So, I have no fucking idea what happened yesterday, but everything was normal. No awkwardness, no fighting, and we spent the whole fucking day together. BUT - I am still preparing myself for what may come. In fact, tmw I am going down and applying for a server job at Buffalo wild wings -- one is opening up soon, down the road. I figure either way a job isn't necessarily a bad thing. Plus, lately I have had this urge to be out of the house, doing anything. Mind as well be making some money right?
As for yesterday -- Josh was off, like he was all weekend. Friday and Saturday day we kind of just gave each other space. Saturday night one of my best friends spent the night and her and I got drunk. Josh hung out with us, and it was pretty fun. I expected sunday, after I dropped her off, to go back to the awkwardness that I was sort of getting used to. Jokes on me, because it stayed normal. It was nice, I miss the old him, I really do. Now if I could just pry the damned phone from his hands -- and smash it. One step at a time, I suppose.
I am no longer worried about what exactly it is that he is doing on the phone, or the computer for that matter. I'm not really sure what that means, but it's nice. However, the idea of being single lately.. has been EPIC! I mean don't get me wrong, I love Josh, more than anything (well, except Jordan, but you get the point), but shit gets exhausting. Three years of worrying takes it's toll. So, I decided I'm not worrying anymore.. besides worrying doesn't fix shit, right?
I decided to try different things to work out my anxieties, you know to prevent panic attacks and violent blackouts. In the last week, I only had to deal with 2 anxiety attacks. The problem is, I feel emotions very strongly.. so when you add the stress of my situation and all the emotions I feel, it ends up being pretty catastrophic. Which is why I was staying in the house, every minute of every day.
So, yeah.. I'm trying not to worry about anything.. so I reduce my stress. I tried working with the emotions I was feeling, but it wasn't working to well. I rather not go back on meds. FUCK THAT.
Okay, so. recap.. Shit is normal again, Applying for a job tmw and Yay, for not worrying. BOO, for anxiety.
Now.. for this survey thing I stole from Jo's blog. <3
1. What are your initials?
- C.M.M.
2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
- Jeans and a Tank.
3. Last thing you ate?
- An M&M cookie.
4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
- Arby's.
5. I say Shotgun, you say:
- What, are you two?!
6. Last person you hugged?
- Jordan.
7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
- Yeah. lol.
8. Would you date anyone you met online?
- I met my husband online.
9. Name something you like physically about yourself:
- Is everything an acceptable answer?
10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
- Chili's.
11. Who is your best friend?
- I have more then one, kthx.
12. What time of the day is it?
- Noon.
13. Who/What made you angry today?
- Nothing, I haven't been angry in a few days.
14. Baseball or Football?
- Both.
15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
- Yupp.
16. Favorite type of Food?
- French Fries.
17. Favorite holiday:
- Thanksgiving.
18. Do you download music:
- Only if a certain someone doesn't have it. <3
19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
- Yupp.
20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
- Bwhahah. I don't know any Chinese, so I honestly think it's an easy way to get fucked over. And, end up with a tattoo that says "Go fuck your mom."
21. Would you date the person who posted this?
- Yeah, she's hawt. <3
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
- Yes.
23. Do you love anyone?
- I love a lot of anyones. :]
24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
- Maybe. Never seen anyone wear them.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
- Fuck that. I would throw up all over the place.
26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
- Yeah, not as bad as I was expecting.
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
- Yeah.
28. How many pets do you have?
- Two. I miss them though, I wish we could have pets here.
29. Have you met a real redneck?
- My mom is engaged to one. lol.
30. How is the weather right now?
- Rainy & warm.
31. What are you listening to right now?
- Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson.
32. What is your current favorite song?
- Tik Tok- Kesha
33. What was the last movie you watched?
- Iron Man.
34. Do you wear contacts?
- No.
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
- Tan Universe.
36. What are you afraid of?
- Everything.
37. How many piercings have you had?
- Have I had? I had my belly button done 3 times.. I currently have my nose, ears x2.
38. What piercings do you want?
- Been thinking lip, but I totally want my Monroe done and my Cartilage.
39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
- People don't change. OH, and Miley Cyrus is possibly the worst thing to happen to the world. kthnx.
40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
- Tall Vanilla Latte, or Caffè Vanilla Frap with extra vanilla. Unless it's Christmas time, then I order the White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha.
41. What Magazines are you reading?
- Cosmopolitan, always.
42. Have you ever fired a gun:
- Ew, no.
43. Are you missing someone?
- For sure.
44. Favorite TV show?
- Lie to Me.
45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
- uhm, no.
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
- Yeah, a few.
47. What celeb do you look like?
- In my opinon, none. lol.
48. Who would you like to see right now?
- My friends. <3
49. Favorite movie of all time?
- Back to the Future.
50. Do you find yourself loved?
- Absolutely.
51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
- Yes.
52. Favorite smell?
- Raspberry.
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
- Butter with Salt and Pepper.
54. Ever put a friend in a cop car on JukePix.com?
- Uh, what?
55. Ever been in a cop car in real life?
- Yes.
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
- No.
57. Our Lady Peace or Nickelback?
- Damnit, I like both.
58. What's something that really bugs you?
- Every-fucking-thing.
59. Do you like Michael Jackson?
- I do.
60. Taco Bell or Burger King?
- Eh, they are both okay. I'd rather make my own.
61. What's your favorite perfume?
- I have a lot of favorites. Calvin Klein Euphoria, VS Very Sexy, Lucky Brand Lucky you, Britney Spears Curious.
62. Favorite baseball team?
- Yankees.
63. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
- Ha. No.
64. Nipple or Nose rings?
- Nose.
65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
- 2 days.
66. Last time you went bowling?
- Aw, man, it's been awhile. I love bowling.
67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
- In the middle of the porch.
68. Who was your last phone call?
- My Ma.
69. Last time you were at work?
- A physical job? 2007.
70. What's the closest orange object to you?
- Jordan's Nemo from Nemo on Ice.
Now for a BA Gaga song.. YOU LISTEN NAO!
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