At the beginning of this past summer I finally got a digital camera after wanting one for quite some time. It's the first camera I've ever owned and I'm really glad I made the purchase. In buying this camera it gave me a a reason to get out of the apartment and just do fuckin' something,you know. Over time I've grown numb to the world around me and photography encourages you to seek out that in which you find visually appealing. Rather than just walking through life like a soulless zombie, it helped me become more receptive and attentive to things.
There are a few places on the outskirts that I went and the drive is usually just as good as the destination. I couldn't go that often just because I'm broke,but I made the best of the time I had. My soundtrack for the summer was four of Mercenary's albums.Looking back, it made for the perfect combination. I had one of their albums that I had played once or twice but never really gave it an honest listen until this past Spring. Once I really got into it,I was like holy shit this fuckin' band is good.Over the course of the summer I got three more of their albums and every time I just couldn't believe how amazing their music was,just unreal. Some of their older,heavier 'songs' can't even be considered as such.They're more like six,seven,eight minute metal masterpieces,at least in my opinion.
For me,and maybe for everyone else I really don't know,but when I'm first introduced to new music,it always becomes associated with the moment. Whether it's a certain person,a feeling,a thought or whatever,it forever becomes one with the music. For me the combination of the muisc and being out of the apartment,out of the city and just flat out trying to be again, was perfect. In time that music is always going to embody that. In making this video a couple days ago,I was reminded how much I enjoyed going out and looking for potential photos.
I had intended to do a series of photos for October since that's my favorite month but I dropped the ball there. I couldn't really drive anywhere and in general just felt like shit so that turned out to be a missed opportunity. The past couple days though I've really had the itch and moreso the ambition to make it happen. Wow,ambition,that's something I used to have. I'm eager to make another video and did manage to get a few cool photos but realized this is gonna take some thought.For this first video I had the song in mind and just kinda drew from that and build on it as well I guess. Yeah, I could probably take some nice photos but making a video with music is different. I don't want to just make one for the sake of making one,it has to be fluid.
I have a few songs in mind and I'm going to see where it goes. Today was an ideal day to draw inspiration. It was a partially grey,gloomy,cool air kind of day.Baggy jeans and a hoodie type of shit,oh yeah. Awesome. In trying to improve where I'm at, things are slowly...just coming back I guess. I'm realizing again how dark my personality is,and dark isn't to be confused with negative. It feels good to be able to acknowledge and begin to embrace those thoughts and feelings again. I've been in the gutter for a long time now and........I don't even know. One thing I remind myself is,''overtime, not overnight.'' Back to the day,it was gloriously,gloomy day and I was jammin' an old album that I haven't played in ages. It struck a chord and went perfectly with the day.I'm going to close the post with a couple songs from them.
Before I post this vid I have a quick rant. You know,I figure out how to make this thing,go through the process of arranging the photos,doin' the effects and what not. I get the whole thing done,uploaded, and then youtube gives me three options for the thumbnail.WTF is that shit? I'm like you mother fucker. A lot of effort went into taking the photos, and making the video and trying to get it right and they pull that shit. Maybe I'm overreacting but I was pissed. What the hell is the big deal? Why can't I choose the fuckin' photo I want to use? I don't even want to get into it.
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I'm pleased with how it came out and look forward to moving on to another. The last couple days I've felt motivated and it's very important to sieze that opportunity. That's not just for photos and videos but the bigger picture. It's important that I take that little bit of rope and try to get the fuck out this mess. If you spend enough time lost in the abyss,you come to understand the importance of even the most seemingly trivial flicker of anything possibly,remotely fuckin' good.So I have some goals,some material and some immaterial, and I'm going to lay them out here and see what I can do.
First thing is,I need to find a job. I need to sit down again with my job coach and make moves. I was thinking about this today and came to these conclusions. Ultimately the jobs she's trying to present to me aren't going to work out. I'm applying to them and if I got hired I would take the job.The problem is I can't pick too choosy because of the circumstances surrounding this mess.But the reality is this,I'm not cut out customer service.My personality is not suited for that job because it's one of extremes. That's just the way it is and to be honest,it causes difficulties interacting with people.For the most part I'm balanced when interacting but certain situations can cause a problem. I'm not going to sit there and let every person off the street come and scream at me or piss and shit on me because they're having a bad day or they're pissed off about something that I probably didn't even have anything to do with.If I could handle them my way then it would be a different story.I would be very,very polite and willing to handle whatever the issue was and to resolve the situation. If that doesn't work and the customer is crowing and cursing me out,I'm not going to sit there with some half stupid smile on my face,living by the motto ''the customer is always right''.
