywhere in insurance, after how I killed myself to get that license.
I cant work in claims and underwriting in insurance, to work in another part of insurance, because, my friend's contacts cant/wont hire me, and I cant find other jobs in said area, and now I';m told by my friend that there arent jobs in said area.
I cant find a regular job, because employers dont want 46 year old men for entry level jobs.
I know I cant/shouldnt be with a woman, because it wouldnt be fair to commence a relationship with someone, with how my life and career are.
Yet, when I tell my aunt the artist.
"I wish it was over. I hope one of my seizures kills me. I killed myself to rebuild my life in my mid 40s, and it all blew up in my face".
Her brush off is..
"You're so young, you have so much time".
As she.. obsesses over her son, who is not yet 30, has a long term partner who will likely be his wife, and who is about to embark on a great paying new job in his field. (I'm very happy for my cousin., He is a good person, and deserves all his good fortune. ).
'
I cant email my father to tell him how upset I am about what my friend told me.
Instead of being an understanding father about how upset his son is.. his reply will be.
" My wife and your uncle, think you should have a horrible job for the rest of your life, and it doesnt matter how miserable you are, jobs are work, they arent supposed to make you happy".
I'm best off keeping the information to myself, even though I'd love to email my father to see what his reaction is.
If my mom were here, she would be horrified at the outcome of what happened with Aflac, after how hard I worked to pass the insurance exam, get clients, and then what happened with that account, and with the outcome of how hard I've worked to attempt to find work in the past year and a half, to no avail.
A friend of mine, got very upset a few months ago, when I told him that if things dont get better with as hard as I'm trying, I wish it was over. So upset.. that, even though I havent posted this until now, he summoned police to my door, to drag me to the psych ward. After "evaluation", they let me go home, and I went back to doing what I've been doing since I lost Aflac, applying to jobs, and going on interviews, to no avail.
I dont know what comes next.
