It has actually been a pretty long time since I last updated my blog...
I have to admit that this has seriously been one of the more dark periods of my life. Never before have I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted all the time. Work for my classes, my two jobs, and my thesis research has completely consumed my life. I have received very negative feedback from both my professors this semester on how I wasn't up to graduate level in terms of my writing abilities.
Talk about a hit to my self confidence. There is nothing I pride myself on more than being able to adequately gathering sources, researching, and writing a very organized, analytical paper. Last year I was even praised by one of the toughest professors in the entire department by saying I was one of the best writers in my program.
So after a lot of self-contemplation I have come to terms that not all professors are going to like my writing style. One thinks I don't write from a philosophical angle enough and the other says that my writing style is informal (or that I write how I would talk in real life.)
Firstly I am not a philosophy major...and no historical works actually NEED to include a philosophical angle unless they are at a PhD level...something I am not even close to being at. My writing style is also fine in my opinion. But I can always improve, and I definitely have over the last fifteen months of being in graduate school...
School aside, my more private life is going a little bit better.
My sister has completed all her chemotherapy treatments and has been found cancer free for some months now. However she had a scan last week and she might potentially have to have a few radiation treatments to shrink some of her lymphnodes.
The past few days have been incredibly difficult for me because just last Tuesday I had supper with my father and he told me he was experiencing some marital problems with my step-mom. First of all my father is now in his third marriage and hasn't always had the best luck with women. He royally fucked up when he cheated on my mother with white trash and that resulted in their divorce. And he regrets losing my mother to this day. However after many toxic relationships he had finally found my step mother who seemed so stable and good at first.
From the very beginning of their relationship, back in 2006, my sister and I have fully supported them and been kind to her, her family, and her kids (who are total douches by the way). Anyway...she is quite the two faced person. My sister and I knew she had been talking about our OWN mother behind our backs and calling her very derogatory names. (Keep in mind she met my mom once when I had surgery back in the summer of 2007 and she was dropping off back at my dad's house.) She also talked a lot about my brother's mom (my dad's first wife) a lot as well. She loves to instigate drama but when confronted plays the victim.
But my sister and I were willing to put ALL this aside because we knew how happy she made our father, so we kept our mouths shut like a respectful adult should.
However in the past 3 days her TRUE character has come out and all hell has broken loose.
My father was so desperate to get away from her, he moved out of HIS own house, because he knew if he kicked her out she basically had no where to go.
I always knew she talked negatively about my sister and I from time to time, but apparently for the past year or so she has REALLY been railing on my dad about how horrible my sister and I are, how bad of a parent my brother is to my niece, how fucked up my niece is going to be when she gets older, how much of a slut my sister is etc. Keep in mind even despite her appearing all supportive, and even going to chemo treatments with my sister, she was STILL talking shit about her like some teenager...all the while putting up the rouse of supportive and caring stepmom.
When I found out all the things she had been saying not only about me...but those who I hold dearest, including my sister who is the #1 person in my life ...I just can't forgive that. I am completely done with her. How fucked up is it to talk about your husband's SICK, cancer ridden child?! I just don't GET that. Who does THAT?!
And I am pissed at my father too, because it is THEIR marriage and therefore THEIR problem and THEIR drama. But it is somehow now seeping into my life and my sister's life. I do not like drama and I abstain from it as much as possible.
And for my stepmom and dad to pull all this on us is royally fucked up. My dad contributed to the problems they had in their marriage too. However he wants to appear as the victim. The brave and so-called misunderstood husband who had to get away from all that negativity and had to resort to moving out of his house of over 18 years. Give me a fucking break.
When he left the house and let HER stay....that is a big problem to me. That is my childhood home and to think that she is living there, like a queen of the castle irks me more than words can say. My dad said that it wasn't a big deal that he left the house, because they were planning to move anyway. At least if the house had been sold I could have accepted never seeing the house again more easily. However to suddenly be CUT OFF from my childhood home is royally fucked up.
I am just so angry and frustrated with my family right now I cannot even think straight. On top of it all my grandfather is sick in the hospital for the third time in a month and a half with pneumonia and my dad and stepmom decide to act like immature asses. Where do their priorities lie?
Because mine sure as well lie with the well being of my sister and her potential radiation treatments and my sick 92 year old grandfather in the hospital.
Seriously, grow up.