This is where the extremes come to play.I'm either really calm or,let's just say the opposite. I see where this is going and I'm going to have to cut this before it turns into a rant. It comes down to shit like this.I'm a very a respectful person at heart, but with that said,I have absolutely fuckin' zero,let me repeat that,fuckin' zero tolerance for any disrespect coming my way. I don't give a fuck who it is. I touched on this in the last post,there's a side to me that's a little nutty from how I grew up. I touched on this as well,the whole libra potential theory,I try to maintain balance around me and try to keep things cool.When I was growing up,if it got to that point where some asshole was screaming at me or disrespecting me,ten times out of ten we were fighting.That's just the way it was and the way it is.I immediately go into that mode.If maintaining balance means knocking some assholes teeth out of his fuckin' face guess what,he's going to be spitting out his fuckin'pearly whites.Okay,this has definately turned into a rant. What I'm trying to get at is customer service isn't the best fit for me.
I really went astray from where I wanted to be and my pain killer is kicking in and slowly me down a little bit.Actually I'll pick up on the goals list in my next post which I'll do in a couple days.I wanted to close the post with a little 518 hardcore.I noticed that I've been making a lot of errors in these last couple posts,spelling and missing words and such.That's sloppy and I have to watch that.That little rant got me all wound up and now this pain killer slowed me right down.
This area,the Albany area,has produced a wealth of great hardcore bands. The scene has all but died since the old days with very few of the old bands still around and not many new ones coming to be.Which isn't necassarily a bad thing. It was different years ago,it was more about positive values and unity,at least that what I took from it. I'm having a hard thinking right now...lol... and I'm going astray from the topic again.Maybe some other time I'll share my thoughts and philosphies on the local hardcore scene and it's unfortunate demise but for now I'll end with a quick glimpse into a legendary local band.
Of all the bands to ever come out of this area,none will ever compare to Section 8.Before I even got into the hardcore scene,I knew Section 8.EVERYBODY around here knew that band,it didn't matter who.The girls,the headbangers,the gangbangers, fuckin' everybody.I used to be good friends with the owner of a local music store and we were talking one day about section 8.Off topic but he's actually the guy who gave me that Mercenary cd as a free sampler.No doubt.
He said in all the years he was in business,he sold more of and had more requests for their albums than any other artist or band by far.Their last album was released in 1998 I believe, and even years after,he was still getting requests from as far away as Japan for their albums.
The allure came from their unique style.They weren't your typical hardcore band and possessed a sound like no other.Where I mentioned above the positive aspects of the scene and the music,these guys were little different.While a lot of the bands drew inspiration from life and the streets,Section 8 was more of a hauntingly deep,dark poetry.If they ever had a reunion show,which is impossible beacuse they all went their own ways,with one in an insane asylum,but if they did,it would be massive.
No shit.Embrace the nothing.Without a doubt,in my next post I'm going to mention the The Three Only Things.Some would see that as a completely random statement,I don't know if anything is random anymore.Anyway.
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There are a few places on the outskirts that I went and the drive is usually just as good as the destination. I couldn't go that often just because I'm broke,but I made the best of the time I had. My soundtrack for the summer was four of Mercenary's albums.Looking back, it made for the perfect combination. I had one of their albums that I had played once or twice but never really gave it an honest listen until this past Spring. Once I really got into it,I was like holy shit this fuckin' band is good.Over the course of the summer I got three more of their albums and every time I just couldn't believe how amazing their music was,just unreal. Some of their older,heavier 'songs' can't even be considered as such.They're more like six,seven,eight minute metal masterpieces,at least in my opinion.
For me,and maybe for everyone else I really don't know,but when I'm first introduced to new music,it always becomes associated with the moment. Whether it's a certain person,a feeling,a thought or whatever,it forever becomes one with the music. For me the combination of the muisc and being out of the apartment,out of the city and just flat out trying to be again, was perfect. In time that music is always going to embody that. In making this video a couple days ago,I was reminded how much I enjoyed going out and looking for potential photos.
I had intended to do a series of photos for October since that's my favorite month but I dropped the ball there. I couldn't really drive anywhere and in general just felt like shit so that turned out to be a missed opportunity. The past couple days though I've really had the itch and moreso the ambition to make it happen. Wow,ambition,that's something I used to have. I'm eager to make another video and did manage to get a few cool photos but realized this is gonna take some thought.For this first video I had the song in mind and just kinda drew from that and build on it as well I guess. Yeah, I could probably take some nice photos but making a video with music is different. I don't want to just make one for the sake of making one,it has to be fluid.
I have a few songs in mind and I'm going to see where it goes. Today was an ideal day to draw inspiration. It was a partially grey,gloomy,cool air kind of day.Baggy jeans and a hoodie type of shit,oh yeah. Awesome. In trying to improve where I'm at, things are slowly...just coming back I guess. I'm realizing again how dark my personality is,and dark isn't to be confused with negative. It feels good to be able to acknowledge and begin to embrace those thoughts and feelings again. I've been in the gutter for a long time now and........I don't even know. One thing I remind myself is,''overtime, not overnight.'' Back to the day,it was gloriously,gloomy day and I was jammin' an old album that I haven't played in ages. It struck a chord and went perfectly with the day.I'm going to close the post with a couple songs from them.
