so about a year ago, i gave up my training in something that i've loved since i was about 14 when i started. its called american kenpo karate. about 2 years ago, my instructor, who i was very close to, passed away. this tore my heart out and i foind it very hard to find motivation to continue. i attempted to do so for about a year but it just didn't feel the same. i feel that i've fallen "out of love" with it, if that makes any sense. lately though i've been contemplating a semi-return. twice a year the organization holds 3 days seminars and testing up in evanston, wyoming (where the organization is based out of). should i bother going, taking some seminars just to keep the rust off and just not testing for my next level? i'm really out of it as far as what we've been doing for the past year and i don't really have people to train with here. a couple of us were making the 3 hour drive to cedar city, utah to train with one of the black belts up there but to do that we have to take time off work and get hotel rooms, etc. that just becomes too expensive to do once a month.
so i'm kind of at my wit's end here and don't know what to do. i'm afraid that if i try to come back to it that it still won't feel right. then what do i do? would it be a total waste? i don't plan on testing any time soon, if at all. or at least for about 2 years or so, if i even start going back to the seminars. i don't fucking know. i'm in a really confused state of mind about it all. i just don't know what my heart wants. *sigh* this sucks ass.
so i'm kind of at my wit's end here and don't know what to do. i'm afraid that if i try to come back to it that it still won't feel right. then what do i do? would it be a total waste? i don't plan on testing any time soon, if at all. or at least for about 2 years or so, if i even start going back to the seminars. i don't fucking know. i'm in a really confused state of mind about it all. i just don't know what my heart wants. *sigh* this sucks ass.