Rant over.
~P
I have to admit that this has seriously been one of the more dark periods of my life. Never before have I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted all the time. Work for my classes, my two jobs, and my thesis research has completely consumed my life. I have received very negative feedback from both my professors this semester on how I wasn't up to graduate level in terms of my writing abilities.
Talk about a hit to my self confidence. There is nothing I pride myself on more than being able to adequately gathering sources, researching, and writing a very organized, analytical paper. Last year I was even praised by one of the toughest professors in the entire department by saying I was one of the best writers in my program.
So after a lot of self-contemplation I have come to terms that not all professors are going to like my writing style. One thinks I don't write from a philosophical angle enough and the other says that my writing style is informal (or that I write how I would talk in real life.)
Firstly I am not a philosophy major...and no historical works actually NEED to include a philosophical angle unless they are at a PhD level...something I am not even close to being at. My writing style is also fine in my opinion. But I can always improve, and I definitely have over the last fifteen months of being in graduate school...
School aside, my more private life is going a little bit better.
My sister has completed all her chemotherapy treatments and has been found cancer free for some months now. However she had a scan last week and she might potentially have to have a few radiation treatments to shrink some of her lymphnodes.
The past few days have been incredibly difficult for me because just last Tuesday I had supper with my father and he told me he was experiencing some marital problems with my step-mom. First of all my father is now in his third marriage and hasn't always had the best luck with women. He royally fucked up when he cheated on my mother with white trash and that resulted in their divorce. And he regrets losing my mother to this day. However after many toxic relationships he had finally found my step mother who seemed so stable and good at first.
From the very beginning of their relationship, back in 2006, my sister and I have fully supported them and been kind to her, her family, and her kids (who are total douches by the way). Anyway...she is quite the two faced person. My sister and I knew she had been talking about our OWN mother behind our backs and calling her very derogatory names. (Keep in mind she met my mom once when I had surgery back in the summer of 2007 and she was dropping off back at my dad's house.) She also talked a lot about my brother's mom (my dad's first wife) a lot as well. She loves to instigate drama but when confronted plays the victim.
But my sister and I were willing to put ALL this aside because we knew how happy she made our father, so we kept our mouths shut like a respectful adult should.
However in the past 3 days her TRUE character has come out and all hell has broken loose.
My father was so desperate to get away from her, he moved out of HIS own house, because he knew if he kicked her out she basically had no where to go.
I always knew she talked negatively about my sister and I from time to time, but apparently for the past year or so she has REALLY been railing on my dad about how horrible my sister and I are, how bad of a parent my brother is to my niece, how fucked up my niece is going to be when she gets older, how much of a slut my sister is etc. Keep in mind even despite her appearing all supportive, and even going to chemo treatments with my sister, she was STILL talking shit about her like some teenager...all the while putting up the rouse of supportive and caring stepmom.
When I found out all the things she had been saying not only about me...but those who I hold dearest, including my sister who is the #1 person in my life ...I just can't forgive that. I am completely done with her. How fucked up is it to talk about your husband's SICK, cancer ridden child?! I just don't GET that. Who does THAT?!
And I am pissed at my father too, because it is THEIR marriage and therefore THEIR problem and THEIR drama. But it is somehow now seeping into my life and my sister's life. I do not like drama and I abstain from it as much as possible.
And for my stepmom and dad to pull all this on us is royally fucked up. My dad contributed to the problems they had in their marriage too. However he wants to appear as the victim. The brave and so-called misunderstood husband who had to get away from all that negativity and had to resort to moving out of his house of over 18 years. Give me a fucking break.
When he left the house and let HER stay....that is a big problem to me. That is my childhood home and to think that she is living there, like a queen of the castle irks me more than words can say. My dad said that it wasn't a big deal that he left the house, because they were planning to move anyway. At least if the house had been sold I could have accepted never seeing the house again more easily. However to suddenly be CUT OFF from my childhood home is royally fucked up.
I am just so angry and frustrated with my family right now I cannot even think straight. On top of it all my grandfather is sick in the hospital for the third time in a month and a half with pneumonia and my dad and stepmom decide to act like immature asses. Where do their priorities lie?
Because mine sure as well lie with the well being of my sister and her potential radiation treatments and my sick 92 year old grandfather in the hospital.
Seriously, grow up.
Rant over.
~P