Before I post this vid I have a quick rant. You know,I figure out how to make this thing,go through the process of arranging the photos,doin' the effects and what not. I get the whole thing done,uploaded, and then youtube gives me three options for the thumbnail.WTF is that shit? I'm like you mother fucker. A lot of effort went into taking the photos, and making the video and trying to get it right and they pull that shit. Maybe I'm overreacting but I was pissed. What the hell is the big deal? Why can't I choose the fuckin' photo I want to use? I don't even want to get into it.
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I'm pleased with how it came out and look forward to moving on to another. The last couple days I've felt motivated and it's very important to sieze that opportunity. That's not just for photos and videos but the bigger picture. It's important that I take that little bit of rope and try to get the fuck out this mess. If you spend enough time lost in the abyss,you come to understand the importance of even the most seemingly trivial flicker of anything possibly,remotely fuckin' good.So I have some goals,some material and some immaterial, and I'm going to lay them out here and see what I can do.
First thing is,I need to find a job. I need to sit down again with my job coach and make moves. I was thinking about this today and came to these conclusions. Ultimately the jobs she's trying to present to me aren't going to work out. I'm applying to them and if I got hired I would take the job.The problem is I can't pick too choosy because of the circumstances surrounding this mess.But the reality is this,I'm not cut out customer service.My personality is not suited for that job because it's one of extremes. That's just the way it is and to be honest,it causes difficulties interacting with people.For the most part I'm balanced when interacting but certain situations can cause a problem. I'm not going to sit there and let every person off the street come and scream at me or piss and shit on me because they're having a bad day or they're pissed off about something that I probably didn't even have anything to do with.If I could handle them my way then it would be a different story.I would be very,very polite and willing to handle whatever the issue was and to resolve the situation. If that doesn't work and the customer is crowing and cursing me out,I'm not going to sit there with some half stupid smile on my face,living by the motto ''the customer is always right''.
This is where the extremes come to play.I'm either really calm or,let's just say the opposite. I see where this is going and I'm going to have to cut this before it turns into a rant. It comes down to shit like this.I'm a very a respectful person at heart, but with that said,I have absolutely fuckin' zero,let me repeat that,fuckin' zero tolerance for any disrespect coming my way. I don't give a fuck who it is. I touched on this in the last post,there's a side to me that's a little nutty from how I grew up. I touched on this as well,the whole libra potential theory,I try to maintain balance around me and try to keep things cool.When I was growing up,if it got to that point where some asshole was screaming at me or disrespecting me,ten times out of ten we were fighting.That's just the way it was and the way it is.I immediately go into that mode.If maintaining balance means knocking some assholes teeth out of his fuckin' face guess what,he's going to be spitting out his fuckin'pearly whites.Okay,this has definately turned into a rant. What I'm trying to get at is customer service isn't the best fit for me.
I really went astray from where I wanted to be and my pain killer is kicking in and slowly me down a little bit.Actually I'll pick up on the goals list in my next post which I'll do in a couple days.I wanted to close the post with a little 518 hardcore.I noticed that I've been making a lot of errors in these last couple posts,spelling and missing words and such.That's sloppy and I have to watch that.That little rant got me all wound up and now this pain killer slowed me right down.
This area,the Albany area,has produced a wealth of great hardcore bands. The scene has all but died since the old days with very few of the old bands still around and not many new ones coming to be.Which isn't necassarily a bad thing. It was different years ago,it was more about positive values and unity,at least that what I took from it. I'm having a hard thinking right now...lol... and I'm going astray from the topic again.Maybe some other time I'll share my thoughts and philosphies on the local hardcore scene and it's unfortunate demise but for now I'll end with a quick glimpse into a legendary local band.
Of all the bands to ever come out of this area,none will ever compare to Section 8.Before I even got into the hardcore scene,I knew Section 8.EVERYBODY around here knew that band,it didn't matter who.The girls,the headbangers,the gangbangers, fuckin' everybody.I used to be good friends with the owner of a local music store and we were talking one day about section 8.Off topic but he's actually the guy who gave me that Mercenary cd as a free sampler.No doubt.
He said in all the years he was in business,he sold more of and had more requests for their albums than any other artist or band by far.Their last album was released in 1998 I believe, and even years after,he was still getting requests from as far away as Japan for their albums.The allure came from their unique style.They weren't your typical hardcore band and possessed a sound like no other.Where I mentioned above the positive aspects of the scene and the music,these guys were little different.While a lot of the bands drew inspiration from life and the streets,Section 8 was more of a hauntingly deep,dark poetry.If they ever had a reunion show,which is impossible beacuse they all went their own ways,with one in an insane asylum,but if they did,it would be massive.
No shit.Embrace the nothing.Without a doubt,in my next post I'm going to mention the The Three Only Things.Some would see that as a completely random statement,I don't know if anything is random anymore.Anyway.
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