As everyone who has read my posts knows, it's now been.. twelve and a half days since God took my mom away from me. I hope she is happy in Heaven, pain free, and having a ball with our relatives.
I've now been home from NY for eight days. As I've posted before, this is thankfully my home only temporarially. By early June, at latest, I will back living in NY, amongst friends and family, and things will start to get better, but for now..
I go out with the driver every day, spending a ton of money. When I come home, I try to have a bit of a routine at night. Going online, movies, if I can concentrate, the wonderful Jim Gardner on WPVI in Philly who I;ll only see on a regular basis for another six weeks, but..
My mom used to keep her lights and TV on all night, even when she slept. I keep minimal lights and TV on only when needed, to save on my power bill., I dont turn the lights on in her room at all. I have a ton of cleaning, sorting, and tossing to do in there.
I walk in the living room, and look at the breakfront that my parents bought in 1969 when my mom was pregnant with me. She very much wanted me to keep it. As I'll be living in a much smaller place in NY, I may have to store it.
Concentrating on anything longer than the news is hard. I didnt buy the mlb package this year, because I knew in Feb what was going to happen to my mom, and it did. I try to watch movies On Demand, and either my mind wanders, or I turn it off.
Losing my mom was the most excruciating blow I've ever had. She passed far sooner than I had thought. Now, I know I will go on without her. I think a new environment will help.
I can handle the days. Going out, and coming home, isnt bad. The nights, even though thankfully getting shorter, drive me mad.
Things will get better. I will always miss my mom terribly, and will always love her. Maybe, when I dont have to live in a place that I lived in with her for more than 12 years, knowing shes never coming home, amongst her things, which are now mine, even those I decide to keep, will be easier. Until then.. I just have to deal with.. about 40 plus nights of what feels like torture. I know I will survive. I have no choice but to..
Mitch
I've now been home from NY for eight days. As I've posted before, this is thankfully my home only temporarially. By early June, at latest, I will back living in NY, amongst friends and family, and things will start to get better, but for now..
I go out with the driver every day, spending a ton of money. When I come home, I try to have a bit of a routine at night. Going online, movies, if I can concentrate, the wonderful Jim Gardner on WPVI in Philly who I;ll only see on a regular basis for another six weeks, but..
My mom used to keep her lights and TV on all night, even when she slept. I keep minimal lights and TV on only when needed, to save on my power bill., I dont turn the lights on in her room at all. I have a ton of cleaning, sorting, and tossing to do in there.
I walk in the living room, and look at the breakfront that my parents bought in 1969 when my mom was pregnant with me. She very much wanted me to keep it. As I'll be living in a much smaller place in NY, I may have to store it.
Concentrating on anything longer than the news is hard. I didnt buy the mlb package this year, because I knew in Feb what was going to happen to my mom, and it did. I try to watch movies On Demand, and either my mind wanders, or I turn it off.
Losing my mom was the most excruciating blow I've ever had. She passed far sooner than I had thought. Now, I know I will go on without her. I think a new environment will help.
I can handle the days. Going out, and coming home, isnt bad. The nights, even though thankfully getting shorter, drive me mad.
Things will get better. I will always miss my mom terribly, and will always love her. Maybe, when I dont have to live in a place that I lived in with her for more than 12 years, knowing shes never coming home, amongst her things, which are now mine, even those I decide to keep, will be easier. Until then.. I just have to deal with.. about 40 plus nights of what feels like torture. I know I will survive. I have no choice but to..
Mitch
