Am I the only one who ever wakes up in the morning feeling completely....well nihilistic is the best way to describe it I suppose.
The morning can be as clean and crisp as any Norman Rockwell stereotype, I could have fallen asleep the previous night full of mirth and love, but awake completely listless and devoid of any sense of belonging or cause to continue forward.
These feelings have been haunting me for several months now. I look back on my life and all the wonderful friends I have to share in my experiences - but am I deserving of their love?
I feel as though I am a terrible person, prone to fits of sudden rage (never violent mind you) and severe bouts of depression, cases in which I sit up late into the evening and ponder on whether or not I should draw a warm bath and re-act a one-man show of Charlotte Cordey and Marat.
I have been told that I am an abomination, a useless inept nobody that will be forgotten ten minutes after my death.
What hurts me the most is that I have always tried to be a good friend to everyone in need. I am always willing to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear. I strive to be a good and friendly person,but I get the brush off from just about everyone I encounter anymore these days. Loneliness is one of the worst things to go through - it is such a despairing feeling.
Am I really that terrible a person that nobody wants anything to do with me? I never thought I was that bad. I mean, we all have our faults, but I thought I at least I had a small circle of people to rely upon when times got rough for me. Now....I just don't know. Maybe I need to reevaluate my perception of how I fit into the world and the whole scheme of things.
I know this is a self-pitying and emo blog...which is why I wrote it for myself rather than posting it to the boards. I'm usually not like this, but I'm a little high and a little drunk which tends to put me in an emotional state.
I should end this and try to gt some sleep.....work tomorrow.....yippie another day of doing everything I can for people who don't appreciate the effort.
The morning can be as clean and crisp as any Norman Rockwell stereotype, I could have fallen asleep the previous night full of mirth and love, but awake completely listless and devoid of any sense of belonging or cause to continue forward.
These feelings have been haunting me for several months now. I look back on my life and all the wonderful friends I have to share in my experiences - but am I deserving of their love?
I feel as though I am a terrible person, prone to fits of sudden rage (never violent mind you) and severe bouts of depression, cases in which I sit up late into the evening and ponder on whether or not I should draw a warm bath and re-act a one-man show of Charlotte Cordey and Marat.
I have been told that I am an abomination, a useless inept nobody that will be forgotten ten minutes after my death.
What hurts me the most is that I have always tried to be a good friend to everyone in need. I am always willing to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear. I strive to be a good and friendly person,but I get the brush off from just about everyone I encounter anymore these days. Loneliness is one of the worst things to go through - it is such a despairing feeling.
Am I really that terrible a person that nobody wants anything to do with me? I never thought I was that bad. I mean, we all have our faults, but I thought I at least I had a small circle of people to rely upon when times got rough for me. Now....I just don't know. Maybe I need to reevaluate my perception of how I fit into the world and the whole scheme of things.
I know this is a self-pitying and emo blog...which is why I wrote it for myself rather than posting it to the boards. I'm usually not like this, but I'm a little high and a little drunk which tends to put me in an emotional state.
I should end this and try to gt some sleep.....work tomorrow.....yippie another day of doing everything I can for people who don't appreciate the effort.
