I've been doing a lot of thinking today. I think the reason I post so much on here about my situation with my mom, is because, in reality, I have no one else to lean on. . I've been taking inventory of my life, and what will happen if heaven forbid my mom dies. There is no one in my real life, who I will be able to turn to, for support. The following is what I have.
A father, who can't wait for my mom to die, so he can think of how to best spend her alimony check that he will inherit, on his wife, and himself.
A father's wife, who married him when we were estranged, and shot her mouth off about me "calling" my grandmother, a "grandmother" I had been estranged from for thirteen years, at the time my father's wife said those words in 2001, when my father's wife had never met me, and didnt know the situation, of WHY my grandmother and I were estranged, and the destruction she did to my family, me, and my relationship with my father, even though he is too emotionally disturbed to see it. A woman, my father's wife, who has lived for thirteen years, since she married him in 1997, not giving a fuck if my father and I are estranged, together, or what. All she worries about is what her next event is with my father.
One aunt, who is out of touch. This aunt has had a very difficult life, and we used to be close. I know I have to excuse her.
Another aunt, who is nothing but a drama queen. This aunt has a product that I would be able to market, that would make her, my mom, and I, potentially very comfortable or rich, but refuses to do so, and would rather stand on the street, selling one of her art prints at a time, rather than market it in volume, to benefit everyone. This is a woman, mind you, who had no problem taking lots of $$$$ from mom, me, and my grandmother, for over ten years, without conscience, so you'll excuse me if I'm mildly pissed that she'll only take, emotions, feelings, money, etc, without ever giving anything in return. She calls up mom, every day, and goes on, and on, and on, about her life, without giving a fuck about what mom and Mitch are going through. All she'll miss, if God forbid mom dies, is to have mom's ear to bend about her life.
Incidentally, her own mother, my grandmother, told me that my aunt is a drama queen. My grandmother used to go crazy with my aunt's phone calls every night, going on, and on, and on, about herself. My aunt won't be able to feel my pain.
No gf, or wife, to lean on.
No siblings, who will feel the pain, if I lose my mom, because I'm an only child.
My father "claims " that, if I'm in his life, quote "People will be there to support me". Bullshit. What "people"? He? His wife? My uncle who I havent talked to in 22 years? My uncle, incidentally, was the guy who told me, when I called him for help, to reconcile my mom, and my paternal grandmother, after a dispute, that he told my father to divorce my mom, and, "so what if you dont see your father?" He never did anything in 22 years to reach out to me, to ever try and reconcile, his situation with me, or my father's situation with me, when my father and I were estranged.
The "friend" of my father's, who used to be a "friend" of my mom's as well, who told my mom that he doesnt give a fuck if my father and I are estranged, and if my father puts my mom in the street? These are people I'm going to "lean on"? I can barely look my father in the face without feeling revolted. The other people he talks about, never did ANYTHING to try and help, when he and I were estranged. No one ever wrote me, to find out why. They just unconditionally accepted him, putting all the blame on Mitch, and my mom.
I sit back, and start to think: Who has Mitch's interests at heart in this whole thing? Who is going to help him through the worst time of his life? What do I come up with? None of those people, that's for sure. The closest I come up with is my two best friends. One friend lost his father when he was 12, so he knows what its like to lose a parent, and another friend knows me since I'm 11. He'll know how much I would be hurting, if God forbid my mom dies in the short term.
I think back to when my parents lost their parents. When my grandfather died, my mom had my grandmother, and me, to lean on. When my grandmother died, I was there. I shouldered my mom's grief, helped her clean out, and clean up, my grandmother's apartment, and sold my grandmother's furniture with her. I felt my mom's pain. When my father's parents died, he had his wives, cousins, big family, and many friends to help him through it. (I say wives, because he was married to my mom when my grandfather died, and married to his current wife when his mother died)
So, like I said, when anyone who bashes me does so, think of how you would feel if you had no one in the world in your real life, who gave a fuck about YOU if the closest person in the world to you was to die? THAT is why I vent my feelings on here. Trust me, with some of the negative feedback I've gotten, I should just keep my mouth shut. This has nothing to do with age, etc, or where I live. I'd feel the same way if I lived in my own apartment, and this was to happen.
