Saw Beyond What Others See

My feelings are real.
I'm old enough now to know.
I can feel something...deep inside me.

It almost scares me half to death.

I've made my mistakes,
but I've learned from them.

I can live in denial.
I've done it before plenty of times.
But I can't deny what is right in front of me.

And now...
there is no greater feeling then my own sense of understanding.
And acceptance.
If I believed in God, this would be my time to thank him.

The signs are so clear...
and the tension and the friction are coming out full force.

But...
It will never happen.

I blame no one.
The powers of the universe go beyond my knowledge of this.
It's meant to be, but it's not.

It feels so...rejuvenating...
just to know.
Just to be aware that what I feel is real.
And true.

What I've known of love does not compare to this.

I know I'm young.
I've got so much life ahead of me.
I have so much more to experience.
So much more love to give.
...And I can't wait!

And please don't think I don't know exactly where I stand.
This is right. I can feel it.

I was meant to know him.
I was meant to know that he existed.
I was meant to see him for all that he is.

So I won't shy away from what is real ever again.
Even though I'm scared.
I've been scared & I don't know if I ever won't be.
Knowing is one thing, and accepting is another.
I know, and I accept.

What I am feeling,
right now, I can't put into words.
It's enough to bring tears to my eyes.
It's a sense of clarity. Lightheaded, too.

To know I will never be with the one I feel the most connection to ...
...And to be okay with it...
...goes beyond everything.

And now my head and my heart are in a never ending battle.
Any hope of peace walked out the door the moment I saw him.
The fucked up part is:
There Is No Battle.

I'm not fighting for anything. There is nothing to win and nothing to lose!
This is fate.
This was written in the stars way before I knew.

AND I'M SO HAPPY!
I know I can see him and just smile.
I can be happy for all of the blessings he has in his life.
I can feel his presence and feel at ease.
It's euphoric, really.

I can see everything so clearly now.

Silent words never shed.