I truly feel like I'm all alone, in my real life, and, when you're facing something as tramatic as death of a parent, at any age, that is a pretty horrible feeling to have.
Mitch
A father, who can't wait for my mom to die, so he can think of how to best spend her alimony check that he will inherit, on his wife, and himself.
A father's wife, who married him when we were estranged, and shot her mouth off about me "calling" my grandmother, a "grandmother" I had been estranged from for thirteen years, at the time my father's wife said those words in 2001, when my father's wife had never met me, and didnt know the situation, of WHY my grandmother and I were estranged, and the destruction she did to my family, me, and my relationship with my father, even though he is too emotionally disturbed to see it. A woman, my father's wife, who has lived for thirteen years, since she married him in 1997, not giving a fuck if my father and I are estranged, together, or what. All she worries about is what her next event is with my father.
One aunt, who is out of touch. This aunt has had a very difficult life, and we used to be close. I know I have to excuse her.
Another aunt, who is nothing but a drama queen. This aunt has a product that I would be able to market, that would make her, my mom, and I, potentially very comfortable or rich, but refuses to do so, and would rather stand on the street, selling one of her art prints at a time, rather than market it in volume, to benefit everyone. This is a woman, mind you, who had no problem taking lots of $$$$ from mom, me, and my grandmother, for over ten years, without conscience, so you'll excuse me if I'm mildly pissed that she'll only take, emotions, feelings, money, etc, without ever giving anything in return. She calls up mom, every day, and goes on, and on, and on, about her life, without giving a fuck about what mom and Mitch are going through. All she'll miss, if God forbid mom dies, is to have mom's ear to bend about her life.
Incidentally, her own mother, my grandmother, told me that my aunt is a drama queen. My grandmother used to go crazy with my aunt's phone calls every night, going on, and on, and on, about herself. My aunt won't be able to feel my pain.
No gf, or wife, to lean on.
No siblings, who will feel the pain, if I lose my mom, because I'm an only child.
My father "claims " that, if I'm in his life, quote "People will be there to support me". Bullshit. What "people"? He? His wife? My uncle who I havent talked to in 22 years? My uncle, incidentally, was the guy who told me, when I called him for help, to reconcile my mom, and my paternal grandmother, after a dispute, that he told my father to divorce my mom, and, "so what if you dont see your father?" He never did anything in 22 years to reach out to me, to ever try and reconcile, his situation with me, or my father's situation with me, when my father and I were estranged.
The "friend" of my father's, who used to be a "friend" of my mom's as well, who told my mom that he doesnt give a fuck if my father and I are estranged, and if my father puts my mom in the street? These are people I'm going to "lean on"? I can barely look my father in the face without feeling revolted. The other people he talks about, never did ANYTHING to try and help, when he and I were estranged. No one ever wrote me, to find out why. They just unconditionally accepted him, putting all the blame on Mitch, and my mom.
I sit back, and start to think: Who has Mitch's interests at heart in this whole thing? Who is going to help him through the worst time of his life? What do I come up with? None of those people, that's for sure. The closest I come up with is my two best friends. One friend lost his father when he was 12, so he knows what its like to lose a parent, and another friend knows me since I'm 11. He'll know how much I would be hurting, if God forbid my mom dies in the short term.
I think back to when my parents lost their parents. When my grandfather died, my mom had my grandmother, and me, to lean on. When my grandmother died, I was there. I shouldered my mom's grief, helped her clean out, and clean up, my grandmother's apartment, and sold my grandmother's furniture with her. I felt my mom's pain. When my father's parents died, he had his wives, cousins, big family, and many friends to help him through it. (I say wives, because he was married to my mom when my grandfather died, and married to his current wife when his mother died)
So, like I said, when anyone who bashes me does so, think of how you would feel if you had no one in the world in your real life, who gave a fuck about YOU if the closest person in the world to you was to die? THAT is why I vent my feelings on here. Trust me, with some of the negative feedback I've gotten, I should just keep my mouth shut. This has nothing to do with age, etc, or where I live. I'd feel the same way if I lived in my own apartment, and this was to happen.
I truly feel like I'm all alone, in my real life, and, when you're facing something as tramatic as death of a parent, at any age, that is a pretty horrible feeling to have.
Mitch
